


TROS Fix - Two that are one (Because no one likes the end of TROS)

by artemizlovesreylo



Series: TROS Fix-it fics [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Deserved Better, Ben Solo Lives, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/F, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Force Sensitivity, M/M, POV Ben Solo, POV Rey (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey Palpatine, Rey Solo, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, The Force, because no one likes how tros ended
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:54:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 53,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22357498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artemizlovesreylo/pseuds/artemizlovesreylo
Summary: This fic takes place right after Rey gets resurrected. Ben Solo doesn't die. I'm writing this for myself but I wanted to share with those who also feel the way I do. I plan to write more chapters, this was my first and it took me a while to be satisfied with it. I haven't written like this in a long time so I'm a bit rusty, forgive me. Hopefully, everyone who reads enjoys.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: TROS Fix-it fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1609369
Comments: 94
Kudos: 199





	1. Two that are One

**Author's Note:**

> ***IMPORTANT***  
> In my version, Rey ran off in the Falcon and when she took Ben's ship she left behind the Falcon so Ben took the Falcon to Exogol.
> 
> Kriff is basically Star Wars version of "Fuck". 
> 
> I will try to update this when I can. Please, let me know what you think in the comments.

***Rey’s P.O.V.***

Rey’s clouded eyes began to clear and she could feel a warm hand on her belly. She didn’t even have to see to know who it was. 

_Ben._

She could feel him. Their bond. She felt _him_. Not Kylo Ren. _Ben Solo_. 

The last few minutes flashed through her mind with lightning speed. He had come for her. He had come for her in her darkest hour. He had saved her. He had turned. He had turned _for her._

Blinking a few times, she cleared her eyesight and pushed herself up in his lap. She studied his face. She had never seen him like this. He looked so.... _innocent_. His eyes were wide and his lip quivering. The darkness that had once clouded his eyes was nowhere to be found. He was _light_. She couldn’t help but smile widely at him.

“Ben.” She whispered, reaching her hands up to the sides of his face. This was what she had wanted for so long. What she was begging him to do. She wanted to take his hand so many times. Now, she finally could. She couldn’t help herself. She couldn’t stop herself. 

Grabbing the sides of his face, she brought his lips to hers. 

Ben didn’t hesitate. He snaked his arms around her waist, holding her tightly and pulling her as close as he could. 

She breathed him in. She could taste the sweat on his lips, feel his heart pounding in his chest. She kept trying to pull his face closer even though she knew they _couldn’t_ _get_ any closer. 

She hadn’t realized how much she _wanted_ him. How much _he_ wanted _her_ . How much she seemed to _need_ him, now. How much they needed _each other_. 

The longer they held the kiss, the stronger she felt. Their bond seemingly infusing energy into her very being. It was ablaze between them, approving of their closeness. 

Ben pulled away from her. Reluctantly, she let him pull away. 

Looking into each other's eyes once more, Rey felt like she could just lose herself in his forever. 

Ben laughed. A wide smile spreading across his face.

She felt the wind be knocked out of her lungs. She had never seen him smile. Nothing else she had ever seen had brought her such innate _joy_. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. 

Rey began studying his face, trying to see all the small details she never had the time to notice. His dimples revealed themselves, the one on his right more prominent. 

His smile drooped. 

Furrowing her eyebrows at him, she attempted to speak but the words couldn’t leave her mouth faster than he fell. 

_Panic._

It seeped into her, wild, uncontrollable. _Desperate_. She grabbed onto him, ensuring his head didn’t slam into the rubble. 

Her hands shaking, peering down at him. Unable to move. Unable to think.

This man that had just been holding her, _kissing her,_ was laying, unmoving on the ground in front of her. His bright smile now gone, his warmth leaving, his eyes closed. 

Only now did she realized what Ben had done. She remembered the destruction. She remembered falling. She remembered a blackness engulfing her. 

She had _died_. 

Ben _brought her back._

“No.” She spoke aloud. “You can’t do this to me. Not now. No.” She looked around, frantic. _What could she do?_ Tears began flooding her eyes, a lump forming in her throat. She never felt so _helpless_.

She gripped onto his hand, as tightly as she could, as if putting enough pressure on it would wake him. 

_I just got you, you can’t leave me now. You can’t._

The blaze she felt inside from their bond was now dissipating. She felt an _emptiness._ It was expanding inside her, threatening to swallow her whole. 

She laid her head on his chest, closing her eyes, beginning to sob into his shirt. _Please. Please, don’t leave me. Don’t leave me alone, again._

Her eyes snapped open. Pushing herself up, she made sure not to let go of his hand. 

She took a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself. Closing her eyes, she repeated the words she had spoken earlier. 

“Be with me. Be with me. Be with me. _Please_. Be with me.” she chanted. She felt the spirits of the jedi gathering around her. She knew they were there. 

“Please,” She begged. “Please, help me save him, I don’t have the strength on my own. _Please._ ” 

If they replied, she couldn’t hear them. She gritted her teeth. She had to try. Even if the jedi wouldn’t help her. She _had_ to try. 

She placed her left hand on his chest, keeping his hand locked in her right. Taking a deep breath, she began pouring her life force into him. Just as she had on the ruins of the death star.

She wasn’t as strong now as she was then. 

She could already feel her power waning, her limbs getting heavier, her body aching. 

More tears began falling from her eyes, slowly realizing she didn’t have the strength to bring him back to her. 

Rey felt a crushing weight settling in her chest. Her energy leaving her. She began feeling cold. 

Thoughts about allowing herself to give in creeped into her mind. Whispering to give up everything. Ready to follow Ben into whatever came after this life. She had done her part. She had saved her friends. 

She couldn’t bare the feeling that was building inside her chest in his absence. Not for the rest of her life. That feeling of _emptiness._ Like someone had removed her soul from her body and she was just a shell. 

Rey hadn’t realized how much a part of her Ben was. Even without her knowing of their bond, it had always been there. 

Just before she moved her hand off of Ben’s chest, she felt a brush of air against her shoulder. Strength once again filling her body and, in turn, filling Ben’s. 

She felt it again on her other shoulder. Then once more on the hand that was pressed against Ben’s chest. She felt them. _The Jedi._ They _were_ going to help her after all. 

_They’re helping me save you._ She thought as hope once again took ahold of her, bringing her focus back to Ben. 

She could recognize two of the force signatures. They are all too familiar, she could never forget them.

_Leia and Luke._ They were _there_ . Helping her. _Saving_ their son and nephew. 

The third signature was different, yet, a piece of them felt familiar. 

As she poured their collective strength into Ben, she searched her mind of all the people that would help. Of all the force ghosts that she knew of, who would come? Alongside Luke and Leia, _who would come to save Ben?_

The truth slammed into her like a ton of bricks. _Vader._

_No_ , she shook her head. _Not Vader. Anakin. Anakin Skywalker. Luke and Leia's father. Ben’s grandfather. Ben’s family. They were together. They were helping her save him._

The lump in her throat seemed to nearly engulf her. Tears threatening to overwhelm her.

Rey felt the warmth returning to his body. She couldn’t help the small smile forming on her face. 

_It was working._

Suddenly, she felt a squeeze on her hand. Her eyes shot open. Watching as his jaw began to move. The color returning to his face. His eyes fluttering open. 

“ _Ben._ ” 

No longer able to contain her emotions, Rey let the tears flood her eyes. They were trailing heavily down her face as she collapsed onto him, exhausted. Relief flowing through her. She could feel their bond again, strengthening both of them. 

As her body collided with his, she couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped when she heard an _oof_ escape from his lips. 

He was _alive_ . She did it. The Jedi helped her. _His family saved him._

The hand she wasn’t clinging to reached up and wrapped itself around her back, hugging her lightly into his chest. 

“Rey.” 

His voice was quiet and hoarse. She felt him swallow hard, trying to get his voice to work. She tilted her head up, not leaving the warmth of his chest. 

She could feel the force ghosts lingering. She wondered if he could feel them through his disorientation. Their presence around them. Whether he knew _they_ were the ones that truly saved him. 

Rey felt him begin rubbing the small of her back. “Rey.” He repeated. 

She lies there, unmoving. Waiting for him. Giving him the time he needs to gather his thoughts.

“Did you...did you bring me back?” He questioned, finally pushing the words from his lips. 

Her cheeks flushed, his husky voice like music to her ears. She nodded against him. Unsure if telling him his family helped was a good idea. 

“Ho-” he cut himself off. Visibly struggling with his thoughts. “Why?” he asked.

The question was puzzling to her. She pushed herself up from his chest. Her eyebrows furrowing. “ _Why?_ ” She repeated.

He shook his head. “I…” He closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath through his nose. “It made sense.”

“ _Dying_ made sense?” 

Opening his eyes, he met her intense gaze. “Dying for you. It made sense.” He squeezed her hand once more. “The one thing I could do. The one _good thing_. Save you.” 

“You left me _alone._ ” She snapped. Anger beginning to boil inside her. 

Ben blinked at her. Using his free hand he tried to push himself up. He winced in pain and fell back down. 

Worry flashed through her mind, despite her anger. Reaching out through their bond, she could feel that some of his bones were broken. His bottom three ribs, two on the left and one on the right. His right femur was also broken. Several fractures and cuts throughout.

The memory rushed back through her mind like a terrible nightmare. 

Weakly cracking her eyes open, unable to move. Palpatine picking him up. _Throwing him_ down an endless pit right in front of her. 

She stared at him, incredulity. He had _climbed his way up to her._ Despite all his injuries. 

“Rey…” his voice was barely above a whisper,“ I would never leave you alone.” 

He said it in such a matter-of-fact way, as if he hadn’t just been _dead_ on the ground in front of her. 

_But you did._ She thought.

**_Even then, I was with you._ **

Rey jolted upright, surprised by his voice inside her mind. Looking to his face, he had a small smile. 

_You knew we could talk like this?_ She questioned. 

Ben chuckled. **_I thought it was a possibility._ **

The more she thought about it the more it made sense. _Of course we could talk like this . We could see each other across the galaxy. We could touch across the galaxy. Now, they were closer than ever. Why wouldn’t they be able to speak to one another in their minds? They were two that are one._

She returned her gaze to his face, waiting to see if he heard her thoughts. _Can I control what you hear?_ She wondered. 

Leaning down to him, she allowed herself to lay beside him. She attempted to finally release his hand but he only held on tighter. She couldn’t help the smile that came. 

His form always seemed so hulking to her. His body was massive compared to hers. Now, laying like this, it didn’t seem that way. The smell of ash filling her nose as she breathed in next to him.

A few moments of silence passed. His words repeating in her head. _Even then, I was with you_ . She sighed heavily. _That would have never been enough._

**_Rey._ **

She grimaced. _Had he heard her thoughts?_ She focused on him. _Yes?_

**_We probably need to get out of here._ **

She bolted upright. She had _actually forgotten_ where they were. Ben was _injured._ She didn’t have enough strength to heal him. She sensed around her but it seemed the jedi ghosts were gone. _Kriff._

Rey struggled to her feet. Crouching down, she wrapped his arm around her shoulders and tried to lift him. 

Ben winced as she used all the strength she had left to pull him to his feet. She could tell he was trying to balance his weight for her, trying to stand on the leg that wasn’t broken. 

She wished he didn’t have to but she wasn’t sure she could hold him up all on her own. They began to slowly make their way back to the lift out of here. 

**_Rey._ **

_What is it? Does it hurt too much? Do we need to stop?_

He looked taken aback by her concern. A small smile forming on his lips, he shook his head. **_No, I’m alright to keep going._ **

Tilting his head down toward the ground, he seemed to be steeling himself for something. She tried to see what it was but he hid his thoughts from her. _Guess that answers my question._

**_When you took my ship, you left behind the Falcon. That’s how I got here._ **

She raised her eyebrows at him but kept moving. _You flew your dad’s ship?_

The question seemed to cause him more pain than his injuries. 

**_Yes._ **

Rey knew that was all he could manage. 

Knowing better than to ask further questions, they pushed forward in silence.

\-------

Finally reaching the Falcon, Rey carefully lowered Ben down onto one of the beds. 

“I’ll see if there’s any bacta spray aboard. Hopefully, it’ll reduce the pain until I’m strong enough to heal you. Wait here.” Leaving the room, she could hear him mumbling under his breath. 

“Don’t think I could go anywhere if I tried.”

Before going to search the cabinets, she entered the cockpit. Taking a seat, she flipped on several switches and began plotting the route to the resistance base. As she set the Falcon to pilot itself, she couldn’t help but pause.

As the Falcon lifted into flight, her fingers traced down the controls. Her thoughts drifted, wondering how Ben had felt flying his father’s ship. It was still a sensitive topic. For both of them.

She envisioned it, Ben Solo flying his family ship. Rey could picture a smile on his face as he evaded tie fighters or his excitement after a successful mission. It made her notice the things in which Ben and Han had in common. Their grins have a wildness behind them and a glimmer of arrogance in their eyes. 

They were more alike than Ben would probably admit. 

Her mind flashed back to their kiss, there was a purity in Ben’s smile after. The difference between him and Kylo Ren was stark, further proving to her they were never the same person. Not truly. Just the persona Snoke had given Ben to further remove him from his family. But ever since their first force bond moments, she could see through the persona to the man hiding beneath. Little moments or expressions that shone through just for her. The person he was now, the one she always wanted him to be. The one he was always meant to be. 

Standing, she made her way back to where she knew they kept some medical supplies. Rey began searching through the cabinets for a first aid pack and for the spray. 

They were only a few steps from one another but she couldn’t resist pulling at their bond as she searched. 

Breathing a small sigh of relief when he pulled back, she was thankful their bond seemed stronger than it ever was. All she had to do was reach for him and he was there. It was the most comforting thing she had ever felt. 

_Ah, there it is._ She grabbed the spray and the small kit next to it and made her way back to him. 

For a moment, she stood in the doorway, watching his chest rise and fall. She couldn’t help but feel grateful for every breath he took. He was still covered in a mix of sweat, blood, and grime, as was she. 

_Hopefully when we get to the resistance we can get cleaned up, I don’t think anything in here would fit you._

She bit down hard on her lip when her eyes wandered to the hole in his sweater left from their fight on the death star ruins. 

Ben turned his head to her. “You found some.” 

Rey snapped out of her gaze and nodded. After placing the kit on the table by the door, she made her way to him. Taking a seat beside him on the bed, she could feel the force energy start to buzz around them. 

Gripping the bottom of his shirt, she looked to him for permission. He simply nodded to her. 

Hesitantly pulling up his shirt, she winced at the amount of blood and bruises that covered his chest. Scrapes were all over it, some big and some small. Her face wrinkled and she tilted her face up to him. “This is probably going to hurt.” 

He shrugged it off. She couldn’t tell if he was already in too much pain to care or he just wanted it over. 

Rey began spraying his chest in careful, slow bursts, watching as his face screwed up. He gripped the sides of the bed as she sprayed around his broken ribs, gritting his teeth. 

She wished so badly she had the strength to take his pain away. She could tell he was trying to mask his pain from her, she still felt pieces of it slipping through the bond. 

**_It’s alright. You can keep going._ **His voice was surprisingly calm inside her mind. He moved his hand to grip her thigh. 

Meeting his eyes, she couldn’t tell if he had heard her worried thoughts or her concern was written on her face. As it often was. It was clear he was trying to reassure her, even though he was the one in pain. 

For a moment, she placed her hand on top of his.

_We’ll get through this, I promise._ She said inside his mind, attempting to reassure him in return. 

  
After gently pulling his shirt back down, she scooted down the bed. Warmth rose into her cheeks as she realized she would either have to take his pants off or cut a hole in them to have access to the broken part of his leg. 

“Um…” She cleared her throat, unsure of how to even ask the question. “I need scissors.”

Not waiting for his reply, she stood up. She grabbed and opened the med kit on the table by the door. 

Her back was to him as she searched the pack for the scissors, she tried to will away the blush that had invaded her checks. 

_Why am I so flustered?_ She let out a frustrated huff. 

Eyeing him as she turned around with the scissors, she wondered if her attempts to keep him from hearing her thoughts were successful.

She sat back down, if he had heard, he didn’t feel the need to say anything. His eyes were close, breathing slowly and steadily in through his nose. 

After poking a small hole in his pants she was able to widen the incision enough to see his injured leg. It was heavily bruised. Rey couldn’t help but be thankful the bone wasn’t protruding from his skin.

Glancing up at him, his eyes were still closed. He looked exhausted, the bags under his eyes seemingly deepening with each passing second. She couldn’t blame him. What had just transpired should have been impossible. Even now, she was still trying to process it all. 

Grimacing, she tapped the top of the spray. 

Ben’s breathing hitched, his face scrunching. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, tapping the top a few more times to ensure he would get all the relief he could. 

  
Standing, she moved to place the spray next to the kit before moving back to him. She placed a hand on his shoulder as she crouched next to him. “Do you feel _any_ better?” 

Cracking one eye open, he tilted his head to look at her. “A bit.” 

“I’ll take ‘a bit’ over no.” She replied, coming down onto her knees. She then turned so she could lean her back against the side of his bed.

Rey nearly jumped out of her skin when Ben moved his arm down next to her. 

Realizing why he’d done it, she couldn’t help but smile. She laced her fingers between his. Her head rested lightly on his upper arm as she leaned into him, allowing their clasped hands to rest in her lap. 

Her fingers absentmindedly began to trace the veins pulsing on the back of his hand, she couldn’t help but be reminded how he was twice her size. Her hand looked so small inside his.

_He could probably hold both my hands in just his one._

Silence engulfed them. Rey’s mind wandering, replaying the events of the last hour. She could hardly comprehend them. 

An unsettling realization came over her.

‘Ben.” She bit her lip, not sure if she wanted to continue. Part of her didn’t want to know the answer. Rather, she knew the answer, she wasn’t sure she was ready for him to say it.

“Hm?” He purred behind her. 

The warmth that rose back into her cheeks nearly distracted her from the topic. 

Nearly. 

“When you were climbing up…” She paused. The feeling of his death and the emptiness that followed invading her mind. “Did you...feel it? When I….?” She trailed off, regretting starting this conversation. 

She felt his arm tense around her. She couldn’t bear to turn around to see his face, feeling him lingering insider her mind. She allowed him to see the words she couldn’t say. 

With a heavy sigh, he answered aloud. “Yes.”

Closing her eyes, she felt tears forming in the corners. He must have felt it, just as she had. 

That feeling that seemed to devour every fiber of her being. Emptiness wasn’t enough to describe it, she couldn’t find a word that could accurately describe what it felt like. Like a black hole opening inside, sucking up everything it touches. 

_How do you explain what it feels like having half of your soul die? Someone who is your literal other half. Someone who is linked to your very being. Part of your mind, body, and soul._

Rey couldn’t blame him for giving all of himself to bring her back. She nearly let herself die all over again because the loss seemed too much for her soul to bare. 

_Did he think I didn’t feel as he did? That I would just be able to move on without him?_ Furrowing her brow, she turned her head to look at him. 

He was already staring at her, he was waiting. He knew there was more. 

She didn’t ask what she wanted. Some small part of her kept her from asking. “Why did it make sense?” She questioned instead. 

“I alrea-”

“No, all you said was that it made sense to die for me. It was the one good thing you could do. That’s what you said.” 

“I’m confused. Does that not answer your question?” he asked, cocking his eyebrow at her. 

“You’re an idiot.” She muttered, shaking her head. Unable to explain what she wanted from him. Unable to find the words that she wanted to say. 

“Excuse me?”

“Ben.” She turned her body all the way around to face him. “You’ve so much good in you. I’ve sensed it ever since our bond connected us across the galaxy. It’s why I went to you on Snoke’s ship. It’s just been buried. By Luke’s betrayal, by Snoke’s manipulation but _you’re free now_. You can do all those good things I know you're capable of. ”

He was silent, she could see him fighting his own internal argument. He was still hiding his thoughts from her. She huffed quietly in frustration. 

After a long exhale, he broke the silence between them. “Palpatine.” 

Rey waited for him to continue, unsure of where this was going. 

“He told me…” 

Ben was struggling, she could tell, even if he hid his thoughts. Every word he said was harder to get out than the next.

Aggravated with himself, he used his free hand to push himself up, grimacing in pain as he did so. He pulled her hand up with him, their hands now resting on the bed beside him. He sat up as best he could and leaned against the wall. 

“Palpatine told me he has been every voice I’d ever heard inside my head. My entire life.” He paused, his eye twitching, as it tended to do when he was angry. “He made Snoke. He _was_ Snoke.” 

Ben had spat the words out as if they were poison. She was taken aback. Unable to respond. How could she? What could she say? 

Her mind raced, trying to come up with something, anything to say. _Was it true?_ She already knew the answer. 

She was alone with Palpatine for barely five minutes and he had already invaded her mind. Manipulating her. Making her lose all her hope. Allowing her to think becoming the empress of darkness was the only way to save her friends. Had Ben not come for her, she probably would have given in. 

But there he was. In the darkness with her, reminding her that she's not alone. His voice echoed in her head. _You’re not alone_. 

Memories began replaying in her mind from the day he had kidnapped her. How they had breached into each other's minds. Something she surprisingly often forgot. She had felt his fear, she could hear the whispers of another voice inside his mind. A voice Ben had assumed was his grandfather's. 

Her mouth curled in disgust. With every passing moment her disdain for Palpatine growing. He had killed her parents, condemned her to a life without them, then tried to turn her, and now she knew Palpatine had been the one to hide away Ben’s light. Whispering in his ear, making him feel alone. That the voice in his head was all he had, tearing him from his family. 

Palpatine had been the one who caused everything in her and Ben’s lives to go wrong. 

She let go of his hand and stood. His eyes followed her, watching her every move, unsure of what she was going to do. 

Picking up his arm, she took a seat on the bed next to him, allowing his arm to curl around her side, his hand settling on her hip. Making sure while she did, her other hip wasn’t pressing into his broken leg.

_Now is probably the best time._ She allowed the corners of her mouth to curl in a small smile. “Ben, your grandfather…your _real_ grandfather...”

His brows furrowed, eyes narrowing at her. 

“He was there.” 

Ben looked as if she had just punched him in the stomach. “What?” 

“You must know I didn’t have the strength to bring you back on my own. You had saved me with your life force. But…” She paused, when she felt his breathing hault. He already knew where she was going. 

“He helped you.” He finished. 

There was that look again, the one she saw when he brought her back. The look of an innocent boy overwhelmed. It was not a look she was used to, Kylo Ren had put much effort into hiding his emotions from view.

“Not just him. But..” She hesitated, taking a breath before continuing. “Leia...and Luke.” Ben tore his eyes away from her. She reached up, touching his face, as she had when he had brought her back. 

He jumped at her touch, taking a moment before he allowing himself to settle his cheek in her palm. “They _love_ you, Ben. They never stopped.” 

Rey could see tears forming in the corners of his eyes but he blinked them away before any could fall. 

_Why are you still so afraid to let yourself feel anything?_ Snapping out of her trace, she leaned in closer. _Oh my…._

“Ben.” Her fingers traced along where it used to be. “Your scar, it’s gone.” 

She watched his eyes widen as he immediately reached up, his hand momentarily covering hers. She moved her hand so he could feel it. She watched him trace along where it used to be, as she had. 

Closing his eyes, he let out a long breath. “You.”

That was all he needed to say, she could feel his emotions and he was allowing her into his thoughts. She knew what he wanted to say. 

_We saved each other._ She thought to him. 

**_You had to save me first._ **

_We know now that was never truly your fault._

Ben shook his head at her. **_He might have been inside my head but I still chose the darkside._ **

She frowned at him.

_Did you? Because last I checked you thought your grandfather was guiding you._

Ben snorted. **_Rey, as much as you want to forget, as much as I would love to forget, I was Kylo Ren for a long time. I allowed Palpatine to feed on my fears. My anger. I should have been strong enough to resist him. To know better than to trust Snoke._ **

“You were just a _kid._ ” Rey said aloud. 

He let a small smile reach his lips before rubbing side of his face and returning his gaze to hers. “I gave into the darkest parts of myself. Kylo Ren was…. he was the embodiment of all my hatred. I hurt a lot of people.” His face softened, worry flashing through his eyes. “I hurt _you_.” 

Rey blinked. Part of her refused to think of him and Kylo Ren as the same person. They weren’t. Yet her mind still thought of her back slamming into a tree in the freezing cold, Finn lying nearly dead on the ground. 

Realizing he was in her head, she tried to push the memories away.

Ben gently squeezed her hip. **_You don’t need to hide those memories from me. I know the things I’ve done._ **

Rey shook her head. _He wasn’t himself then._ “Well, you know, I stabbed you once.” She sputtered out, trying to change the subject. 

Ben gave her a half smile. “I deserved it.” 

“Don’t say things like that.” Rey stood, stepping back from him. She hadn’t expected him to say that. She just wanted him to stop talking. “I was angry. At you. At the universe. I didn’t want it to be true. I didn’t want to be a Palpatine. I was letting the anger take over and turning into what I feared most. I should have _never_ done that.” 

“We were enemies at the time, Rey. You would have been justfi-”

“Would you have done it?” 

Ben pulled back, blinking. “Stab me?” 

“Stabbed _me._ ” She crossed her arms, looking everywhere in the room but at him. “You had plenty of opportunities to kill me. You _never did_. You had won that fight. Had Leia not intervened, would you have killed me?” 

Ben’s lips parted slightly. She could feel his mind racing with a million thoughts she couldn’t catch. “I...I don’t know.” he said honestly.

“I don’t believe you would have.” She raised a hand to rub her right temple. “Ever since our first talk, all you’ve done is ask me to join you.”

“Kylo Ren wanted you on the darkside. He was dangerous, Rey. I truly can’t say anything was too far for him.”

“While I was on Pasaana, you said the next time you offered your hand to me I would take it. That doesn’t sound like you had planned to kill me.” 

Ben went silent but his eyes never left her. A few moments passed. 

“Why did you heal me?” 

Rey frowned. “What?” 

“That first time, on the ruins of the death star. Why did you heal me?”

Rey looked baffled by the question. “I-” She forced herself look to meet his eyes. “I didn’t want you to die, Ben. I never should have let my anger control me like it did.”

“But,” Ben shifted uncomfortably. “I was Kylo Ren then.” 

Rey’s nostrils flared. _Why does he want to talk about this? Why does he always have to push me?_ “You were never just Kylo with me, ok? I knew you were in there.”

“It’s ok, you know.” He said quietly. 

Rey rolled her eyes. “What’s ok?” 

“To be angry with me. To hate me, at least in part.”

Her eyes widened in disbelief. _He does remember I brought him back to life, right?_ “How could you _think I hate you?_ ” 

Ben smiled sadly at her. “I’ve done some unforgivable things.” 

Rey pinched the bridge of her nose, exhausted by the conversation. “Ben.” She strode over to him, taking his face into her hands. “You _are not_ Kylo Ren.” 

He gave her a look that reminded her so much of Luke. That look he gave her everytime she spoke of having hope or wanting to learn the ways of the Jedi. Like, she was just an unknowing child. She hated it. 

She pulled her hands back away from him but he caught them in his. “I know that you want to believe we are entirely two separate people. But the truth is, Kylo Ren was always inside of me. Palpatine just salted an already irritated wound.” 

She shook her head, she didn’t want to talk about this. She tried to pull away but he held her hands tighter, keeping her there. 

“It was _my_ weaknesses that allowed so many people to die. To do things that will haunt me for the rest of my life. We all have darkness that lurks within us, Rey. Isn’t that why you were so afraid of turning?” 

Ripping her hands from his, she backed up into the doorway. There was an anger building in her. When he talked like this, it reminded her of her first chats with him. Of his coldness in the throne room, forcing her to face the things she wasn’t ready to. When Kylo Ren was still very much present. She didn’t want to be reminded. 

_Why does he always have to be so blunt? Why does he have to push everything? I don’t want to want to talk about this. He turned, embracing the good in him. That was him, not Palpatine. Not Kylo Ren. Ben. Ben came back to where he belonged. That’s all that should matter._

“Can’t we _not_ talk about this? Is it _so hard_ to just be grateful right now? We are both _alive_ , Ben. Even if you feel that way, we can face it together, ok? But you’re wrong, it wasn’t all your fault. Even if some of it was. Even if there _was_ darkness within you, you were just a lost kid.” Tears began stinging the corners of her eyes, anger still building in her chest. “You were lost and alone and you wanted to feel like you were wanted. Just like I was. Just like I did. It is _not_ _your_ _fault_ that Palaptine _hunted_ you down. That he crept inside your head as a kid to lead you down that path. Just like it...it isn’t my fault my parents left. They were forced to protect me from _him_.” She paused, meeting his eyes. Slowly realizing what she had said, her face softening. “I’m...I’m sorry no one was able to protect _you_.” 

Looking down at the ground she swallowed hard, forcing the lump that had formed in her throat down. As she looked back up, she watched him. 

Ben’s face was blank, yet, she could sense the whirlwind going through his mind. He was staring at the floor, avoiding eye contact. The silence surrounding them was now deafening. The low hum of the Falcon was the only thing keeping her grounded. 

She closed her eyes, taking deep breaths to calm herself. Letting the anger dissipate. _I didn’t want a fight._

“Thank you.” he muttered. 

Rey had barely heard him. She opened her eyes, he was staring at her now. She met his gaze, his expression to, had softened. “Thank you for what?” she questioned. 

“Believing in me. Seeing the light inside me, when even I couldn’t.” 

He reached out his hand for her. Her mind briefly flashed back to the throne room, his hand extending towards her. After a moment's hesitation, she stepped forward, grasping his hand. He pulled her close. She allowed him to pull her down to sit on his bed. 

Ben was watching her as if she were some exotic creature, his eyes never leaving her face. She felt her cheeks flush under his gaze. She could sense his adoration through their bond, though she wasn’t sure if he meant for her to feel it. 

She looked to his lips, part of her wanting to bring them to hers. The other part still unsure if she could, if she should. 

Luckily, she didn’t have to make the choice. 

He leaned forward, placing a tender kiss to her lips. She could feel his hesitation, still unsure of himself. 

Rey couldn’t help smiling into the kiss, her heart beating faster than it was a moment ago. She gently raised her hands to the sides of his face to deepen the kiss. Their bond, again, humming with approval. She felt the force energy gathering between them, seemingly giving her strength. 

Her mind was racing, feelings of confusion and happiness mixing into an untamable mess. Moments ago they were fighting, now their lips were locked against one another. _I’m going to lose my mind._ She thought to herself. 

A few moments later, they pulled out of the kiss. That happy grin returning to his face, she couldn’t help but give a wide smile in return. _Oh, that smile…._

She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a hug. Ensuring to keep in mind his injured ribs, she didn’t pull too hard. She allowed him to rest his head lightly in the crook of her neck, snaking his arms around her waist. Her fingers found their way into his hair, playing with it between her fingertips. 

They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity. She didn’t want it to end, yet Ben broke the silence between them. 

“Where are we going?” He questioned. “I know you set a course but to where?” 

“The resistance base.” 

She felt him tense against her, pulling back to look her in the eyes. 

“Rey…” he said, his tone told her everything she needed to know. 

“It will be ok. I’ll tell them what happened. How if it weren’t for you I would be a sith empress or dead. I’ll explain to them how you’ve turned and you aren’t Kylo Ren anymore.” She said, though she wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince him or herself. Doubts lurked in her mind, she pushed them away.

“Rey, you’d be lucky to get a word out before someone shot me on sight.” He stated plainly. 

She wrinkled her nose at him. “Leia was their general. She made it no secret she still had hope for you to turn. If they know that you’re just Ben Solo, not Kylo. If they know that you saved them, they’ll give you a chance.”

His face had returned to that expression that reminded her of Luke, the look that said she was being naive. She knew he didn’t believe it was possible. 

She sighed heavily. “Just let me try, ok?” 

“These people, they’re just people, Rey. They don’t and probably can’t understand the force. Let alone the effect the darkside has. The way in which the force can be used to manipulate the mind. They have no knowledge of our bond, or that a force dyad even exists. How do you explain that to someone? How you can literally feel the difference inside me? That you know who I truly am.” 

“I don’t know, alright? But you need help Ben, you need more medical supplies until I can heal you. We both need food, new clothes ...” She paused, realizing where she was going. “We need a home.”

Ben furrowed his brows at her. “You think they’d ever accept me living among them? I don’t think it’s possible. I’ve probably killed family or friends of theirs. They could never forgive me for that, nor should they.” 

Frustrated she pushed off from the bed, standing. “I guess we’ll just have to find out when we get there. Look, I won’t shout from the rooftops you’re there. I’ll start with Chewy and Lando, they knew you. Finn, Poe, and Rose. I’m sure C-3PO and R2 would also be alright to know.”

“I nearly killed your friends on multiple occasions, Rey.” 

A shiver when down her spine. The voice he used, it reminded her once again of the one he used when they first met. Of their talk in the throne room. Blunt and unforgiving. She hated when he sounded like that. But she knew he was right, she tried to keep her mind from replaying those moments. “I know.” She said, her voice hushed. “I’m going to try to make them understand.” 

He stared at her in silence for a moment. “I think I should stay on the Falcon, if you’re that determined to try.”

“I have to try, they have been a family to me. They will understand. They will.” 

He nodded at her, seemingly accepting her choice. She could feel his doubt through the bond, he had a bad feeling about what was going to happen. She tried not to focus on it. The more she thought about it, the more doubts _she_ had. 

She took a seat back down on the bed next to him, taking one of his hands in her. Silently tracing over the lines on his palm, she spoke quietly. “We should be there soon.”

He placed his other hand on her thigh, she could feel his reassuring thoughts even though she still felt his doubts. 

_Please, let them listen._ She thought, silently begging the universe. 


	2. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one might be rough guys, bare with me. Heavier stuff in this one. Ben comes face to face with some familiar people and faces some of the consequences of his choices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as the last, even though some of this might be heavy.  
> Don't worry, they'll be a lot more reylo content next chapter. This one is more focus on Ben facing the things he's done. 
> 
> There might be some errors I didn't catch, I will try to fix them later but I wanted to get this posted for everyone. 
> 
> I love Ben with my whole heart and soul. This poor child.

*** Ben’s P.O.V***

Ben was jostled awake as the Falcon entered the atmosphere. With a small gasp, he opened his eyes. 

**_I must’ve passed out for a second._ **

The last thing he remembered was Rey sitting quietly next to him, tracing shapes on his palm. Now, he was alone in the room with a blanket covering his legs. 

**_She must be finding somewhere to land._ **He pulled at their bond to reassure himself all that had happened wasn’t a dream. Rey was alive and by some miracle, so was he. The pain that shot through his chest as he tried to adjust himself told him it had all been very, very real. 

_Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. The Falcon was coming down too quickly, I had to adjust. Going to try to find a place to land further away from the main complex of the base._

The sound of her voice inside his mind soothed him in ways he hadn’t felt in a long time. As a warmth spread inside his chest he let a small smile across his lips. **_No, it’s fine. I should be awake for this anyway._ **

_Probably, but you looked so tired I couldn’t bring myself to wake you._

**_I can’t imagine you’re any less exhausted._ **

_I’m not the one with multiple broken bones._

Her concern for him still surprised him, even though he knew it shouldn’t. He felt as if he didn’t deserve such consideration. 

_Stop._

**_Stop what?_ **

_Questioning whether you deserve to be cared for. You do, Ben. You do._

He grimaced and brought his hand up to rub his face. He had forgotten they had to actively hide their thoughts from one another if they didn’t want them heard. Their bond has become stronger than it was _before_ they had both died. They no longer had to try to hear each other, nor did they have to wait for the force to connect them. They were always linked. 

**_That’s going to be something to get used to._ ** He thought to himself before replying to her. **_It’s just going to take me time to adjust to all this._ **

_I know._ She paused. _Me too. But we’ll be together for it._

**_Finally._ **He thought to himself as the Falcon landed. 

The second Rey entered the room he could feel the anxiety pouring off her in waves. It was nearly overbearing inside his head. She picked up his hand, lacing her fingers with his. He could tell she didn’t feel ready for this, she just stared down at their hands, interlocked. 

“Hey,” he waited for her to meet his eyes. “If anyone in this galaxy could make them understand, it’s you.” 

Ben meant what he said, he could tell she felt his sincerity. She had consistently proven everyone that underestimated her wrong. It was one of the reasons he admired her. The fire that burned so brightly inside her, he couldn’t help but be awed by it. 

She smiled. He could tell she knew he was still doubtful but she appreciated his effort. 

“I hope you’re right.” Rey stood and took a deep breath before turning to leave. “Wait here, if you need anything you know you can just use the bond to let me know.” 

He watched her leave, eyeing the way her hips swayed side to side. Letting his eye wander down her toned legs. He smirked to himself after she was out of site. 

\------

The silence felt like it was drilling into his head. Ben’s mind wandering to places he’d rather it not. They hadn’t been separated since he got to Exegol, he wasn’t sure what to do with himself while he waited.

All he really knew was he hated having to sit in one place. He hated how he couldn’t get up, walk around, or do anything really. Ben was used to always moving, doing something, going somewhere, training. If he wasn’t doing _something_ he felt it was a waste of time. 

He moved the leg that wasn't broken up and down, he was antsy. He didn’t like waiting, nor did he like not knowing what was going on. 

He reached out through the bond, he could feel Rey’s emotions going all over the place. Happiness, sadness, fear, nervousness all racing through her in the time span of a mere second. 

**_You got this._ ** He pushed to her. Even though she said nothing in return, the little jolt of joy she felt was enough for him to know she heard. 

His mind drifted to their conversations. He couldn’t understand how she could be so understanding of his actions, after everything that had happened. Her fierce protectiveness of him. She seemed to care so much for him, he felt unworthy. Why she would apologize for his life, his choices? It didn’t make any sense to him. 

**_Why did you apologize? It wasn’t your fault no one could protect me. I should have been able to protect myself. I should have trusted my family._ ** He ran his hands over his face. His thoughts lingered on the image of Luke holding a lightsaber above his head. **_Maybe they could have trusted me a little more too._ **

His mind snapped back to Rey’s words. **_‘They love you, Ben. They never stopped.’_ **Deep down, he knew that was true. Especially, when it came to his mother. She never lost hope for him, not even in death. 

A single tear fell from his eye, trailing down as he remembered her smiling face the day she began teaching him to spar. He knew Luke had taught her, Ben thought it was amusing how much she seemed to enjoy sparing. Mostly because she normally held herself with such poise, as do most politicians. Not to say she couldn’t be graceful with a practice saber, she often was. 

**_‘Your father would never let me teach him, he’s stubborn that way.’_ ** Ben watched her look over as his father came out towards them. **_‘Too afraid to be bested by a girl, I think.’_ ** She had teased him. ‘ **_The day you can pilot the Falcon through an asteroid field, we’ll talk, sweetheart.’_ **His father had quipped back. 

Their voices were as vivid as if they were standing right next to him. As fresh in his memory as it was when it happened. Ben had pushed all the memories of his life before to farthest recesses of his mind while he was Kylo Ren. They had only served to cause him pain. 

Now, they were still painful. Just not in the same way they had been. Now, they were lingering reminders of the life he could have had. A life where they were both still alive and he had made better choices. Where they all made better choices. 

Ben thought about how his mother sent him away, he understood, now, she had thought it was best. Send him where he could train to resist the darkness with someone she trusted entirely. 

A deep sadness began to spread through his heart, realizing that’s when he began feeling abandoned, like he was an unwanted pest to get rid of. He was 10 when they sent him away. At the time, he would have never admitted it. But all he wanted was to be with his parents. 

Though, he could remember feeling watched everywhere they went. He spent most of his time with his mother. His mother, the famous princess that helped lead the rebellion and was now back to being a respected Senator. 

When his father would come back from his trips, he was no less respectable. His father, the famed pilot who flew in the battle against the first death star and helped ensure the destruction of the second. 

Then he was sent away to his uncle. His uncle, the Jedi legend who had defeated Darth Vader. Who, at the time, Ben had no clue was his grandfather. 

Ben knew expectations of him must have been high. He most likely disappointed them all, beyond measure. He was disappointed in himself. 

He could hear Rey’s words lingering, how it wasn’t all his fault. **_Maybe. Maybe some of it wasn’t._ ** But that still left him wondering which choices were his. Which sins he needed to atone for the most. 

For a moment, his mind wandered back to his grandfather. He wondered what Anakin Skywalker was really like. Rey had said he was there, helping his mother and uncle revive him. He wondered what he would say to him now. What Anakin would say in return.

Ben was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of footsteps heading onto the Falcon. He could tell it wasn’t Rey, the footsteps were too heavy. A small spike of panic ran through him, he didn’t have anything to defend himself with. He wasn’t even sure he had the strength to use the force offensively. 

He jerked, trying to get up, only to be met with intense pain shooting through his chest and leg The pain cause him to sit back down, leaning his back against the wall. **_Kriff_ **.

Before Ben could even think of something to do, a figure appeared in the doorway. 

The blood drained from his face and his stomach dropped. He had never given it any thought what he would in this situation. He never wanted to think about it. Didn’t want to think about what Kylo Ren would do. 

“Un- Uncle Lando?” he stuttered out. All of the sudden, Ben was a child again. His father on one side and Lando on the other. He could still hear them arguing over how to teach him to use the blaster.

“Hey, kid” he said as he entered the room. His voice was still all too familiar, as if Ben had never left. His mind flashed back to the death star ruins, his father saying the same words. **_Hey, kid._ **

He was frozen, his mind racing, more memories of his childhood flashing before his eyes. He had never expected to see Lando again. Nor had he wanted to think about what would happen if he did. But he wasn’t Kylo Ren anymore. Yet, somehow, that seemed to make him feel worse. 

The memory of his lightsaber piercing through his father’s chest played in his mind. He couldn’t stop it from replaying on a loop as he watched Lando take a seat in a chair at the end of his bed. 

**_How could he forgive me for killing his best friend? My own father? He shouldn’t forgive me. He shouldn’t._ ** But Ben had no idea where that left him. Left _them_. 

His father’s voice echoed inside his head, the conversation they had on the death star ruins still fresh. **_No. Kylo Ren is dead. My son is alive._ **

Ben still wasn’t sure if that conversation was real. It felt real. It felt like his father was there, in front of him, touching his face. Speaking to Ben with an understanding he felt he didn’t deserve. 

He met Lando’s eyes, his expression was unreadable. He remembered the fact Lando was an amazing sabacc player, even if he did cheat from time to time. He wouldn’t be able to tell what he’s thinking. 

**_Should I tell him I saw my dad? Would he believe it? Would it make this worse or better?_ **Ben realized he had been holding his breath since Lando entered, he finally release the breath and tried to relax his body. 

Ben hadn’t realized how much he didn’t want this to happen yet. He didn’t want to talk. He wasn’t ready to. He didn’t even know what he should say, if he should say anything. He wasn’t ready to face this. Just hours ago he was still Kylo Ren, so much had changed so quickly. 

Rey had been grounding him, keeping his focus singular. She had been a final push, one to get him to finally accept the light again. He was only concerned with getting to her. Helping her, saving her. He had given very little thought to anything after. Even when she said she wanted to come back here, explain to her friends, explain to Lando and Chewie, he didn’t really think they would _want_ to speak to him. Let alone walk in here to have a private conversation.

But, he knew he had to face it. There wasn’t anything he could do to stop it. He agreed to come here. He knew Rey needed to. He had to say something. Or did he? He didn’t want to, yet the silence seemed worse. Just as he mustered the courage to speak, Lando lifted his hand to stop him. 

A few moments passed. The silence was now deafening. He could only hear his heart was pounding loudly in his chest, so loudly he thought Lando could hear it. Ben wished so badly Rey could be there with him. Or show up just to break the silence. When he reached for her, she seemed to be in no better shape than he was. He could hear some of her thoughts in passing, he could tell she was trying to start explaining what happened but kept being interrupted. 

Finally, Lando broke the silence that lingered between them. “If you had asked me, before I met Luke and Leia. Before I witnessed Darth Vader’s power. Whether I believed in the force, I would have told you no.’’ He reached up and scratched his beard before continuing. “But. Now? I can’t say I know what it is. How it works or the effect it has on those who can feel it. However, I definitely believe it exists.”

Ben couldn’t tell where he was going with this. Anxiety grippeed every fiber of his being, waiting for Lando to continue. He felt so vulnerable. This wasn’t a physical threat he could combat. He couldn’t even move from where he sat. Ben felt like a sitting duck and he hated every second. 

“Leia,” The voicing of his mother’s name aloud felt like a stab through his heart. He realized he never got to see her again. Never got to tell her how he regretted everything that had happened. That he wished he had done so much differently. Now, his only hope was to see her as a force ghost. Rey said she was there, helping her. Helping him. He closed his eyes for a moment, pushing back tears as Lando continued. “She never gave up hope for you. She always said there was still light in you.”

Ben wanted desperately to look away from Lando, to at least put some distance between them, he felt like he couldn’t breath sitting here. He felt trapped. But he knew he couldn’t look away or leave, if even if he had the ability to leave. Ben had to face the consequences of the things he’s done. This was just one of many painful interactions. He was sure of it. The pain he felt in this moment, he deserved every second. 

“Rey,” the mere mention of her name grounded him, pulling him from his thoughts. “She told me what you did. How you helped save the rebels- sorry, the resistance. You saved her life…. “ Lando paused, leaning forward. He cleared his throat. “She said it you did it...at the cost of your own.” 

Ben felt a lump forming in his throat. Fearing if he spoke he would fall apart, he simply nodded at him. 

Leaning back once again, Lando tilted his head. Seemingly in deep thought. Maybe he was deciding whether he believed it was possible. Maybe he didn’t believe a word Rey said and thought Ben would tell him differently. He could hardly blame Lando for doubting them. He, himself could barely believe the events of the last few hours.

“Now, on top of that.” He started again. “Rey said that Leia and Luke were there to help her. Their spirits, or as she called them, force ghosts, lending their strength. She said, they gave her the strength to bring _you_ back to life in return.” 

Ben stared blankly at Lando. He realized how ridiculous the story sounded out loud. **_Rey, do you realize how crazy we sound?_ **He pushed to her. 

He felt her annoyance carry through the bond. _I am trying here, ok? What did you want me to say? A lie? Some made up story? A half-truth? I figured that Lando and Chewie, at the very least, deserve the whole story. Crazy sounding or not._

**_Chewie._ **Ben’s heart jumped into his throat. The realization that he would have to face Chewie made his heart pound impossibly faster. 

“So,” Lando said, half laughing. “If I am to believe they would come back from the grave to save you,” Lando paused, taking in a deep breath. “I would have to believe that they believe in you. That you’ve ‘come back to the light’ as Rey had put it.” 

Ben was visibly taken aback but Lando didn’t care to pause. 

“Even if I believed all that, I might not have believed Rey about you. I mean, how could someone change so much in the blink of an eye? Yet, as I sit here.” He laced his fingers together, allowing his elbows to rest on his knees as he leaned forward once again. “I do not see the face of Kylo Ren. I see the face of the boy I once knew. The only I gave a blaster to. The one I helped teach how to shoot.”

Ben’s heart felt like it was going to implode, the mixture of emotions weighing heavily on his heart. He had never thought about Lando being able to _look at his face_ and tell the difference between him and Kylo Ren. Ben had never really known the difference was so significant. 

“I am going to be honest. I was not convinced. Of any of it. Not until the moment I walked in here and I saw you.” He gave an empty chuckle. “However, while I may believe it possible you have come back to who you once were….” Lando’s eyes pierced into his, as if he could see into Ben’s very soul. “You really messed up kid, huh?” 

Ben’s lip began quivering, tears threatening the corners of his eyes. He nodded. That was all he could manage. Unable to make his mouth form any words. His mind kept reaching for Rey, as if she could save him from this. 

Her pull on their bond gave him some reassurance he could handle this. That she would be there for him no matter what. 

Lando gave him a sad smile. “Rey, she mentioned something else. She said that Palpatine had been lurking inside your head. That not everything had happened was your fault. That he was, essentially, pulling you down this path.” 

Ben pressed his lips together. **_You really did tell him everything, didn’t you?_ ** He kept the thought to himself. He knew she just wanted people to understand. Yet, a small part of him still felt betrayed that something he had said to her in confidence, or at least he thought it was in confidence, was spoken so easily to someone else.

“It’s not an excuse.” Ben said plainly, finally finding his voice. His mixing emotions making it hard to feel any one in particular. 

“Be that as it may, I can imagine it’s hard to know what’s true when you can’t trust the voices inside your own head.” 

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Ben steeled himself. Taking a deep breath before he spoke. “My mistakes. The things I’ve done, they can’t be excused easily. It was still a part of me that did those things. Whether or not someone was inside my head. My weakness was exploited to hurt others. That will always be on me.” 

Lando nodded at him. “This, this admission you have going on inside your own self. It’s good. It offers some proof to me that you have changed, at least in some small ways. Perhaps Rey was right and there is no more Kylo Ren left in you. I don’t think you would have admitted your mistakes if he were.” 

“I saw my dad.” Ben blurted out. He shocked himself. He hadn’t thought to say it, it just escaped from his lips. It took a second to process what he had even said. 

Lando leaned even closer, his brow creasing. “Oh?” 

Ben shifted, even more uncomfortable under Lando’s gaze. “Yes.”

“Did anything happen? Or did you just see him?”

“He spoke to me.” Ben tried to keep his answers plain, secretly hoping he wouldn’t ask for more details. He looked towards the door, trying to will Rey to appear. 

“What did he say?”

The tears Ben had held back for so long began flooding his eyes so he closed them, attempting to keep them from escaping. **_No getting out this now._ **Taking a heavy breath, he kept them closed as he spoke. “He told me to come home. Kylo Ren is dead. His son is alive. That I-” Ben’s voice broke, he tried to cough to cover it up. 

Opening his eyes, Lando was staring intently at him, urging him to finish. 

“He said he knows I have the strength to do what I know is right.” Ben felt so small in this exchange, as if he had never grown up and Lando was still the adult looming over him. He remembered him laughing when Ben told him he wanted to be a pilot like his father. 

Every memory that came flooding back felt like shattered glass against his heart, shredding it into pieces.

Lando let a smile slip across his lips. He nodded, leaning back. “That sounds like your father.” 

Lando’s words made Ben feel like he wasn’t insane. That it might have been possible that his father had actually been there, somehow, to help him. 

Lando paused until Ben met his eyes. “That was one thing about your father. After meeting Luke and Leia, meeting the rebellion, he found a new strength inside himself. Something about them made him want to do better. Now, don’t get me wrong. Han could still be a selfish son of a bitch sometimes. _But_ , everytime it came down to it, he knew what was right. He doubted himself plenty. Yet, he always made the right choice in the end.” 

The comparison was enough to make Ben’s head spin, the prospect that Lando was comparing his father’s faults to his own. That his father knew what Ben needed to hear because he knew what he wished he had heard back then. Someone to say you do know what’s right, you have the strength to follow it. 

“It would appear, your father wanted you to do the same. Choose right, in the end.” Lando leaned back in his chair. “From what it would appear, in the end, you did.”

Ben’s mind was engulfed in sadness, memories of moments with his father when he was young replaying one after the other. “Not fast enough.” he mumbled. 

Lando was silent for a moment, knowing what Ben meant. “Yet, despite what you did, despite all you have done, it would appear your family deem you worthy to try to make up for those mistakes.” 

“I know a lot of what I’ve done is unforgivable.”

“And yet, sometimes, we seem to find that one person who can forgive us. Forgive us for things no one ever should. Someone who can see through to our core and bring out the best in us. Leia seemed to do that for Han, when they weren’t fighting anyway.” Lando gave Ben a knowing glance. “It would appear, you have found that someone. The one who accepts the beast as well as the man.” 

Before Ben could reply he felt panic surge through him. It wasn’t his own. 

His head snapped to the doorway, he could hear faint yelling. He tried to enter Rey’s mind. It was a whirlwind of panic, desperation, and exhaustion. **_Rey._ ** He tried to reach her but she didn’t seem to notice. ****

The yelling was getting louder and closer to them. Lando stood, also hearing the approaching chaos. 

He heard her voice. 

“Poe, Finn. Stop!” 

**_Oh, shit._ **

He heard their feet hit the Falcon’s ramp and panic surged inside him again. He couldn’t tell if it was his, Rey’s, or a mix of both. Ben desperately wished he could stand, at the very least. 

Lando moved in the way of the door as Poe and Finn approached it. He could see their faces peering past him and to Ben. **_Is Lando...protecting me?_ **

Once their eyes settled on his face, their faces became ones of shock, horror, and disbelief rolled into one. 

“It’s true…” Finn mumbled, stepping back.

Rey had finally caught up with them, she bent over leaning her hands on her knees. “You didn’t even let me explain!” She shouted through exhaused pants, trying to regain control of her breathing. “How did you even know he was here?” She questioned.

Finn turned to face her, scowling. “I have been trying to tell you that I was force sensitive for a while but you never stopped! You just kept pushing on! Complaining about how you feel none of us understand you.”

“You’re what?” Rey questioned. 

He seemed to ignore her and continue his rant. “ _Then_ you just _take off_ without us in the Falcon and disappear then you bring KYLO REN here.” 

“He’s not Kylo Ren, anymore!” She yelled back at him, standing up straight. “Which, if you would have _waited_ , I could have explained to you.” 

“Are you really that naive?” Finn shot back at her. 

Rey pulled back, looking at him in confusion. “ _Naive_ ? You have _no idea_ what happened or who he is!” 

“Why would it matter? He’s a _monster_ , Rey! Do you _realize_ how many people he’s _killed_ ? How many more he’s hurt? I’m one of them! Poe’s one of them! _You’re_ one of them!” He was in her face now, Ben wanted to intervene but couldn’t before she yelled back. 

“You don’t know Ben, Finn. He is not Kylo Ren! He isn’t the person who did all those things anymore!” 

“ _Ben_???” Finn pulled back from her, repulsed. 

Poe tried to push them apart but Finn pushed the fight anyway. 

“So, he’s _Ben_ now? Really, Rey? What could have possibly happen-”

“I DIED, FINN!” 

Silence settled over them all. Finn and Poe staring at her in bewilderment. Rey’s eyes were filled with tears. 

**_I’m right here, Rey. Go on, try to explain it to them._ **

She glanced passed Lando to meet his eyes, the world around them seeming to momentarily fade away. The look she gave him reminded when he arrived to Exegol, when their bond connected them. Her fear dissipated and she looked at him with such hope in her eyes. Just as he did then, he gave her a reassuring nod. 

She nodded back and turned her attention back to her friends, the world around them coming back into view. Taking a deep breath, she began to explain. “The truth is, without him. We would all be dead.”

Finned snorted. “He _is_ the reason a lot of us _are already_ dead.” 

Rey gritted her teeth but pushed on speaking. “When I went to Exegol. I went alone. I thought I could face Palpatine. That I could kill him. I wanted to end it. But when I got there, he was stronger than I thought. He….he _wanted_ me to kill him. To take the sith throne. To be the empress. I almost gave in. I thought it was the only way to save you all. I was alone and I had no idea what I could do.” She paused, glancing over to Ben. “Then Ben came for me. He had turned back to the light and came _for me._ He saved me. He saved us all. It wasn’t the first time. I never told you the truth about Snoke. Ben killed him to protect me. Just as he did then he came to face Palpatine alongside me, to help me.”

There was a moment of silence as the men exchanged perplexed looks. 

“Ok, fine. Say all that’s true. That he...saved you. Twice. You said you died?” Poe questioned. He was moderately less angry than Finn, he seemed more open to hearing her. He had a hand on Finn’s shoulder, keeping him quiet for the time being.

Tears formed again in the corners of her eyes. “We tried to fight him but he was too powerful. He….he took our force energy. He threw Ben in a pit and left me for dead. The Jedi helped me get enough strength to stand and finish the fight but….it took too much out of me. I...I died.” She pulled on their bond, he pulled right back. “Ben brought me back from death. Finn, he gave me his life.”

“He looks plenty alive to me.” Finn quipped. 

“Because _I_ brought _him_ back.” 

Finn leaned towards her again. “What?! Why would you do that?”

Rey paused. Ben could feel her mind racing, she didn’t know where to begin to explain their bond.

Finn’s jaw dropped. His mind forming its own answer. He looked disgusted. “How could you actually _care_ about that _monster_?” 

“Finn, stop.” Poe snapped. Trying to defuse the situation, he tried to pull Finn back. 

“You could never understand.” She finally said, quietly. She looked so defeated. He wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around her. Comfort her as best he could. 

“You’re definitely right about that.” Finn growled. 

Finn moved to push past her but she grabbed his arm. “Finn-” 

Before anyone knew it Rey was off her feet. She flew backwards and her back hit the wall of the Falcon with a thud and she fell to her knees. 

An all too familiar feeling flooded through Ben, his eye began to twitch. He started to raise his hand but Lando grabbed his wrist. 

  
The action shocked Ben out of his rage and he eyed Lando. “If you _really_ want them to even _begin_ to believe you’ve changed, I wouldn't.” he said, his voice firm. 

_Ben, don’t. Please._

The sound of her timid voice inside his mind was enough to make him listen. He swallowed hard, trying to regain control of himself. 

“What was that, Finn?!” Poe screamed after him but Finn was already gone. 

Lando and Poe headed over to Rey, helping her to her feet. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Poe pulled her into a tight hug. 

Despite wanting to be the one to hug her, Ben was glad it seemed one of her friends wasn’t going to forsake her for caring about him. 

After they exchanged a short conversation, Poe pulled away from her, leaving her and Lando to talk. He stopped in the doorway in front of Ben. 

They stared at each other in silence for what felt like ages. **_I should try to make this work. Somehow. For her. I have to try for her. Say something. Anything._ **

Ben cleared his throat. “So...who talks first? You talk first, I talk first?” 

Poe furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head. “Did you just- Did you- Are you- did you just try making a joke? Big bad Kylo Ren just made _a joke_?” He questioned.

“I thought it might make this less awkward.” Ben rubbed the back of his neck. “Somehow, I think it made it more awkward.” 

“Well, it was strange. Like, really strange. Especially because you _kidnapped_ me after that little chat.”

Ben grimaced. “I know.” sighing heavily, he continued. “I can never make up for that. For what I did. For everything I did, actually.” 

Poe's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. “Was that an _apology_ ? Do I actually hear _regret_ ?” He shook his head waving his hands in front of him. “This is too much strange happening. Look. I don’t know what happened between the two of you. Not really. I’m sure there’s more than Rey will ever willingly explain.” Poe cleared his throat. “ _But_ , if you really did save her. If you helped save ...everyone.” Poe paused, taking in a breath and adjusting his jaw. “Thanks.” 

Ben could see how hard that was for him to say. He nodded back to him, unsure of what else to say. Whether saying anything else was a good idea. 

“Leia was a good woman.” Poe spoke quietly. “Rey is a good woman. They seem to think the light in you is worth something. I hope they’re right. I hope this different person you seem to be right now, I hope it’s genuine. I hope you’re worth saving after everything you’ve done. I hope Leia didn’t die for nothing.” Not waiting for his reply, Poe turned. He caught himself on the door frame, gripping it hard. He finally pulled himself back, allowing on arm to raise above his head and lean on the opposite wall. He stared at the floor.

Ben knew he was trying to figure out something to say or how he wanted to say something. Ben waited. He never thought about how close his mother was to some of these people. He slowly realized Poe wasn’t on the warpath because of Leia. Poe was respecting a mother's last wishes for her son. 

Finally, Poe met Ben’s eyes. “For Reys sake, for the sake of Leia's memory.” He looked back down at the ground, lips pursed. Pulling his eyes back up to meet his, he continued. “You get... _one_ chance from me. Ren. One.” He sighed. “This doesn’t mean we have to try to be friends. Just. _Civil_. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go have an uncomfortable conversation with my boyfriend about him maybe doing the same.”

Ben watched as Poe walked off. **_I hope I’m worth it to. I really do._ ** His mind wandered. Poe’s words repeating in his mind. **_‘I hope Leia didn’t die for nothing.’_ ** His mind than echoing his father's words in response. **_‘What she stood for, what she fought for, that’s not gone’_ ** Ben shook his head. **_How to I continue what she stood for when I’m a monster to everyone she cared for?_ **Ben wished his father had said more to him before he had disappeared. 

Rey and Lando entered his room. She took a seat next to him and he couldn’t wrap his arms around her fast enough. He had forgotten about his injured ribs and moved too quickly. He sucked in a sharp breath and fell back against the wall. 

She got up quickly and grabbed the bacta spray. She lifted his shirt, spraying over his injured ribs once again. He felt some relief. 

**_I think you’re gonna have to lean over to me._ **

She didn’t say anything, just leaned over and wrapped her arms loosely around his neck. 

_At least Poe wasn’t so angry at me. He seemed willing to listen, to give you a chance._ She thought to him, after a few moments of silence. 

**_I think we have my mom to thank for that._ **

_I told you some of them would know Leia’s wishes for you. Finn just…_

**_Finn shouldn’t have thrown you._ **Ben snapped, harsher than he meant to.. 

Rey pulled back. _No_ . _But he has no idea how to control his powers. I don’t think he meant to do it. He was just...angry. I wish I’d known earlier, I could have helped him develop his powers._ She eyed him. _What exactly had you planned on doing in return when Lando stopped you?_

**_I just wanted to protect you._ **

Before she could question him further, to his relief, he heard Lando clear his throat. He realized how awkward this must seem to him. To him, they had just been sitting there in silence looking at each other. 

“Lando, were you ... guarding me?” Ben asked, hesitantly. Rey turned to face Lando and leaned her back against the wall next to Ben. 

“I know that not everyone here believes in the force. Let alone believe someone, who was once their biggest enemy, can change overnight. Did you not expect such anger?” he asked. 

“I expected my friends to at least listen.” Rey said, crossing her arms and looking down to the ground. “I knew that there would be anger but Finn didn’t even care to listen to a word I said.” 

“I think we all know what it’s like to let anger get the better of us.” he replied, giving Ben a look.

**_If only he knew exactly how true that was._ **He watched as Rey’s mind flashed back to their battle on the death star. He wished she wouldn’t worry about it so much. 

“If you two want my advice,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I would leave here.”

Rey’s eyes snapped up to his. “You really think we can’t stay here?” She asked, he could hear the heartbreak in her voice. 

Reaching behind her, he started rubbing little circles over the small of her back. His heart broke for her, especially knowing he was the reason for all of this. Were it not for him, everyone would be happy. Rey could be celebrating with her friends, not fighting with them. 

“I don’t think you would be safe here. Even if a few would accept that fact he’s still breathing, even less would likely accept him living here.” Lando stated honestly. He stood. “Look, I can go have some things gathered for you. Medical supplies, rations, clothes, water. But after that, I would leave.” 

As Lando left the room, he paused in the door. “You still got that blaster I gave you, kid?”

“I, um, lost it on Exegol.” Ben answered honestly. 

“Hm.” Lando, moved his cape around his body and pulled his blaster from his holster. He tossed it to Ben. He barely reacted in time to catch it. “Don’t lose that one.” 

Lando’s steps faded and Rey and Ben were alone again. Lando’s blaster resting in his hands. He stared down at it. Memories once again taking over his mind. 

“You were right.” She whispered. Her voice pulled him from the endless void of memories.

He moved his hand from the small of her back to wrap all the way around her side, biting his tongue to hide the pain from his ribs. She leaned her head on his shoulder. 

“I didn’t want to be right.” he stated. 

“But you knew you were right. Part of me knew it to. I just…” 

“You didn’t want to have to leave your home.” Ben paused, a heavy sigh escaping from his lips. “Rey, if you want to stay you should.”

She sat up, turning to face him. “You mean leave you alone? No.”

The resolute way in which she said it gave him pause. She didn’t hesitate, he sensed no doubt in her mind. He couldn’t help the grin that crept onto his face. **_Only you can make me feel this way, you know that?_ **He thought to himself. 

He shook his head. “I want you to be happy, Rey. I don’t want to drag you into the mess I've made of my life. I don’t want you to leave these people that you’ve come to care for just because I can’t stay here.”

She was silent for a moment, her eyes never leaving his. He could feel her mind working out what she wanted to say but she hid the thoughts from him. 

“Ben…” She grabbed his hand from off the blaster, locking it between the two of hers. She appeared to be bracing herself for what she was about to say. 

He watched her, taking in all the ways her face moved. The little scrunch of her nose, the way her lips always pulled more to the right when she spoke, a glimmer of light that seemed to sit permanently behind her eyes. The tips of her ears turning a rosy color that rivaled the color of her lips. He swore he could stare at her forever. 

“When you died.” She started. “I felt the most _horrible_ feeling I have ever felt in my entire life. In that moment, the only thing I wanted was for you to come back to me. I wasn’t thinking about anyone else but you. I almost just laid down next to you and let myself go because the feeling was too overwhelming to bare. You said it yourself. We are two halves of the same soul. How do you think I could ever live happily without the other half of me?” 

Ben stared at her in astonishment, his jaw had dropped a small bit. He didn’t know what to say. **_Did she just say I meant more to her than anything else?_ **

“Would you please say something…” She whispered. 

Ben didn’t say anything. He just pulled her close to him, pressing his lips to her. He poured every ounce of passion he could into the kiss. Though he doubted he could ever express properly what she meant to him. He felt one of her hands move from his and slip up around his neck. Her fingers tangling themselves in his hair. 

This kiss was more intense than the others. Both of them seemingly trying to pull the other impossibly closer. There was a hunger building in them. He felt their bond humming between them, he swore with each passing moment his injuries felt relief. 

They finally pulled apart, resting their foreheads against one another. Both of them were breathing heavily, her face was now a lovely shade of pink. Her eyes were sparking, he almost lost himself in them entirely.

“Ben,” she whispered, pulling her face away from his. “We need to figure out a plan.” 

He let out a huff as she pulled away and she let a small giggle escaped from her lips. **_Did she just giggle? She giggled. She actually giggled. Why is that the cutest thing I’ve ever heard in my life? I’m so screwed._ **

She pulled back further from him, moving a few inches away on the bed. “Come on, we need to figure out somewhere to go. Even if it’s temporary. We need time to recover.” 

He leaned his head back against the wall, trying to bring his focus back in. “Well. If you want somewhere to hide, we could consider the unknown regions. 

A spark lit in her eyes. “That’s it.”

“What’s it?”

“Ahch-To! It’s the perfect place for us to recover. It’s wher-” She cut herself off, slowly realizing something. “Um, it’s where Luke was hiding.”

The mention of his uncle's name, to his surprise, didn’t anger him in the same way it did before. He was still angry. But it didn’t seem to consume him like it had before. He nodded to her. “Alright. If you think that’s a good place.” He squeezed her hand. “I trust you.” 

She smiled, he could sense her lurking in the back of his mind. Likely trying to determine his sincerity. “Well, I guess I should go check on Lando. See what other things I can gather up.” Her smile faded. “Say my goodbyes.”

He hated seeing her so sad, she tried to hide it from him but he still felt it. He wished he could fix it all. 

Rey stood and he held onto her hand, not wanting to let her go again so soon. She smirked at him. “I’ll be back soon, I promise.”  
  


Ben nodded, forcing himself to let go of her hand. She walked out of the room, though she wasn’t gone too long before he heard she voice again.  
  


“Come on, you both need to face this.” 

Ben furrowed his eyebrows. **_What are you up to now?_ **

It didn’t even take a second to get the answer. 

The harsh growl made his heart jump back into his throat. 

“ _Chewie_ , come _on_! You should talk anyway and someone needs to watch over him while I’m gathering supplies.” Rey groaned. 

**_Is Chewie watching over me such a good idea?_ **

_Hush._

Ben’s heart kept beating faster the closer they got. When Chewie finally came into view, Ben’s mind flashed back to how intimidating he was when he was a child. He remembered Chewie towering over him, reaching down to pick him up, taking him into the other room while his parents talked. Ben eventually got used to Chewies size, they often played together while his parents were arguing. 

They stared at one another. Rey’s eyes darted between them. “So, um, are you two going to be okay until I come back?” 

Chewie let out a low growl. 

“Don’t give me that. I know part of you still care about him. Talk to him!” Rey pulled a chair over from another part of the ship and leaned it against the wall just outside the room Ben was in. “Sit.” She commanded. 

Chewie roared at her but he still took a seat. He kept speaking but she held her finger up to silence him. 

“Speak to him. Not me about this. I have to go. Don’t kill each other.” She paused, looking back and forth between them. “Really. I mean it. Don’t kill each other.” 

Ben looked at her, begging her to stay. 

_You’ll be fine_.

**_I’m not so sure about that._ **

_You seemed to do ok with Lando._

**_Lando didn’t shoot me with his bowcaster._ **

He felt her mind flash to the moment he had killed his father, the emotions she attached to that moment could have incapacitated him. He had to take a moment to retreat from her mind, regretting even mentioning it. 

_Can you blame him?_ She finally questioned him. 

He hadn’t expected the jab, but he knew he deserved it. 

**_No. But-_ **

She waved him off. _Be good. I’ll be back. If anything bad happens I’ll know._ She gave Chewie one last stern look before heading off the Falcon. 

They sat in silence, eyeing each other. Part of him was grateful for the quiet after being forced to speak with Lando and the mess that just occured between Rey and her friends. Ben tried to ignore Chewie’s glare, picking up and examining Lando’s blaster. It was similar to the one he had lost, which didn’t surprise him considering his first was also from Lando. 

It wasn’t long before he heard Chewie growl at him. 

He glanced up, once again meeting his eyes. “Chewie-” 

Chewie roared at him, going on and on, waving his arms around wildly at him. 

Ben placed the blaster down in his lap, he dug his nails into his palms as Chewies raving went on. “I know. I know I killed him. Chewie, there is not a day, not a _minute_ that goes by that I don’t regret it.”

He growled lowly at Ben. 

The question gave him pause. The only other person who had asked him _why_ was Rey. Which, back then, he never really answered her. He didn’t want to. He wanted to forget. Forget everything. **_Let the past die_ **, he told her. Now, he realized why. He didn’t want to acknowledge the truth. 

He was afraid. Snoke, rather Palpatine, was telling him he was weak because of his father. Because of the connections to his family that still lingered. He would never be able to become as powerful as his grandfather while those ties still existed. Darth Vader had no one to care for, no one to weaken him. 

Palpatine whispered in his ear that the only way to effectively sever those ties was... in a permanent manner. He had already sacrificed so much for Snoke, for the darkside. He knew, rather he thought he knew, that they would never be able to take him back. The attachment to his family had only been causing him pain, causing some part of him to cling to light. 

Yet, when it came to it, when he saw his father, heard him call his name, he still hesitated. Even after he swore he wouldn’t, that he would do what he had to do. What he _thought_ he had to do. One word. His name. His _real_ name, spoken by his parent. That was enough to make him falter. His fear coming true, Snoke was right. They made him weak. 

Then the unexpected happened. His father told him to come home. Despite everything that had happened. All he had done. He still wanted him to come home. 

He had felt Palpatine’s presence, as Snoke, inside his mind. Waiting, watching to see what he would do. If he would do it. If he _could_ do it. Under his father’s gaze he felt so small. His words seeping into his mind, making him doubt more and more each second whether everything was worth it. Whether is was possible to come back. Ben thought, in that moment, no. There was no going back for him. Not after all he’s done. Even if his parents wanted him back, he didn’t deserve to come back. After all he had sacrificed already, he couldn’t. His finger flicked on the lightsaber. 

Watching his father's shocked face, his hand still coming up to caress his face so gently, even as he was dying, shattered him. Despite what Ben had just done his father still loved him. His face haunted Ben. The thing he thought would free him, broke him even more. 

Ben moved his legs out from under the blanket and he turned his body to face Chewie as he sat on the edge of the bed. His body screaming in pain the whole time. Ben had to move, he couldn’t take just sitting there anymore. He tried to balance most of his weight on his good leg. Slowly, he realized his broken femur had healed somewhat, the bone no longer completely separated. Ben tilted his head. **_Interesting. How did this happen? I didn’t heal it._ ** His mind wandered back to how he felt while kissing Rey. How the pain lessened while their lips were interlocked. **_Huh. That’s something to explore._ **

Ben shook his head, returning his focus. He met Chewie's eyes. **_How does one explain all of what happened? Why I did things so...terrible._ **There was no explaining. No defense. He had been wrong. The consequences of that would haunt him the rest of his days. 

“I _thought_ I had to. I thought I _had_ to... kill him. Because there was no going back for me. I had to follow the path I thought my grandfather wanted for me.” Ben paused, he didn’t want to continue. He wasn’t used to this, having to explain himself. To anyone. Snoke barked orders at him, only having to explain his failures. **_I guess that’s still what I’m doing._ **He realized. 

He forced the rest of the words from his lips. “It’s not an excuse. I know you probably hate me. I don’t expect you to forgive me. You shouldn’t. I will never forgive myself for what I did.” Ben closed his eyes. “It’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made. Nothing I could do or say will change that.” 

Chewie was quiet for a moment before letting out a long, guttural, roar. The sadness in his tone made Ben feel even worse than before. 

“I know. I don’t know where that leaves us either. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, Chewie. I don’t feel like I deserve the air I’m breathing.” 

Chewie snarled. 

Ben snorted. “Yeah, maybe you’re right. Maybe dying was too much of a kindness.”

He roared at him. 

“You’re right, ok? You’re right. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for my mistakes. I have to for him. For mom. For Rey. I need to face the things I’ve done.” Ben pinched the bridge of his nose, wishing this conversation would just end. He would welcome the deafening silence at this point. He knew he had to face this. He knew he had to change, to be the person his family fought to save. This was just too much too fast. 

Chewie got up and approached him. Ben didn’t flinch, just let him come forward. Fully ready for whatever Chewie was going to do. 

He leaned down in front of Ben and let out a quiet growel. 

Ben stared at him in shock. “What do you mean you don’t want to hate me?”

Chewie uttered a series of quiet grunts, growls, and roars. 

As Chewie spoke, the memories of which he spoke of replayed in Ben’s mind. He reminded him of the times Chewie snuck him sweets under the table at formal events his mom forced them to attend and of teaching Ben to play chess on the Falcon. He didn’t want to hate that boy, his best friend's son. 

Chewie let out one final low growl before returning to his seat, facing away from Ben, keeping his attention anywhere else. 

Ben sat there, his eyes settling on the floor as his mind wandered. He couldn’t blame Chewie. He understood it completely. He didn’t deserve to be forgiven. Yet, hearing Chewie actually say he doesn’t think he could ever forgive him still stung. 

**_I deserve this. I have to do better. Be better. I need to deserve to be sitting here._ **

As silence engulfed them, Ben was left alone with his thoughts. Attempting to understand why his family still had faith in him. Why Rey did. And what he could do to prove he was worth saving. 

He was going to make sure he didn’t let them down a second time. He just wasn’t sure where to even begin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think in the comments! I know this chapter was a bit darker and different because it's from Ben's P.O.V. 
> 
> Next chapter will be back to Rey's P.O.V.  
> We'll see her say some goodbyes, leave, and we'll get to Ahch-To.  
> Should definitely be more Reylo.


	3. Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoy this one, prepare for some heavy Reylo content and some Rey and Rose. 
> 
> Next Chapter might remain in Rey's P.O.V. or it might end up being a mix of their P.O.V's. We'll see.

***Rey’s P.O.V.***

As Rey walked off the Falcon her body felt as if it was vibrating. Her mind replaying Finn throwing her on a loop. She had already been weak, the impact on her back was significant. She could already feel it bruising. 

Between Finn’s rage and Ben’s, her head was spinning. Her thoughts lingering on Ben’s face, momentarily slipping back into that cold mask he wore as Kylo Ren. He had been angry. She knew he felt the need to defend her. Rey tried to remind herself that it was going to take time for Ben to fully shed Kylo Ren. 

Ben told her Kylo Ren had always been a part of him, an embodiment of his anger. She wondered what could be a way to redirect that anger into something good. How long it would take for that anger to cease. She knew it would never disappear entirely, his entire life made sure of that. Palpatine made sure of that.

_Maybe we could train together._ Training was the only time she ever stood a chance at clearing her head. It didn’t always work entirely, but it would always help to relieve some of her tension. 

Rey looked around as she made her way to the corner inside the main complex she had made into her bunk. She wondered if she’d ever be able to come back here, whether they would allow her to if they knew who was with her. She had made this place her home for the past year, it never occurred to her she would leave it so quickly. 

She felt dejected as she gathered up the few things she owned. Looking at the people passing by her without saying a word, she realized she didn’t know many of them by name. They probably didn’t know her beyond being the Jedi General Leia was training. _Maybe that’s my fault._

Rey had been so focused on her Jedi training, on finding better ways to combat the first order, on trying to do her duty that she never really stopped to get to know many people. Poe, Finn, and Rose were as close friends as she had. 

Her mind drifted back to Finn’s words. How she had complained no one here understood her. She shook her head. _I didn’t mean it like that._ She sighed to herself. Yet, the more she thought about it, the more she saw the truth in her words. She _did_ feel like no one here understood her. No one had bothered to ask her about herself, not really. Even Finn, Poe, and Rose only knew a little about her. She still hadn’t informed them of her true parentage, that conversation would have to wait for if she ever got the courage. 

She threw her belongings into a box she had grabbed nearby, stacking it on top of the box of Jedi texts. _That’s my fault. I never tried to open up to people. I never stopped to take a second to let anyone in._ She paused, her mind drifting back to Ben. _Maybe one person._

Pulling on their bond, he was quick to pull back. His momentary presence causing the weight inside her chest to lighten. She didn’t understand why such a small thing could ground her so easily. Even though she felt like a complete mess, he could still pull her back from wherever her mind wandered with one simple action. 

Rey couldn’t put her feelings for him into words. Their force bond, their dyad, it only seemed to deepen a connection that was already there. 

That day on Ahch-To, when the bond first connected them across the galaxy, it scared her. She had no idea what was going on or why. And with him of all people. 

As these moments kept happening, she slowly started to see through the cracks in his mask. She got to know him better, understand more of why he was the way he was. Every time they spoke, he seemed to lower his guard a little more. 

In turn, she lowered hers a little more each time. Eventually, he showed her parts of himself he didn’t let anyone else see _but her_. Without their bond connecting them, she had no idea what would have happened between them. 

Would they have ever found out they were a dyad? Would they have found out how deep of a connection they shared? It was as if their bond purposefully opened when it did to push them together. The force demanding it’s dyad to unite. To bring balance. Not only to the force but _to each other_. 

She let a small smile slip across her lips. _Maybe that’s why you ground me so easily._

Rey had known since the events in the throne room that the force must’ve had a plan for them. She just had to trust it. _Who knew the bond that had once scared me would bring me such comfort? A man I once thought was a monster ending up becoming my other half._

Her thoughts drifted to their conversation in her hut, how she had felt relief at the sight of him after her ordeal. She felt vulnerable. Yet, she trusted him and confided in him. She remembered their hands reaching out and touching for the first time. The electricity that shot through them both, his future blurring in front of her eyes, unclear but solid. 

Rey had seen his turn, had seen she’d help him. But she had no idea that it would all happen like it did. Especially, after her vision of them sitting together on the sith throne. She thought she had done something wrong or he did. They had somehow messed up a brighter future and she would turn for him instead. The image itself had not been what worried her. It was the knowledge that there was darkness in her, that it was _actually possible_ for her to turn to take his hand. 

The more she tried to think about it all the more her head spun. None of it made sense, not logically. The force didn’t seem to offer any _logical reason_ for _any of it_. All she knew, was now she couldn’t imagine her life without him. The emotional impact of his death still swimming around in her head. She never wanted to feel that pain ever again. 

With a heavy sigh, she lifted the boxes, looking around for anything she may have missed as she exited the space. 

As she made her way back towards the Falcon, she saw Lando directing some men in gathering up some supplies. She was grateful, even if she had to leave she was grateful someone was helping them. She wasn’t sure she could remember everything they would need. 

“Rey!” She heard a small voice call after her. 

She put the boxes down in front of the ramp to the Falcon and turned to face her. “Hi, Rose.” she said quietly. She figured Poe or Finn must’ve informed her of the situation by then, she held her breath as Rose approached. 

Rose glanced up the ramp. “So, he’s really in there, huh?” 

Rey nodded, pulling her arms up to grip her upper arms, squeezing them tightly.

Rose smiled at her. “Hey, look, it’s ok. I’m not gonna freak out or anything. Finn was _still_ yelling at Poe as I left to find you. So, I get why you would think that.” She sighed, her smile dropping. “I don’t know him. I know about Kylo Ren, sure. But I don’t know _him_ , whoever he is with you. I doubt I ever really will.” 

She stepped forward and pulled Rey into a hug. Caught off guard, it took Rey a second to settle into it, wrapping her arms around Rose’s smaller form. She waited for Rose to continue. 

“I may not know him.” She paused. “ _But_ , I know _you_ .” She spoke so gently against her ear, it was a nice change from others yelling at her. “Maybe not the way he knows you. Or even Poe or Finn. But I know enough to understand if you say he’s changed, if you say he’s _worth_ giving a second chance to. I _believe you_ , Rey.” 

Rey started tearing up, she hadn’t expected such kind words from anyone. After Finn’s rage, she had expected simple acceptance of the situation, especially since they were leaving. Rose seemed to offer her an understanding, not just an acceptance. “Thank you.” She whispered, barely able to hold her tears at bay.

Rose held her for a few moments while she composed herself. Finally, Rey pulled away and offered Rose the best smile she could manage. 

After stepping back, Rose pulled something from her pocket. “Look, I want you to have this.” 

Rey recognized it. It was the other half of the medallion set Rose has shared with her sister. Rose held it out to her. 

  
She shook her head vigorously. “I could never accept that. It’s what you have left of your sister.” 

Rose offered her a sad smile. “I held onto this because I promised my sister we would finish the fight. We have. We won. In the end, while I miss her everyday, she didn’t die in vain.” She glanced down, twirling the medallion around in her palm. “My sister will _always_ be with me. I will carry her with me wherever I go.” She held it back out to Rey. “Now, I think you need it more.”

Rey shook her head again, still not understanding why she would offer up something so precious. 

Rose leaned forward, pulling Rey’s hand up and placing the medallion in it. “I want you to have it as a reminder you will always have a place in _my family,_ Rey. I know Ren has done awful things. But I put _my faith_ in _your faith_ in him. Because I believe in you, I will believe in him. Enough to give him a fair chance, anyway. So, if you ever need anything, a place to rest or someone to talk to or whatever it might be, my door will be open. I think my sister would have agreed.”

Tears were streaming down Rey’s face, unable to contain them in the smallest bit. She thought no one here truly knew her. Understood her. She thought it was her fault, she hadn’t let anyone too close. Rose even admitted she may not know her intimately, yet, she still placed such faith in Rey. 

“Not that I know where I’m going yet, I still need to figure out my place in the galaxy now. But when I do have a home, you’re welcome there. I just ne- _oof_ ” Rose was cut off as Rey yanked her back into a tight hug. 

Rey was overwhelmed by Rose’s kindness. She was so utterly elated that at least someone, at least one of her friends, bothered to have faith in her. To believe her. To trust her. 

Lando approached them with several men carrying crates behind him, he instructed them to load them onto the Falcon and then approached the girls. 

“I’ve gathered as much supplies as it seems we can spare. More medical supplies included.” Lando informed her as she and Rose pulled apart. 

“I can’t thank you enough Lando, really.” Rey said, her voice still shaking as she tried to regain her composure. Her hand gripped tightly around Rose’s medallion, as if it would disappear if she let go even a little. 

Lando put a hand out and shook his head. “No need to thank me, kid. You’ve done quite enough already. The least I can do is make sure you have enough supplies to find somewhere safe for the two of you.”

She nodded to him, still immensely grateful for his help. 

He gave her a small smile. “I wish you the best of luck out there.” 

“Where will you go?” She asked him. 

He shrugged. “Somewhere away. I came out of my, let’s call it retirement, because Leia needed me. But I’m too old for all this.” He gestured around. “I plan on finding a nice slice of peace somewhere.” 

The corner of her mouth turned up into an understanding half smile. _A nice slice of peace sounds good to me._ “Then I wish you luck as well.”

Lando nodded, turning to leave. He paused, turning his head back to look at her. “May the force be with you.” 

A tear slipped from her eye. “May the force be with you.” 

After Lando had disappeared from view Rose turned to her, her eyebrow cocked. “So, what _did_ happen between the two of you?” 

Rey felt the warmth rise into her cheeks. _Where to even begin._ She rubbed the back of her neck, she had never told anyone about their bond. She still hadn’t even mentioned it to Lando or Chewie. It seemed so... _personal_. 

“Um, well…” 

Rose shook her head. “It’s ok if you don’t wanna tell me. I don’t want to force you into talking about it if you’re not ready. I was just curious. His turn to the good side seems rather sudden.” 

_Not as sudden as you would think._ Her mind began flashing through all the force bond moments they had shared over the past year. Both trying to get the other to come to their side, arguing over it. “He’s not really who everyone thinks he is.” She paused. “There’s so much more to him.”

Rose raised her eyebrows and a smug grin spread over her face. “I bet.” 

The warmth that had risen into her cheek was now spreading to the rest of her face and down her chest. “That is _not_ what I meant.” 

Rose put her hands up. “I didn’t say anything!” 

“You didn’t have you, your face said it all.” 

Rose snorted. “Rey, you’re the one that took it that way. I smiled like that because…” She hesitated, seeming to ponder how to explain herself. “Rey, I just, I can tell how much you care about him.” 

_Oh._ Now, Rey understood. She knew what she was saying. Rather, trying to express it without saying it. 

“Oh, um, yeah...”

Rose laughed at her. “Rey, it’s ok. We don’t really get to control who becomes important to us. I’m not judging you. I’m...happy for you, actually. You deserve someone who will take care of you, you’ve been so busy taking care of everyone else.”

She gave Rose a nod, her mind began to wander elsewhere. 

Finn and Poe must not have explained everything to Rose. Must not have explained that she had died and Ben brought her back. Or maybe that’s why she was saying it, why she thought he would take care of her. 

The memory of him holding her as he pulled her back from oblivion was still fresh in her mind. Along with everything that happened after. Rey pulled at their bond again, she couldn’t help it. 

**_Are you alright?_ **

His voice seemed to soothe her chaotic thoughts as she felt relief from those memories the moment he spoke. 

_I’m fine, I just...I just wanted to check on you. How you were doing._

Rey knew that wasn’t exactly true, she just wanted to reassure herself of his presence. Yet, she couldn’t bring herself to say that to him. Not just yet. 

**_Well, Chewie hasn’t tried to kill me yet._ **

_Did you guys talk?_

There was a long pause before he said anything. **_Yes._ **

_Not something you wanna talk about?_

**_Not really. Not now._ **

She nodded even though she knew he couldn’t see her. _I understand._

  
Rey was content with the fact it seemed they had at least had a conversation. She could tell he was affected by it. She’d have to ask him again later. 

_We should be leaving soon._ She thought to him, thinking it might give him some relief.

**_It’s alright Rey, take your time. Don’t rush through this because you want to protect me._ **

Rey groaned and Rose raised an eyebrow at her. _Whoops._ She gave Rose a sheepish smile. “Sorry, I was just thinking about something.” 

Rose nodded, before returning to examining a panel on the Falcon. She hadn’t even noticed Rose had left her side, let alone that she had started inspecting the Falcon. 

Rey shook her head, bringing her focus back to Ben. It was almost frustrating how kind he was being. Telling her to take her time even though she could feel how uncomfortable he was here. Nothing like how he felt when they were alone. 

_We’ll be done soon._

**_Rey-_ **

_I’m not rushing, I promise._

Sometimes she couldn’t understand how he could simultaneously comfort and annoy her. Maybe it was the fact that she wasn’t used to being taken care of, as Rose suggested. Maybe it was because he seemed to worry _too much_ about her. But she could hardly blame him, he had just resurrected her. She shook her head again. 

_What a mess this all is._

Her eye caught on Poe as he approached, he was alone. “Hey, Rey.” 

“Finn doesn’t even want to see me, does he?”

Poe sighed. “He...He’s just...I don’t think he can put aside his anger.” 

“Yeah, he seemed unable to control himself in the slightest.” 

“I don’t think he meant to throw you.”

She crossed her arms, gripping her biceps. Pressing Rose’s medallion into her arm. “I know he didn’t.” 

“Look, I get why he’s angry. I’m not exactly happy about this whole thing. But, Leia. She always wanted him to come home, despite everything. If she were still alive, I know she would fight for his second chance. So, for her sake, and yours, I can put it all aside for the time being. Not that I’m going to be overly nice to him or anything. But Finn, he didn’t know Leia like I did.”

“He could put some faith in me.” She snapped. She hadn’t meant for it to come out sounding so harsh. “I’m sorry.” She shook her head, reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose before returning it to her biscep. “Just after everything we’ve been through, he could at least _try_ to trust me.”

Poe pulled her into a hug. “I tried talking to him. I’ll keep trying. Maybe, in time, he could try to give him a chance. I just...don’t really see that happening anytime soon.” 

She sighed into his shoulder. “Yeah, I don’t either.” She pulled back from him, giving him the best smile she could force across her lips. The image of Finn’s furious face lingering in her mind. 

Poe rubbed the back of his neck, turning to look around. 

She hated feeling the tension between them now. Rey bumped her shoulder against his. “Thank you for trying. I’m grateful. Especially since you seem willing to believe me, even if it is because of Leia.” 

Poe shrugged. “I don’t really know Ren-um, _Ben_. I’ve only seen a little bit of him as Ren. Not the most pleasant experience.” 

She sighed heavily and he gripped her arms leaning into her face. 

“But, hey, the guy in there? It didn’t really seem like the same person I met in that interrogation room. The fact that he tried to make a joke was enough to convince me something major had changed. Ren? He didn’t really seem like the joking type.”

She shook her head in agreement. She knew what he meant. He had always been so serious, even when they talked on Ahch-To. Ben had never smiled or laughed. He hadn’t really emoted much at all. She could only see Ben in little flickers behind his eyes or hear it in the gentleness in which he began to speak to her. Just little bits peaking through. 

The air caught in her chest when she thought about his smile. It was so breathtakingly beautiful. His genuine and happy _full_ smile. She had seen it twice now. Both times had stolen the breath from her lungs. Even just the thought of it, despite everything that was going on, was bringing a grin to her own lips. She wanted to see more of that. His happiness. 

_Happiness looks so good on him._

“Alright well, the Falcon looks to be in decent shape.” Rose said as she approached. “There’s some minor external damage but nothing that should keep her from flying right.” 

Rey bobbed her head. “Thank you, Rose. For everything.”  
  


Rose gave her a smile and a small nod. 

She hesitated. Rey knew it was time. Yet, she couldn’t seem to make her feet move. “I guess I need to get going.” She said to them. 

Rose and Poe nodded. Each taking their turns giving her a goodbye hug. Tears trailed down her face for the hundredth time today.

“I left a comlink in the cockpit for you, so you can contact me if you ever need to.” Rose whispered into her ear as they embraced. 

“Thank you.” Rey pulled back and took in a deep death. 

Before she lingered any longer, she forced her body to walk over and pick up the two boxes she had placed there earlier. She placed Rose’s medallion gently inside the box, ensuring it was in a safe spot. Rey could feel their eyes on her back she walked up the ramp onto the Falcon. 

Placing the boxes down, she turned around and waved to them. 

They waved back. 

She wanted to say the words. She wanted to tell them goodbye. She couldn’t seem to push the words from her lips. 

Turning around, Chewie was standing behind her. It nearly made her jump out a mile. 

“Oh, Chewie...hi.” She stuttered, placing her hand on the wall of the Falcon so ensure she didn’t fall over. 

He let out a few small growls and pulled her into a bone crushing hug. 

“I’ll miss you to.” She squeaked out. “We will take care of the Falcon, don’t worry.”

After Chewie released her, he exited the Falcon. 

She pressed the button to pull the ramp up. She watched as it closed. The silence after it finished closing began making her ears ring. The emotions she was feeling nearly swallowing her whole. 

**_Rey._ **

The sound of his voice in her head snapped her out of her trance. 

_Sorry, I’ll be over to you in a minute. I just have to set the course._

**_Good. There’s something I want to try._ **

_What?_

**_You’ll see._ **

She meandered over to the cockpit. She plotted the course to Ahch-To as she piloted the Falcon off world. After the course was set, she made her way to Ben.

“Come here.” He said as she entered the room. 

She walked over and he held out his hands, asking for hers. 

She cocked an eyebrow at him but placed her hands inside his. 

  
Ben brought her hands to his chest, placing them gently over his broken ribs.

“Ben, I know you want to get off this bed but I can’t heal you right now. I-”

He hushed her by lifting his hand slightly off of hers and lifting his index finger up. He placed his hand right back over hers and closed his eyes. 

Rey tilted her head at him. _Has the stress from today popped a blood vessel in his head?_

He opened his eyes and shook his head. Ben moved her hands to the side for a moment as he pulled up his shirt just enough to reveal his bottom ribs. He grabbed her hands and placed them softly against his exposed skin. 

A shiver went down her spine when their skin connected, her cool fingertips meeting the warmth of his skin. She could feel the blush creep up her cheeks. She wrinkled her nose in frustration at herself. _I don’t think I’ve blushed as much in my entire life as I have in the past few hours. How does he do that so easily?_

Ben closed his eyes again, not saying a word. Seeming to focus on something. 

She stared at him, unsure of what to do or say. She was, however, acutely aware of every part of his skin her fingers were touching. 

She tried to bring her focus up. She began admiring the way the light bouncing off the angles of his face emphasized his sharp jawline. The light also seemed to highlight little hints of brown she’d never noticed in his dark locks. 

Finally, he let a small smile across his lips. “I think I’ve figured it out.” 

As his eyes opened she met his gaze. “Figured what out?” 

“You’re healing me.” 

Rey looked at him like he had a hole in his head. “Ben, I’m not healing you. I don’t have the strength right now.”

He gave a small chuckle. “I know. Use the bond. Reach out. You can feel my body is healing.” 

She tilted her head and closed her eyes. Reaching out as he suggested. 

She could, in fact, actually feel his body being healed. Slowly, very slowly, much slower than if she were actively trying to heal him. But healing, nonetheless. She felt that his ribs and femur weren’t fully broken any longer. They were fractured but the bones had come together and started to heal. 

Opening her eyes, the corner of her mouth turned up as she furrowed her eyebrows. “How is that happening?”

For the first time, Rey actually swore she saw _him_ blushing. A slight tint of red gracing his cheek bones. He let go of her hands. “Um,” he cleared his throat. “I think it’s the bond.” 

“Our bond is healing you all by itself?” She asked. 

He remained silent for a moment, pondering what to say. 

Glancing down at her hands, she realized what he meant. “Oh.” 

She also realized at that moment that he wasn’t holding her hands against him any longer, she had just been letting them sit on his bare chest. 

Rey pulled her hands up, the blush she already wore spreading. Rey pushed some of the hair that had come loose from her buns behind her ear and then crossed her arms. 

He raised an eyebrow at her. 

She met his eyes, wondering what he was thinking. Wishing he would let her see. She took a seat on the bed next to him. 

“So, if we’re touching… it heals you?” 

He let what she could only describe as a sheepish half smile take over his face. “That’s how it appears.” 

She nodded, her eyes beginning to wander around the room. The awkwardness of the moment lingering between them. 

Rey couldn’t figure out how she should feel in moments like this. They seemed to be able to kiss easily in some moments but other intimate moments made them both feel awkward or unsure. 

_Neither of us know what we’re doing._ She concluded. 

**_You should go get some rest._ ** He said through the bond, finally breaking the silence between them. **_I’ll be fine._ **

She met his eyes. _You need rest to._

**_Not as if I can really do anything else right now._ **

She couldn’t help the little pang of guilt that shot through her. Knowing, now, that if they simply touched she could be healing his injuries. 

He must have felt it. He shook his head at her. **_Rey, it’s alright. I was just curious as to why I felt better. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable._ **

She sighed, it seemed as if he was afraid. Afraid of what, she couldn’t tell. His mind hiding his thoughts. 

She thought about how ridiculous it was. Why _aren’t_ they touching now? They had been holding hands, kissing, touching before this, so why, at this moment, did they seem afraid to? As if she couldn’t, as if he wouldn’t want her to. 

_No, I understand. It’s not that._

She couldn’t tell him what it was. She couldn’t figure out what to even say. She hated this awkward feeling between them. Frustrated with herself, she stood, keeping her arms crossed and began pacing back and forth in front of him. 

**_Rey, you should just go rest._ **

She didn’t want to. Slowly, she realized _why_ she didn’t want to. The thought of laying alone, trying to sleep while her mind was racing made her sick to her stomach. 

Rey didn’t want to _be alone_. She felt so vulnerable. As if someone had just peeled off her skin. 

That was it, she realized. It all was finally hitting her. Everything that had been her life last year was over. The war was over. Palpatine was dead. Ben had turned. Now, on top of it, she had left her home of the last year. She had left her friends. All she _had_ was _him_. 

She _chose him_ over everyone, everything. And he chose her over everything. He chose her _over his own life_. 

She knew she shouldn’t be afraid to embrace their closeness, she knew it was there. Building since their first force bond. She knew he felt it too. 

Yet, she had never experienced this feeling before. Caring so entirely about someone. It scared her. Her thoughts drifted back to her desperation for him to come back to her after he had died. How alone she had felt. That she knew no one else would ever know her like he did. That she almost let herself die just to be with him again. 

She stopped pacing and met his gaze. She swallowed hard, trying to work up the courage to say the words. 

_I don’t want to go and rest._

**_You probably need it._ **

_I don’t want to. I..._ She halted, chewing the inside of her mouth. 

He didn’t say anything else, just waited for her. Giving her more patience than she thought any reasonable person would give. 

She was a mess and she knew it. She was sure he could _see_ it. So much had changed. She was trying to adjust. Trying to figure out _how_ to adjust. How to handle their relationship now that they were together. She should have realized it wouldn’t be easy. Nothing ever is. 

It had all been so straight forward to this point. Stop Palpatine. Save Ben. Get Ben off Exegol. Tend to his wounds. Try to get everyone to understand. 

The current situation was always taking priority in her mind over the last few hours. Now, she was alone with him, heading for the unknown future. Leaving her mind to wonder _what_ it is their future might be, all it might entail. 

She bit her lip. _We need to figure this out together._ She thought to herself, finally getting her scattered mind to come to a conclusion. 

She pushed the words to him. _Is it ok if I rest here with you?_

Ben blinked, taking a moment to process. He nodded. **_Of course. I can move- well, you can help me move to the chair so you can rest here._ **

She shook her head. _I want you to be able to rest to. It’s going to take a while to get to Ahch-To._

He cocked an eyebrow at her. **_You want to lay next to me?_ **

The question made her muscles tense. _That is what I’m saying, isn’t it?_ She thought to herself, realizing the implication. 

She wanted to feel _safe._ Grounded. Reassurance she wasn’t going to go into this unknown future alone. She wanted out of her worried thoughts. 

When she thought about it, laying next to him sounded nice. 

She stepped back to the bed, examining it. Unsure if they would even both fit on it. 

_Lay down. I want to make sure there’s room and I don’t want to accidentally hurt your injuries._

He looked taken aback by her sudden assertiveness. She was surprised by it herself. But he complied. Slowly wiggling down so his back laid flat, gritting his teeth a little when the pain of his injuries flared. He scooted over as much as he could. There was enough room for her, barely.

She dropped her crossed arms, shaking them out a little, hoping to rid herself of her nerves. Yet, as she climbed in next to him, her heart began beating faster. 

Rey laid her head down so it was even with where his was laying. She left a small gap between their bodies. She was facing him, her left hand placed under her head, as he lay on his back next to her. 

As the silence engulfed them, she was reminded of how she had laid down next to him on Exegol. How content she had been with the simple fact he was breathing again. She could still smell the scent of ash on him.

His right arm was bent, his hand and forearm resting across his upper ribs. They were so close now, she could see some of the curve from his muscled arm pressed up against his sleeve.

She studied the side of his face, his eyes were focused on the ceiling. His hair had fallen completely away from his face. His eyelashes were surprisingly long, she watched as they brushed up against his eyebrows when he looked up. 

Her eyes traced down his cheek bone, it seemed to come down at an angle in line with his jaw, complementing his prominent nose. The lights flickering around them seem to cause the shadows to dance along the lines of his face, highlighting a different part every few seconds. 

Rey had never truly realized how _handsome_ he was. He was striking, even just laying here. She felt as if she could stare at him forever. 

The corner of Ben’s mouth twitched up, he tried to hide it but it was too late. She knew he must have heard her thoughts. She squinted her eyes shut, willing herself to stop blushing for once today. 

She slowly opened her eyes to find he was now staring at her, his head turned. Their eyes locked and the world around them seemed to fade. As if their force bond was trying to connect them, despite the fact they were already next to each other. 

For a moment, she melted under his gaze, feeling as if she could get lost in his eyes and never be heard from again. The force was humming around them. 

She didn’t say anything, just pushed the thought to him. 

He gave her a warm, gentle smile that made goosebumps erupt across her skin. This was the smile _only she_ _saw._ She relished it. 

He pulled his right arm up off his chest, just as she had pictured it. He laid it down, squished between them, his forearm and upper arm connecting. The back of his hand laying against the sheet, palm open and waiting. 

She allowed a smile to slip across her lips as she pulled her right hand up off her side and laid it on top of his. Lacing her fingers between his, she felt all the tension in her body release. 

Ben let out a deep, contented sigh. She sensed he felt it to. The release of the tension that had lingered for too long between them. 

She allowed her eyes to close and her mind drifted off. 

\---------

Rey awoke to the Falcon jostling her as it entered Ahch-To’s atmosphere. She breathed in and slowly cracked her eyes open. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw Ben’s face so close, her heart pounded in her chest. 

She blinked a few times to clear her eyesight. She had momentarily forgotten they were laying next to each other. She had never slept so closely to anyone. Her eyes settled on his face, he was still asleep. 

Rey was entranced, she had never seen him look so _peaceful_. His soft breathing filled her ears. He held no tension in his face while he slept, she hadn’t realized how much it still held even after abandoning Kylo Ren. 

Their hands were still interlocked between them, still the only part of them touching. She wondered if he had healed as they slept. Reaching out through the bond, she could feel his bones had, indeed, healed a bit more. They still weren’t completely healed but it could be enough for him to walk with minimal pain. 

Truthfully, she didn’t want to move. She had never had such a peaceful sleep in her entire life. She guessed, by the look of it, neither had he. 

The force seemed pleased with them, it’s strength coursing through her every second they were still touching. 

His eyes fluttered a little as he breathed in deeply through his nose. He was awake. 

_Morning._

She smiled when she saw the corners of his mouth pull up at the sound of her voice in his head. 

**_Is it morning?_ **

She shrugged. _I have no idea what time it is here. But we slept and woke up, so I’ll call it morning._

“Makes sense.” he said aloud. The chuckle he let out sent a shiver down her spine. She could tell his voice was still thick with sleep, his normal husky tone accompanied by a raspy undertone.

His eyes remained closed as he continued. “I can’t remember the last time I actually slept well.” He muttered. 

“I can’t either.” She remarked back. 

“Still been having nightmares?” 

She huffed, she didn’t want to think about that now. “Yes.” She said tersely. 

He just nodded his head. “I guess you need to land this thing.” 

“Mhm.” 

They must’ve been hovering in the air for at least a couple of minutes by that time. 

He sighed, pulling her hand up to his lips. He placed a gentle kiss to the back of her hand then released it and pushed himself up. 

Her skin seemed to scream at the sudden lack of contact between them. 

She exhaled and pushed herself up, following his lead. After reaching her hands above her head and stretching, she forced herself to stand. 

Rey seemed to be in a haze as she made her way to the cockpit. Sleep clung to her eyes and she had to rubbed them to wake herself up enough to pilot the Falcon down. 

After she landed, a burst of excitement shot through her, waking her up a bit more. She had liked it here before. She liked to hear the crack of waves breaking against the cliffside. It was a peaceful place, she understood why Luke had picked it. Other than it being the site of the first Jedi temple. 

She made her way back to Ben, when she entered he was already halfway to his feet. He was sitting upright at the edge of the bed. 

“Feeling better, I see.” She said as she leaned on the doorframe.

“Because of you.”

She felt a familiar flush invade her cheeks, she swore it must now permanently reside on her face. She cleared her throat. “Well, I’m glad. Why don’t we get some fresh air then, yeah?” 

Ben nodded his head vigorously. “Yes, if I stay in this room any longer I may go mad.” 

Rey chuckled and walked over, allowing him to wrap one arm around her shoulders. Through a joint effort, he rose to his feet. 

He was easier to carry now. Some of her strength had been replenished and he was able to hold more of his own weight. They made their way down the Falcon’s ramp, it was slightly overcast outside. A light drizzle was coming down over them. 

Rey looked around as they walked forward, she realized the hut that Luke had blown apart while she was here with him had been fully repaired. 

_Hopefully, the caretakers aren’t upset I’ve come back here._

“The rain feels nice.” Ben mused. 

“Oh, right.” She looked at him. “Did you want to take a shower? I guess we both should, we’re both still filthy. But can you? With your leg?” 

Ben shrugged. “If I had something to sit on I could probably manage, my leg is much better but not healed entirely.” He paused, looking out over the vast ocean that surrounded them. “If it’s alright with you, I want to sit out here for a while first. The fresh air feels good.” 

She nodded, completely understanding. She helped him sit down on a stone bench near the edge of the cliff where she landed the Falcon. 

Taking a seat next to him, she joined him in looking out over the crashing waves. 

A few moments of silence passed between them. Both of them seemingly enjoying the light breeze blowing across their faces. 

Rey could see his mother in him like this. He sat tall, his hair being held back just slightly by the breeze, the light dancing along the edge of his nose and under his jaw. He almost looked regal. 

Leia always carried herself in a way that forced you to notice her, she had a particular presence when she entered a room. She wondered what he had been like at Leia’s side. No doubt she had taken him to formal events, she tried to picture young Ben in formal wear. The thought brought a small smile to her face. 

_I bet you were so uncomfortable, even back then._

“I can’t remember the last time I just sat down to look at the view.” He remarked, breaking the silence. 

“Well, war doesn’t leave time for much of anything else.” She said, her mind wandering back to pondering what the future held for them. She had no idea. 

“No, it doesn’t.” 

“Ben.” 

“You know, I used to hate that name,” he remarked. 

She tilted her head at him, losing her train of thought. “Why?”

He furrowed his brows. “I think I hated it because it was just another name to live up to. Ben Kenobi.” He paused, sighing before continuing on. “His real name was Obi Wan. He was another legendary Jedi. From what I understand now, he was best friends with my grandfather.” 

She watched his eyes carefully, looking for any hint of lingering anger. “But you don’t hate your name anymore?” 

He let a small smile grace his lips. “No. Not anymore.”

Rey wanted to ask him what changed. Yet, she knew. She knew everything had. Not just for him but for her to. 

She hesitated, not wanting to ask him too much. He could throw up a wall between them so easily, she didn’t want this peaceful moment to end. 

As she watched him breathing in the fresh air, she realized there was still plenty she didn’t know about him. Questions began racing through her mind. A million things to ask him, all the things she’s wanted to ask him in different moments. 

There was _so much_ she wanted to ask him. Little things, big things. She wanted to know everything about Ben Solo. The man who risked everything for her. The person she risked everything for in return. 

She took in a deep breath, forcing her mind to slow. To hold off on her curiosities for the moment. She turned her eyes to trace over the horizon's edge. A wide smile formed across her lips as she realized it. She wasn’t sure what the future held. But she knew one thing. 

For now, for once, time was on their side.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> I will start work on chapter 4 right away, like I said, it may stay in Rey's P.O.V the whole time or switch between them. 
> 
> I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter :)
> 
> Good for you if you caught the reference to Anakin and Padmé ;)


	4. Heavy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all are ready for some angst. This chapter is also split between their perspectives.  
> I'm sorry this one took me longer, college work picking up so they may take some extra time to come out.  
> It might be a bit messier than my previous chapters, if so I apologize.  
> I hope everyone still enjoys!

***Rey’s P.O.V***

“I hope everything fits, I think they just guessed at what would fit you.” She called from the other side of the door. She only heard some muffled grunting in reply. 

Rey twirled the ends of her hair around her fingers, squeezing some of the water from them. The shower had felt nice on her aching body. Especially since she had insisted on using some of her regained strength to finish healing Ben’s leg so he could shower with ease. His ribs were mostly healed already. While he protested, she simply leaned over and healed him anyway. Much to his annoyance. 

She had forgotten how strong the force was here. It hadn’t even taken as much energy to finish healing his leg as she thought it would because of how strong the connection was. It had reassured her, somewhat, that she had made the right choice in picking Ahch-To as their place of refuge. 

While he showered, she had found some new clothes to put on. Rey left her hair down, she hadn’t realized how long it had gotten, coming down a couple inches below her shoulders. She had rewrapped her breasts and pulled on a black undershirt. She had also pulled on a grey shawl that covered her shoulders and came down her sides. Her pants were tan and stopped just above her ankle and she wore grey ankle boots.

As she waited for him to get redressed, her stomach rumbled. She wandered back over to the crates, she had already found the one full of clothes and the other filled with medicine. She opened a few more until she found one filled with ration packs. Ones the pilots always had in their cockpits in case they became stranded. 

There were multiple types with different meats and other food inside. She took two form the top, one was bantha and the other nerf. She shrugged to herself and made her way back towards the table. 

She stopped in her tracks as Ben rounded the corner, they nearly bumped into one another. Her jaw dropped a little as she looked at him. He was wearing a white, long sleeved top, black pants, and some black combat boots that came up to his knees. 

_Wow, he looks good in white._

Rey stared up at him. She has never seen him in anything besides black the entire time she’d known him. The white was a stark contrast to his raven locks and dark eyes. It seemed to bring out little flecks of gold in the deep brown of his eyes. His hair seemed to sparkle as the remaining water droplets caught the light. She hadn’t seen him stand up straight in hours, she had almost forgotten he was nearly an entire foot taller than her. 

Ben cleared his throat and looked towards the table, trying to hide the blush she saw forming on his cheeks from her gaze. 

“So, lunch then?” he asked. 

She attempted to hide the smirk that was forming on her own lips by nodding and immediately taking her seat. There was a part of her that truly enjoyed when _she_ made _him_ blush.

Rey handed him one of the packs as he sat down across from her. 

After opening the case, she grabbed the sandwich out of the middle and took a bite. She hadn’t realized how hungry she was until she had the food in her mouth. 

She looked up and nearly choked when she saw his face. Rey started coughing, trying to finish swallowing while choking back the laughter. 

Ben had taken a bite of his sandwich. His nose scrunched up and his lip had curled back, his eyebrows furrowed. She put her sandwich down after she finished swallowing and chuckled. 

“You don’t like bantha meat, do you?” 

“I...didn’t say that.” He said, placing the sandwich back down. 

“You didn’t have to, trust me.” She chuckled again. “Here, switch with me, I don’t mind.” She pushed her kit over to him as she reached across and took his. 

He stared at her for a moment before reaching down and picking up the nerf sandwich. He took a bite and seemed satisfied with the taste.

“Thank you.” He muttered. 

She smiled and nodded, picking up the bantha sandwich and taking a bite. 

A few moments of silence passed as they ate. Her mind wandering to questions she could ask him without upsetting the pleasant mood. 

“What’s your favorite color?” She asked. 

He looked up at her, cocking an eyebrow. “What?”

“What’s your favorite color?” 

He tilted his head to the side, seeming to ponder the question. 

_He doesn’t have one?_ The thought sadden her a little. 

“I guess I never really thought about it.” He finally responded. “Maybe blue. I’ve always liked the sea.”

“Blue is a nice color.” Part of her had expected him to say red or black. She was happy he didn’t. 

“I take it you have one.” 

She nodded. “Green. It’s beautiful. When I first left Jakku, I hadn’t known there was so much green in the entire galaxy.” She paused, pulling her mouth to the right. “I guess that was naive of me but I had just never really given any thought about what was outside Jakku. When I first saw the forest, I loved it, it was so… alive.” 

“Sounds like you.” He nods. “Beautiful and lively.” He smiled at her before taking another bite.

She couldn’t stop the blush that came. She pursed her lips before taking another bit of her sandwich. 

_It’s almost annoying how easily he does that._

Silence falls between them again. Her eyes wandered around the Falcon as they ate. Her eyes settled on Luke and Leia’s sabers sitting on the table across the way. Something clicked in her head. 

“Ben.” 

“Hm.” 

“What happened to your lightsaber?” 

As she turned to look at him, he was frozen. 

Rey furrowed her eyebrows. _What could have happened?_

Ben sighed, taking the last bite of his sandwich before answering. “I threw it in the ocean on Kef Bir.”

Rey snorted. “You did what? Why?” 

A sadness fell over his eyes. “After you left me there. I…” He cleared his throat. “I saw my dad.” 

Rey’s mouth gaped open. _Did he actually just say ‘my dad’?_ She had to force her brain to refocus on the bigger topic. 

  
“Wait, you saw Han?”

He nodded, taking a piece of a the cut up almakian apple and popping it into his mouth. He kept his eyes focused there, on the kit, not looking at her. 

  
She hesitated to press further but her curiosity was peaked. “Han wasn't force sensitive, was he? How was he...there?” 

“I…” He paused, she could sense his pain at the memory through the bond. “I have no idea how he was there. Or if it was even real. It felt like he was there.” 

“What did he say?” 

Ben let out a deep sigh. She could tell he didn’t want to answer. But for her, he did. “He told me to come home.” 

She waited for him to continue but he didn’t say anything else, just took another apple slice from the kit and ate it. She tried to enter his mind but he had completely shut her out of it. Though she could still feel the mixture of emotions radiating off him. 

Rey hated it when he did this. Hid away his feelings for one reason or the other. She tried to tell herself it was going to take him time to work through things. She knew he trusted her and she knew they didn’t have to share every thought. Yet, this seemed too important not to address. 

She opened her mouth to speak but she paused, slowly coming to realization. 

_He killed him with that saber._

“Ben.” As he took another slice, he still didn’t meet her gaze. “Ben. Look at me.” 

He reluctantly lifted his eyes to hers.

“You can talk to me about your father, Ben.”

“If I had anything to say I would.” He leaned forward, placing his elbows on the table. He reached in and picked up another piece of apple. 

  
“No, you wouldn’t. That’s the problem.” 

“And how do you know that I wouldn’t?” He questioned, his voice slightly raised. 

“Because the last time I asked you about your father, while I was here the first time, you avoided the question.” She shot back. “You couldn’t even _look_ at me when you said you had flown the Falcon to Exegol.” She leaned back in her seat, crossing her arms as she did so. 

“It’s not something I really _want_ to talk about, Rey.” He spoke in a deathly calm tone that sent a shiver down her spine. He sounded too much like his old self. 

“Even now? After you just told me you spoke to him. You won’t talk to me about it?” 

“What do you want me to say, Rey?” She could sense his irritation with her through the bond. 

Rey rolled her eyes. _Not like you’ve never pushed me before._ “I just want to know how you’re doing, is that so wrong?”

He paused for a moment, his face softened slightly. “No, it’s not wrong.”

“Then why don’t you want to talk to me about your father?” 

“Because it _hurts_ , Rey. Is that what you want to hear? It hurts. Every time I remember him, it _hurts_.” He squeezed his hands into fists. She doesn’t even think he notices. “And I know it hurts you too. I sensed the emotions that went through you when I mentioned it before.”

When she thought about Han, it did hurt. To relive the memory of Kylo Ren killing him. She didn’t like remembering Ben being so lost. 

“So, maybe it is a touchy subject. But I want you to be able to talk to me about this. About anything. You’re not alone, Ben.” She said, silently pleading for him to accept it. 

The words seemed to give him pause. Ben stared at her for a moment before replying. 

“Neither are you.” 

His voice was just as quiet as it had been that night in the hut. 

She felt through the bond the wall he was putting up beginning to crack. Rey was sure she could get him to let her in, she just had to remind him that he was cared for. 

“But I would rather not cause you more pain than I already have.” He continued. 

“Ugh-” She stood, her own irritation becoming too much to just sit still. She stepped out in front of the table. 

_Here we are again. He’s trying to protect me without a thought of himself or consideration of asking me. Why do you always have to make assumptions?_

“Ben. I do not need to be protected from _everything_. I can handle myself, if you haven't noticed. What I do need is for you to be able to open up to me. If something gets to be too much, I would tell you.” 

His eyes followed her as she began to pace back and forth in front of him. “Believe me, I am well aware you can handle yourself. But shouldering my burdens is not something you should have to do.” 

She whipped around to him. “ _Ben._ ” She sighed heavily. “I want to be there for you. I want to help you with all this. It’s not a burden.” She strode over to him, stopping inches from his face. He had to tilt his head up slightly, as she was barely taller than him while sitting. She made sure his eyes were on hers before finishing. “You are _not_ a burden.”

She watched as his face changed, allowing some of the barrier that he had put up to crumble. He looked so lost. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and hugged him to her chest. Rey felt his arms snake around her waist and pulled her closer. She took one hand from around his neck and allowed her fingers to tangle in his hair. 

_Maybe start small._ She thought to him. _Tell me one thing. Something to do with your father. Doesn’t have to be about your talk._

He was silent for a long time. So long she thought he wasn’t going to say anything. 

But, eventually he did. 

**_When I was young, I told everyone I wanted to be a pilot just like him._ **

She allowed a wide smile to spread across her lips. The image of little Ben running around telling everyone who would listen he was going to be a pilot clear in her mind, as if she had been there to see it. 

_That’s so sweet._

He huffed in reply, causing her to chuckle. She thought about something small in return she could share with him. 

_You know, I used to take pieces of scrap from old ships while I was scavenging for other things. I made sure they were big enough to sit on because I would take them to sand hills and use them to ride down._

She felt him smile against her chest. 

**_I bet that would have been adorable to see._ **

  
A moment passed between them. Her fingers playing with the damp ends of his hair between her fingers. It gave her a strange sense of comfort, running her fingers all throughout his dark curls. She loved to play with it. She was glad he let her, even seemed to enjoy it. 

“Thank you.” She whispered.

“For?” he mumbled against her. 

“Trying. Even though I know it’s hard.”

“For you, anything.” 

She felt her cheeks flush, the warmth seeming to spread throughout her entire body. She hadn’t expected him to say something so endearing. It filled her heart. 

She could feel the force energy around them whirling with approval. She also sensed his ribs were very nearly healed.  
  
  
Rey gently moved the hand that wasn’t tangled in his hair down his back. She focused on healing them the rest of the way. 

He let out a sigh against her. “You didn’t have to do that.” 

“I wanted to.” She leaned down and kissed the top of his head. “How about you let me show you around the island?”

“That’d be nice.” he murmured. 

She chuckled and pulled back. She let her hands trace down his arms and grasp onto his hands, pulling him up. 

Keeping one hand locked in hers, she led him out of the Falcon. They didn’t get far before he yanked her back. 

  
She stumbled. After regaining her footing she turned to see why he’d yanked her back. She had to stifle a laugh at the sight. Ben had almost stepped on a porg, he was looking down at it wide eyed. 

“What is that thing and why did it almost trip me?” He asked, not taking his eyes off the creature. 

She couldn’t help the silly smile that formed on her face. “Those are porgs. They’re kind of everywhere on this island. As for why he almost tripped you, they are not the brightest creatures.” 

Ben narrowed his eyes at the porg. “Why is it _staring_ at me like _that_?”

“Maybe he likes you.” 

“It’s disturbing.” 

She laughed. “Is it disturbing when I stare at you?” 

Ben’s eyes finally left the creature to meet her eyes. He closed the short distance between them and placed a short, gentle kiss on her lips. “No.” 

Rey felt the blush that had just begun to fade returning to her cheeks with full force. 

_One day. One day I will stop blushing this much._

Before she could reply, she heard a whisper in the back of her mind. Someone was calling her. She turned to look up the mountain, to where Luke often went and hid himself away. He was calling her there. 

“Um, I guess our tour is going to have to wait.”

Ben nodded. “I sensed it too. The force seems to be abnormally strong here. Go. I’ll wait for you here.” 

She nodded, squeezing his hand before turning and heading up the mountainside. 

After making it to the top, she found Luke’s ghostly form sitting cross legged on the rock in which he had given one of the few lessons he had bothered to teach her. He was looking out toward the horizon.

The sight of him brought million questions to the forefront of her mind. Everything she had thought about in the back of her mind since Exegol. She furrowed her eyebrows as she approached him. 

“Did you know?” She questioned.

“I see we’re jumping right into questions.” He remarked with a heavy sigh. 

“Did. You. Know?” She pressed. 

  
“Know what Rey?” 

“About our Dyad. When you saw us together in my hut that night, did you know why that was happening?” 

“I suspected.” 

She huffed. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

One look at his face and she knew why. 

She let out an empty chuckle. “Because you were afraid. Of course you were. Afraid I would turn, right?” 

“Rey, if the power you two share was turned to the darkside it could have destroyed everything.” 

She came and stood in front of him, crossing her arms while she did so. “You could have bothered to put some faith in me. I never wanted to turn to the darkside.” 

“Yet I watched as you were drawn to it, you didn’t even try to resist it.” 

He held up his hand to stop her before she could argue. His eyes were fixed on the horizon so she made sure to take an extra step to ensure she was right in his eyeline. 

He rolled his eyes at her. Uncrossing his legs, he pushed himself to the edge of the rock. Finally, he met her piercing gaze. 

“You are right. I was afraid then. But, you are also right that I should have told you.”

  
  
Rey was stunned into silence, her furrowed brows raised up. 

_Luke is admitting he was wrong?_

“I had forgotten one of the most important lessons any Jedi learns.” He continued. “To trust in the force.” 

She simply nodded at him, still processing his change in attitude. She hadn’t stopped to think about how different Luke seemed when she came here to exile herself. He had given her the pep talk she was in desperate need of and then she was off again. Jumping head first back into the chaos of the war. 

It seemed in death, Luke found something he had lost. A piece of himself that was missing. He had a resolve now that he lacked when they first met. Maybe, this was the man from the legends afterall. Maybe this is what he had been like before that disaster with Ben. Perhaps, she would finally get to know who Luke Skywalker truly was now, at his core. Not just the cynical recluse he had become. 

Her mind drifted to their conversation just before she left. How she had forced the truth from him and he, in turn, had insisted because of his mistake Ben was a lost cause. That she shouldn’t go, it wouldn’t go the way she thought it would. 

_Maybe he had a small point._

It didn’t go as she thought it would. Not completely. But even then, she knew there was still light in him. He just didn’t know it. He hadn’t been ready to see it then. But she knew the force had a plan for them. Rey chose to trust in it. 

In the end, she was right. Going to Ben then, while he wasn’t ready to come with her, helped guide him to his return to light. She had never been so grateful to have her faith rewarded. 

“You understand that’s why I went to him.” She started. “I knew the force had a plan for us, I sensed it. It showed me. I had to go to him. But you didn’t seem to want to listen to me then.”   
  


  
He gave her a small smile. “Destiny. It comes for us all. We cannot stop it or fight it. I should have remembered that it always finds a way of playing out. Everyone ended up where they were supposed to be. At the time, I thought I had to protect you. Protect the galaxy, even from you, if it came to that. Yet, the force seemed to have it’s own plan. It brought the two of your together for a reason, I should have recognized it then. The force always pushes towards a balance.”

Rey sat down in front of him, her mind drifting to how powerful she felt when she and Ben were close. To how the force seemed to reward them even more for touching. 

“What _does_ it mean?” She questioned. 

“Your Dyad?” 

She nodded. 

Luke shrugged. “I can’t imagine I can tell you anything more than my nephew could. There isn’t much written about Dyads. They’re mere legends in the Jedi texts. All that is known, is in the texts. Which they said if the Dyad exist, their power would be unmatched. Essentially, endless possibilities of uses since the bond is rumored to be stronger enough to span time and space. Which, I suppose is true given the chat I walked in on. The rest will be up to the two of you to figure out together.” 

The thought scared her. The idea that as long as they were together they could potentially have a devastating amount of power. That they could potentially become something no one could outmatch, unstoppable. She didn’t particularly like the idea of having that type of responsibility placed on her shoulders. Suddenly, staying on Ahch-To forever sounded like a wonderful idea. 

“Well, hopefully living here in peace will do us both some good.” She remarked. 

Luke laughed. Fully, outright laughed. She cocked her eyebrow at him. 

  
“Remember what I said about destiny?” He asked. “It will find the two of you again, Rey. Just as you found me. Wherever you go, someone who needs you, someone who is part of your destiny will find you. This peace you will find here, enjoy it. Because it most likely will not last. Especially, not with the power you possess. You were likely given it for a reason.”

Rey’s face pinched. “Is that supposed to comfort me?” 

“Comfort is not my goal. Honesty is. You should be prepared, as prepared as you can be, for whatever is to come next.” 

A thought crossed through her mind as he spoke. 

“Did you know, when you helped me defeat Palpatine that I would die doing it?” 

Luke went silent, his face changing. He looked dejected. 

“You knew. Didn’t you?” 

“We believed it was a strong possibility. You did not have much life force left in you.” He said quietly. 

Her nostrils flared. “Did you know Ben would give his life to save mine?” 

“No. We didn’t even know he possessed the ability.” 

She glared at him. “So, you all knew I would die. You all thought I would stay dead. Leaving Ben all alone.” She felt the tears forming in the corners of her eyes. 

He sighed. “Rey. I had to put my faith in the force. In destiny. I felt the force wanted us to help you bring balance. But what happened after that, was not up to me. Imagine my surprise when my nephew crawled from the pit and revived you.” 

“Then why did you help me save Ben? If you were ‘just going to let destiny take its course’.” she mocked. “Why help save him, did the force tell you to?” She pressed. 

“Leia. My father. They felt, very strongly I might add, that this _was_ destiny. He was meant to save you and you were meant to save him. They felt they were meant to help _ensure_ he lived. So, I placed my faith in them. In their faith.”

Rey snorted and stood, placing her hands on her hips. “Still no faith in your nephew, huh? Even though you might as well have placed that helmet on his head yourself when you tried to murder him. ” 

Luke reared back, shaking his head. “That’s not what I meant. Nor am I denying the part I played in pushing him down that path. I do believe there is still good in him. I believe you bring it out in him. It is if he is ever alone again I worry about.”

“He’s stronger than you give him credit for, apparently than you ever gave him credit for. Why don’t you talk to him now? Give him an explanation, an apology, something. He may not be blameless but you should be the one to take the first step, for what you did.” 

Luke looked at her with an expression she was far too used to at this point to be bothered by it. She knew he still thought she was naive. 

“Rey, I don’t believe there can be any mending between us.” 

“You could try. But it sounds like you’re _still_ just afraid.”

  
  
Luke sighed. “Maybe. Perhaps one day, I will try. I don’t think soon is a good idea. Too much salt still lingering in that wound. The rift between us, it is not a small one, Rey.” 

“I know.” She whispered. “But we all should try to mend what’s broken between us. I know you cared about him and he cared about you. You hurt each other. Hopefully, you’ll at least give talking a try.”

“One day, Rey. I will try. I promise you.” 

\---------

*** Ben’s P.O.V.***

Ben watched her ascend up the cliffside and disappear behind the rocks. His mind wondering to who it was who had called her. 

**_Was it Luke? My mother?_ **

The force was extremely potent here, Ben had been able to sense that someone had called her, just not who. He didn’t have long to ponder before a chill went down his spine. The force moving around him. 

“You know, she reminds me a lot of your grandmother.” 

Ben went slack jawed, the blood draining from his face. His breathing slowly became more shallow and his body began to shake. 

**_It can’t be._ **

“Are you going to turn about to look at me?” 

Ben swallowed hard, his heart pounded in his chest. His mind racing, unable to process. Unable to accept the reality of what was happening. 

**_Had they called Rey away on purpose? For this?_ **

Slowly forcing his body to turn, a ripple of unease shot through him. Every nerve crying out, tightening his muscles. Their eyes met the second they were face to face. 

Ben had never _seen_ him before. Never imagined he ever would, let alone see him _young_. Close to his own age. He had never even actually heard his real voice, the whispers from Palpatine masked in Vader’s helmet. But here he was. 

Anakin Skywalker. 

His grandfather was outlined in a blue light, as force ghosts usually are. Ben’s lip began to quiver, unable to comprehend the emotions racing though him at this moment. Anger. Sadness. Confusion. Fear. His stomach twisted itself into knots. 

Ben’s leg felt like jelly, as if the next time he moved he would simply topple over. So he stayed there, frozen. Staring in incredulity. 

Anakin tilted his head, his eyebrows were furrowed, his expression sullen. “You must have a lot of questions for me. You should ask them. Before they eat you up inside.” 

**_He doesn’t know half of it._ **

A familiar rage was building inside, Ben’s eye beginning to twitch. He didn’t _want this._ Didn’t want this anger to come out again. Didn’t want to slip back to who he once was. He closed his eyes, trying to steady his shaky breathing. 

After gaining enough control over himself, he opened his eyes, his mind settled on one question. 

“ _Why?_ ” Ben pushed out through clenched teeth. 

“Why what, Ben?” 

The sound of his name from Anakin’s lips felt like a knife being twisted inside. 

“Why…” Ben balled his hands into fists. Squeezing them tightly, digging his nails into his palms. Turning his eyes away from him, a huff escaped from his lips. Frustration at the situation and himself growing each passing second. “Why didn’t you _ever_ tell me it wasn’t you?”

Anakin was surprisingly calm given Ben’s obvious anger, even taking a toward Ben. “Look at me.” 

Ben felt like he was a child again. He was 10 and angry with his parents for sending him away, asking them why. His eyes traced back to his grandfather’s. 

“You need to know this. I _never_ abandoned you, Ben. I swear to you.” Anakin said. 

“I beg to differ.” Ben spat, the words flying from his mouth before he could even think to stop them.

Anakin just bobbed his head. “I know you must think that. I know _why_ you think that. I did try to reach you. I always tried to reach you. But Palpatine, he always pushed me from your mind or masked my words with his own. Everything that man did was to keep you from us. Your family. Especially from me. He wanted you _because of me_.” 

Ben reared back. His grandfather, his real grandfather, was standing here telling Ben that he tried to save him. Tried to help him. 

That, supposedly, Ben wasn’t completely abandoned like he thought he had been. 

His mind couldn’t decide if knowing this made him feel better or worse. Knowing that his grandfather fought for years to reach him and never could. Watching as Ben was increasingly isolated by the same man who set their entire family down this path. Was everything that had been his life a construction of Palpatine’s making? 

**_‘He wanted you because of me’ Is he blaming himself?_ **

Anakin seemed to grit his teeth and pulled away, reaching up to rub the side of his head. “ _Palpatine_.” 

His grandfather had spat the name out as if it was poison and began pacing back and forth. 

Ben tried to get a grip on himself, attempting to gather the thoughts he could while Anakin paced in silence. 

Two strange looking creatures came up the side pathway pushing a cart, they passed right through his grandfather's form speaking in a language Ben couldn’t identify. They seemed to point at him repeatedly while passing by, each time turning and saying something to one another. 

For a moment, Ben was pulled from the vortex of emotion, realizing he must look as though he were ill. Standing here, talking to the air, while his body was shaking and pale. 

Anakin whipped back around to face his grandson, finally seeming to find the words he wished to speak. “I _never_ stopped trying to reach you. There was a _reason_ there were moments where you felt the pull to the light stronger than others. It was the times I could break through, even momentarily. I was trying to remind you who you are, Ben. That you were _never_ meant to follow my mistakes.” 

Ben didn’t know what to do with this information. Tears were filling his eyes as his confused brain pondered what there was to even say. His feelings mixing into an uncontrollable mess he couldn’t figure out.

Should he be grateful he never gave up? Should he be angry he didn’t ever truly reach him? Is it better or worse knowing how many people fought to save him and couldn’t? Is it his fault he never noticed it? 

“I _never_ wanted you to follow my path. I never wanted you to fall under Palpatine’s influence, as I did. It pained me to watch you walk down my path. To watch history repeat itself because of _my choices_. To watch my daughter’s son be taken from her.” 

The tears were falling too quickly to stop them. Ben just stood there silently, too overwhelmed to do anything else. To say anything. Feeling as though the world was crashing in on him, making it hard to breathe. Every passing second he wondered if his legs would give out. 

**_Was anything in my life what I thought it was?_ **

Anakin sighed, turning to look out over the water, muttering under his breath. “Padmé, I wish you could help me with this.”

**_Padmé._ **

The name knocked loose a particular memory from his mind, one in which his mother had told him a story. A story of how their family had more than one royal bloodline in it. She had been the Princess of Alderaan but _her_ mother had also been royalty. 

**_Padmé Amidala. Queen and later Senator of Naboo._** **_My grandmother._**

His grandfather was begging for his grandmother's help. 

Ben had never wondered much about what his grandmother was like. His mother only had limited knowledge of Padmé from her adoptive father. The few stories they could tell were general. She survived multiple assassination plots and married his grandfather in secret. She was strong willed and beautiful. There had even been a story of her fighting alongside Anakin in a battle during the clone wars. 

Thinking about it now, piecing all the stories together, Ben would have loved to have gotten to know her. Anakin’s first words to him were that Rey reminded his grandfather of his grandmother. If she was anything like Rey, he understood why Anakin fell in love with her. 

His grandfather’s voice broke Ben from his thoughts.  
  


“Look, Ben,” Anakin began. “Your mother had the same questions for me. Asking me why I didn't help you. I told her everything I told you. She said it was something you needed to hear. That I needed to tell you, now that I could finally reach you. Was she wrong?” 

Ben breathed in through his nose and held it. His mind quickly being overrun once again with everything his grandfather had told him. That he had never been truly alone, that Palpatine was controlling everything from the start. His brain trying desperately to process everything, to find something to say. 

His mother had asked his grandfather to speak to him. 

**_Sounds like mom._ **He could already hear her stern voice insisting on it. Telling her father he needed to step up. 

As he released the breath, he allowed his fingers to roll out from his palms. Some blood dripped down as a few of his nails had broken the skin without him even noticing. A deep sadness began taking hold of his heart. 

“I think...she was right.” he murmured. 

It was something he needed to hear. Ben knew it. His mother was right, as she often was. Even as it all of this seemed to be breaking him, under it all, part of him was glad to know his family cared after all. It made his heart ache, he wished he had known. Wished he could have felt it then. 

He wished it all _didn’t hurt so much_. 

Anakin cleared his throat. “Then, there’s probably something else you should know. Something that you should have been told.” 

Ben couldn’t possibly imagine what else there could be. 

“Your uncle. Luke. He saved me.” 

Ben furrowed his brow, his confusion snapping him out of his thoughts. “What? What do you mean he saved you? He killed you, didn’t he?” 

His grandfather sighed. “Not exactly.” 

Now Ben was really lost. Did he _still_ not know the entire story? 

Anakin stepped forward, raising a hand and placing it on the side of Ben’s head. He couldn’t feel Anakin’s hand placed there, yet his hand had stopped as if it had actually made contact with his face.

Ben felt a jolt of force energy fly through him and he wasn’t on Ahch-To anymore. He wasn’t sure where he was. 

Taking a look around, his eyes landed on his grandfather in his suit and mask and laying on the ramp of a ship with a young man hovering above him. The young man wore all black and had a lightsaber attached to his belt, his back was to Ben. 

The man pulled Vader to a sitting position. 

_“Luke, help me….take this mask off.” He said._

**_Luke?_** Ben’s eyes widened. 

_“But you’ll die.” Luke protested._

_“Nothing….can stop that now.” Vader replied. “Just for once...let me look on you with my own eyes…”_

Luke nodded, leaning over and taking the top of the mask off first. After taking off the the front mask, it revealed Anakin’s face.

His grandfather was burned beyond recognition, his skin pale white, hair gone, and his face scarred. Despite it all, he smiled up at Luke. 

_“Now, go, my son….leave me.” Anakin told him._

_“No, you’re coming with me.” Luke insisted. “I will not leave you here, I’ve got to save you.”_

_“You already have...Luke.” Anakin reassured him. “You were right. You were right about me. Tell your sister, you were right.”_

_Anakin breathed out his last breath._

_“Father…” Luke whispered. “I won’t leave you.”_

_  
_Anakin fell back, already gone.

Luke had let a few tears fall as he stared down at him. He bowed his head. 

Ben gasped as he flashed back to the present. Stumbling back as if someone had punched him. He shakily lowered himself to a seat on the step. His mind back to racing a million miles a second. 

Anakin stood before him wearing a solemn smile. “Luke fought well.” He began. “He did, in the end, beat me in a fight. But he refused to kill me.” 

Ben was breathing heavily, trying desperately to return his brain to some kind of order. He turned his wide eyes to Anakin.

  
His grandfather continued. “Luke told me after all the time that had passed, Anakin Skywalker was still inside me. The man who was his father was still inside me.” Anakin shook his head. “I fought him, nearly till my last breath, that he was wrong. That the things I had done, the mistakes I made. They ensured the man I was had been gone a long time.” 

Anakin’s words seemed to strike a chord with him. Before he had met Rey, he was sure there was nothing left of Ben Solo. There was only one path left for him and he was on it. Ready to be the monster everyone seemed to think he was. 

Anakin looked back out to the sea. “Yet, when Palpatine tried to kill Luke because he refused to turn to the darkside, I had to stop him. Something inside me, something I hadn’t felt in a long time came back to life. I hadn’t felt it since Padmé died.”

After rubbing the side of his face, Anakin met Ben’s gaze again. 

“In the end, Luke was right. There was enough left of me to do one good thing with my life. Save my son. And my daughter. Sound familiar?” 

Ben knew what he meant. Saving Rey’s life with his own. But that wasn’t what was pressing on his mind. 

“Luke brought Darth Vader back to the light?” 

His grandfather nodded. 

The image of Luke standing over him with a lightsaber flashed before his eyes. It didn’t make any sense to him.

“But...then why did he try to kill me? If he saved you, of all people, why did he…” 

Anakin let out an exasperated sigh. “Yeah, well, it would seem along with my anger, impulsiveness is hereditary in this family.” 

Before Ben could speak, Anakin’s head snapped to the side. 

“Be quiet, Obi Wan.” he stated. 

Ben looked around. **_Obi Wan? Obi Wan Kenobi? He’s here too?_ **

“Look, grandson. That’s a conversation for the two of you to have. I can’t speak for Luke. But…” He paused. Then proceeded to roll his eyes, likely at something Ben couldn’t hear. Anakin seemed to turn and glare at the air. “Let’s just say it wouldn’t be the only time in this family we saw a vision we ended up bringing to life.” 

“A vision?” 

“Oh for....” Anakin pinched the bridge of his nose and huffed. “This family is an unbelievable mess.” He grunted in annoyance. “ _Yes_ , I am _well_ aware of that, Obi Wan.” 

“Uh…What is…?” Ben tried to question what was happening but his brain was still struggling to keep up.

“Your _namesake_ is fond of reminding me of the fact the mess I made of my life led to all this. That it all could have been avoided if I _listened more_.” Anakin seethed. 

Ben just nodded, still not quite understanding what was happening. 

Anakin rolled his eyes and did a motion that looked an awful lot like he was shrugging someone's hand from his shoulder. “Obi Wan, I will speak to my grandson in the way I believe is best.” 

Silence hung between them for a moment, Anakin seeming now involved in a conversation Ben could only here part of. 

“Should I be offended that you still feel the need to instruct me on life matters?” Anakin questioned his former master. 

Ben tried to push himself up enough to sit up straight. Breathing in through his nose, he tried to calm his nerves. His entire body had been shaking since the moment his grandfather had appeared. 

His eyes slowly fell to the horizon as Anakin bickered back and forth with his namesake. Leaving Ben time to wonder what it was his uncle saw. 

Had Luke seen what he might become? That he could in the future take on the name Kylo Ren? That he could fall to the darkside? 

**_But Luke knew visions weren’t set in stone, the future is ever changing. How could he think I was already lost?_ **

“ _Regardless_ ,” Anakin sneared. “It is not my place to speak for my son.” 

Ben eyes snapped back to his grandfather as he waved his hand up and across in front of him, flicking his wrist as if to dismiss his friend from his presence. 

Anakin turned back around to face his grandson. “I apologize for Obi Wan’s _rude_ interference.” He began. “But to answer your question, yes. There was a vision. As I have said, you should speak to Luke about it.” 

“What was vision?” Ben pressed, desperate for an answer, an understanding. Why had his uncle tried to kill him? What did he see? What was enough to kill him over?

“Sometimes, you remind me too much of myself.” Anakin stated.

Ben didn’t know how to take that. He felt a weird sensation of pride and fear mixing within him. His eyebrows furrowed.

“Look, I always jumped head first into things. I wanted to know everything. Be the youngest Jedi master. Be the strongest Jedi who ever lived. I wanted to learn to…” His grandfather paused, as if he realized something. “I wanted to learn the power you possess, actually.” 

“What do you mean?” 

Anakin expression became sullen. “I wanted to be able to restore life.”

Ben tilted his head. He had never stopped to think about what he had _actually_ _done_ on Exegol. 

It was right, saving Rey was all that mattered, yet Ben hadn’t given the fact he transferred his life force to her a second thought. It had felt a natural reaction. He never stopped to realize it wasn’t a common ability among the Jedi or Sith. 

Reaching through his memory to his studies, there were a few mentions of the ability. From what he could recall, the old Jedi texts said it was a power only rumored to exist. That no Jedi in living memory had actually possessed the power. Yet, there were still stories of ancient Jedi that mention the ability. Plenty of whispers of it from the Sith. 

Ben stared at his grandfather, the all powerful Darth Vader. He had never anticipated he would have an ability Anakin did not possess. 

His mind came to another realization, his eyes widened at the thought. “Why did you want to learn it?” 

“I see you might already have an idea.” Anakin seemed exhausted, even in death. “I wanted to save Padmé.”

“My grandmother.”

Anakin nodded. 

Ben paused for a moment. “Is that why you helped Rey save me?” 

Anakin looked at him as if he had spontaneously grown a second head. “Ben, I helped Rey save you because you deserve to live. She shared your ability and could make that happen.”

He was taken aback. There was no hesitation in Anakin’s voice. He said it as if the answer was obvious. 

“After the things I’ve done. I… don’t know if I agree.” Ben murmured.

Anakin’s eyebrows shot up so high they nearly touched his hairline. “You-your- you know who I was right? Darth Vader? The things _I_ did were...let’s just say the things you’ve done pale in comparison. You never fully gave yourself to the darkness, not as I did.”

Ben watched as Anakin came and kneeled down in front of him, keeping one leg up. 

“Ben, I know what it feels like. To be _so angry_. To hold that much hate in your heart. I spent nearly _my entire life_ angry. Carrying a rage inside me that would build without control, as if it has a life of its own. I allowed the darkness to consume me after I lost Padmé. I did things. Things no one should do. I allowed myself to enjoy the power. To enjoy the fear I brought. It was all I had left. I was alone and I was resentful. So I unleashed my wrath upon the galaxy, unmercifully.” 

Ben watched his grandfather, eyeing the scar that ran down the side of his face. It looked similar to the one he used to have. The one Rey had given him. A feeling a strange sensation of comfort radiated through him. Anakin’s words only adding to it. 

This is how he had always wanted to speak with his grandfather. He had always wanted more than the dark whispers Vader offered, or thought he was offering. Ben had thought that wanting that made him weak. But maybe, it didn’t. 

“But you, Ben.” Anakin continued. “You never let Palpatine steal all the light inside you. You never gave in so fully that you enjoyed it. The killings, tortures, manipulations. You never lost your compassion.” Anakin hesitated. 

He watched his grandfathers face. An endless array of emotions ran across it faster than Ben could even figure out what they were. He was staring at the ground, seemingly in his own world. 

Finally seeming to find some kind of resolve, his lips formed a determined line. Anakin met his grandson’s eyes once again. 

“The fact after everything that happened, you never lost your compassion. You are already stronger than I ever was.” He admitted. 

Ben’s jaw dropped. Unable to process the words his grandfather had just uttered. 

“Ben? Who’s that?” 

Her voice sucked him back into reality for a moment. He turned to look at her. Rey was on her way down from the mountain top. 

“You should cherish the time you have with her.” Anakin said. 

Ben turned back to face his grandfather. 

“The truth is, we never know how much time we have. Make every second count.” 

In a blink, Anakin was gone. His words lingering. 

Ben wondered if he was talking about what happened between him and his grandmother or if Anakin knew something he didn’t. 

Rey appeared next to him, crouching down. “Are you alright?” 

He turned to look at her, her concern written all over her face. Her eyes wide with worry. He shook his head. 

“What happened? Who was that?” She furrowed her eyebrows, reaching over and taking his blood stained hands. She didn’t hesitate to heal them. 

“My grandfather.” He quietly informed her. 

She froze. Her eyes slowly drifting up from his hands to his eyes. “ _Oh_.” She whispered. 

Silence fell between them, Rey’s eyes never leaving him.

Ben’s mind was in complete disarray. The emotions whirling around inside him in a confusing mess, it made him feel as if he were drowning. His grandfather’s voice repeating in his mind, echoing over and over.

Suddenly he stood, to Rey’s surprise. She scrambled to her feet, following after him.

Ben had to move. Had to find a way to breathe again. He couldn’t do this. This was all too much too quickly. Everything felt so heavy, as if his body couldn’t support the weight of his soul. 

“Ben, where are you going?” Rey asked.

He couldn’t reply, he’d barely even heard her as his mind was swallowed whole by the war of emotions battling within him. 

“Ben, please, talk to me.” She begged trailing after him, her tone pleading desperately for him not to walk away. “ _Ben_.”

The sound of his name from her lips was almost enough to make him stop. 

_Almost._

Ben barely noticed himself whispering the words **_not now_ **into her head. 

He felt her halt behind him. He couldn’t turn to look at her, had to keep his eyes forward. Ben could already feel her sadness and confusion through their bond, he didn’t want to see the disappointment in her face. He couldn’t take that on top of everything else. He still could feel her eyes bearing into his back, a small piece of her hoping he’d turn around. 

Ben promised himself, in that moment, he would tell her. He would tell her everything. But he needed time. Time to think. Time to put the shattered pieces of his mind back together. 

He barely even paid attention to where he was going. 

When he finally stopped, he found himself near the edge of a cliff. Below the waves crashing against the jagged rocks. 

Suddenly he collapsed to his knees, as if he had been carrying a bolder on his back that had become too heavy. His body was shaking again. His entire world seemingly turned upside down. 

Moving into a sitting position and bringing his knees in front of him, he wrapped his arms around his legs and drew them in. His eyes peered out over the water. 

Ben attempted to steady his breathing as he tried, slowly, to sort the pieces of his mind back together. 

Everything just felt _so heavy_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was a lot huh? Let me know what you all think in the comments!  
> I will start working on the next chapter right away, hopefully it'll be out sooner!  
> I really hope everyone enjoyed this one! Don't worry, the next chapter should have some fluff :)


	5. Compassion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took a while to come out! Like I said, I'll probably be putting these out more slowly until the workload lightens. 
> 
> Lots of fluff and other stuff. Hope everyone enjoys this chapter!

*** Rey’s P.O.V***

Rey huffed, placing her head on her closed fist, her elbow up on the table. She had gone back to the Falcon and was reading through the Jedi texts again, in an effort to give Ben the time he asked for. Watching him in such an intense state hurt her heart. The look on his face when she had crouched next to him was burned into her memory. He had never looked so utterly destroyed. 

She had no idea what his grandfather had said to him, what would make him so completely distraught. As she had gotten closer to him, his emotions hit her like a wave crashing on her head. The pain he felt gripping around her own heart as if someone was crushing it with their hands. She had to push a wall up in her own mind just to stop the intensity of the flood. It all hitting her at once nearly knocked her off her feet. When her eyes caught on his bloodied hands, her concern only grew. He had clearly dug his nails into his palms deep enough to draw blood. 

_What did he say to you?_

Rey reached out for him ever so often, just enough to feel his presence while not alerting him to her pull on their bond. It had been a couple hours and it was becoming nearly impossible to focus on anything but him. The longer this went on the more she wanted to run out and get him, bring him back to her so she could comfort him. Tell her about what happened so she could help him. 

She had to keep reminding herself it wasn’t about her, that he needs time before he opens up. 

Turning the page of the Jedi text, she had reached the section about kyber crystals. Meaning she was finished with the section on Jedi legend. Rey had been looking for anything more on their dyad but Luke had been right. There wasn’t much. Mostly just rumors and one ancient story of a Jedi who had described knowing a dyad, stating their power was like nothing he had ever seen. He wasn’t sure if anyone could match their strength. This only seemed to add to weight building on her shoulders.

She had wanted to believe she was powerful, she worked for it with Leia. Expanding her abilities and strengths as much as possible. Rey had to prepare herself for the war. Yet, now, everything seems to be telling her that she is even more powerful than she knows. That with Ben at her side, they had the capability of becoming an unstoppable force. 

The word ‘unstoppable’ was the problem, the thought unsettled her. Being powerful was one thing, she already knew that she and Ben were powerful. But unstoppable, Palpatine had thought he was unstoppable. He had become a monster and nearly destroyed the entire galaxy. Only with the help of generations of Jedi behind her did she have just enough strength to stop him. 

Rey wondered what could have happpened if Palpatine hadn’t sucked the life force from her and Ben. Would their dyad alone have been enough to stop him? If she were to believe the texts stories, the answer was most likely yes. 

It was both comforting and disturbing to her. She enjoyed the thought that no one could take Ben from her again, that as long as they were together neither could be taken from the other. Yet, she didn’t like the idea that if anything bad did happen to them, no one would be able to stop them. Rey was also aware of the fact it would be expected of them to bring up a new generation of Jedi. 

She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Of course, she didn’t want force users to be untrained or fall to the darkside. However, she saw now some of the flaws Luke had mentioned about the Jedi and their philosophies. Ben and his grandfather, two of the most powerful force users in history, were manipulated to the darkside. Luke failed Ben by thinking his choice was made, trying to end his life was too far. 

The Jedi seemed to believe if you were even tempted to the darkside you were already lost. They didn’t seem to care to notice the light that still resided within. Ben can’t be the only one they failed in that manor. Clearly, more education about the darkside is needed. 

_We’ll have to find a different way to teach them._ _There is light and dark in us all._

She also couldn’t say she would agree about their philosophies about having no attachments. Because of the connection they share, she and Ben had saved each other from darkness. Rey didn’t want to think about all the things that could’ve happened without them coming together. The idea that the Jedi would throw away such a powerful path for Jedi to stay in the light boggled her mind. 

Finding a family in the resistance, finding a home in Ben, they were the things that kept her from losing herself. They kept her from losing hope. Love was what Ben thought he lacked and why Palpatine had to separate him from his family to turn him. 

_How could the Jedi believe that love would only bring jealousy and fear? Love can bring those things but it can also bring a light to life like nothing else can._

Rey shook her head, returning her attention to the book. It was something to think about in time, hopefully with Ben helping her decide. 

Her eyes glanced over the page, she had never paid much attention to this section. Rey wasn’t sure she’d ever construct her own saber, it had been of low priority while the war raged. Now, thinking about it, maybe it was a good idea. Surely they shouldn’t use Luke and Leia’s sabers their entire lives. The texts speak of the making of a saber as an important part of the Jedi journey. 

Thunder cracked, snapping her out of her readings. 

_That’s it._

Rey stood and made her way outside the Falcon into the pouring rain. She let the bond guide her way to him. Mere seconds after she started on her way she was soaked head to toe, the water pooling in her shoes seeming to weigh her feet down. 

As she came up around the ridge she saw him sitting on the cliffs edge. His legs were pulled up to his chest with arms wrapped around them and his chin resting on his knees. Ben’s eyes were closed, seemingly completely unbothered by the thunderstorm raging above his head. Though he seemed much calmer than the last time she saw him, even if she could still feel some of his inner turmoil through their bond. 

“Ben!” She called as she approached. 

His eyes opened and he motioned with his head for her to come over. She sat down on her knees next to him. 

“You shouldn’t be out in this anymore, you’ll end up ill.” she warned him, concern evident in her voice. 

“Rey.” 

The sound of his voice, even slightly muffled from the hard rain, was like music to her ears. It had only been a few hours since she had heard it but even that had seemed too long. 

“Ben?” 

“Is that my ship?” 

  
Rey’s eyes widened and she looked out, following his eyes. It was, indeed, his burnt ship sitting below the cliff side just to the right of their view. 

She bit her lip. “Yes?” 

“Why is it here? And why is it completely destroyed?” 

Rey wrinkled her nose, shifting to sit down cross legged, she was already soaking wet anyway. Her mind flashed back to the moment she had decided to banish herself here. How she was afraid of her darkside after she had hurt Ben on the death star ruins. How she thought it would be better if she just disappeared as to not hurt anyone else. 

Part of her didn’t want to tell him, didn’t want to worry about whether he would blame himself for that as well or not. Nor did she want to admit how stupid it was of her, it put the entire galaxy at risk to abandon her mission the way she did. Selfish even. 

“I’ll tell you that if you tell me what made you come out here and sit alone for hours.” Rey offered. 

For a moment, she doesn’t think he’ll say anything. Ben kept his eyes on his destroyed ship but she could sense his mind was still racing. She tried to see something, anything, but he was much better than she was about hiding his thoughts. 

Sadness gripped her heart as she realized he must’ve developed the skill because he was trying to guard his mind from Snoke. 

Rey wanted nothing more than for him to let her help him, to actually believe he isn’t alone any longer. Part of her knew what he was feeling, she felt it too. That sudden closeness to someone in a way neither had ever experienced. It wasn’t easy to adjust to but she was trying. 

“I will.” He finally whispered, reaching out a hand for her and meeting her gaze. “I promise.” 

Rey laced her fingers with his, allowing herself to lean against him and resting her head on his shoulder. She believed him. She knew he was trying for her sake. Her eyes watched as raindrops fell from his jawline, sometimes clinging to his skin and lingering before getting too heavy and dropping. 

“That’s all I ask.” she mumbled to him. 

“Do you remember the things we talked about the last time you were here?” he asked.

Rey nodded against his shoulder. 

“So you remember the story of the Jedi temple?” 

She furrowed her brow. “What about it?” 

Ben reached up and raked his hand through his soaking wet locks, raindrops flying off in all different directions. “I wasn’t completely honest,” he stated. 

Picking her head up from his shoulder she turned her head to look at him. “What do you mean? Luke had finally admitted he tried to-” 

Ben shook his head. “He did. That’s not what I mean.” 

“What _do_ you mean?” she questioned as lighting cracked above their heads. Her eyes momentarily drifted to follow it flow across the sky. 

“I said I destroyed the temple.” The tremble in his voice brought her attention back to his face. 

  
Rey couldn't tell if it was just rain dripping down his face or if there were tears mixing with it. She moved her other hand to cover their interlocked hands squeezing his hand tightly. 

_You can tell me_. She thought to him. 

He gave her hand a tight squeeze in return before continuing. “I...I didn’t do it.” 

She turned her body so she was now sitting in front of him. “Wait, you’re saying you didn’t burn down the temple?” 

He let out an exhausted sigh. “No. I didn’t.” 

_Was anything Luke said true?_

“But if you didn't do it then what happened?” 

Ben turned his eyes from her. “Snoke did it. Well, Palpatine. He used what happened with Luke as a trigger.” 

“Wait, what? Snoke...framed you? Why didn’t you tell anyone it wasn't true? Why didn’t you explain what happened to anyone?” The questions flew from her mouth before she could even think to stop them. 

Ben gave her an empty chuckle. “You think anyone would have believed me? A few classmates that survived the attack didn’t when I tried to explain, they tried to kill me. Luke was all too willing to tell everyone I had done it. All too willing to _believe I would_ do it.” 

His voice was flat, there was no anger or even sadness in his voice. He spoke as if it were a simple matter of fact. Seeming to just accept the fact that everyone had thought him a villain even before his turn. 

Her heart ached for him. She couldn’t imagine how he had felt back then, believing everyone he thought he could trust had abandoned him. His entire life being unknowingly guided by an outside force hell bent on the destruction of his family. Rey had never had a family before but Ben did. To have it and lose it in such a way, no wonder he had been so lost.

She knew he wasn’t lying, he hadn’t destroyed the temple. He had tried to defend himself and others didn’t believe him. It puzzled her how people could be so willing to turn their backs on him. So willing to believe he was a monster. 

Her mind drifted back to when she had called him that. A monster. She could still see his face change as clear as if it were happening all over again. It had surprised her. His confirmation. ‘ _Yes I am.’_ No hesitation in his voice. He knew the things he had done were wrong, he never tried to defend his actions to her. 

It was that moment she saw the first glimpse of who he truly was. A small bit of Ben Solo peeking out through the cracks of the carefully constructed persona he had been given. 

It was sad to think how she could see him, the real him, when he had revealed how much he hated himself. Ben didn’t have to say it aloud, his self loathing was evident at that moment. The slight quiver of his lip, the water pooling around the edges of his eyes that he tried to hide, hands clenched at his side. The adamant way he said the words. 

He had met her eyes to convey his seriousness, slowly moving closer. It was almost as if hearing her voice the word was a relief. Further proof he could use to tell himself that what he was doing was the only path for him. That he was supposed to be alone and on the darkside, a weapon to be wielded by others and nothing else.

“I’m _so_ sorry, Ben.” She lamented, her voice catching in her throat as a lump began forming there. Her eyes fixed on their hands clutching onto each other. Thunder clapped once again above their heads and the lightning stretching across the sky momentarily lit up their surroundings.

He lifted his free hand and placed it under her chin, gently lifting it until their eyes met. His face was closer now, she could see now his eyes were puffy. Ben had cried at some point. The knowledge of that only made the gripping in her heart tighten. 

“Why are you apologizing, Rey? I don’t understand. None of it was your fault.” His voice was low, gentle and sweet, just like the night in her hut. She loved when he sounded like that. 

Rey didn’t know how to answer him. _Why am I apologizing?_

She knew that she had no part in the path his life took until a year ago. Yet, she couldn’t help apologizing for the terrible events that happened throughout his life. The more she learned, the more she wanted to protect him even though these events were years ago. 

The thought that no one was able to protect him, that part of the family he trusted betrayed him, feeding into Ben’s fears. That his family, the ones who were supposed to always be at his side were part of the reason he turned. It was heartbreaking. 

Maybe it was also the fact it was _her_ grandfather who did all of it to him, her blood, the family she had searched for for so long. The family she wanted so badly had ended up being the one to hurt the person she’d come to care for the most. Almost as if her determination to find her family brought something terrible into existence. 

She wondered if Palpatine had succeeded in capturing her all those years ago would it have made a difference? Would he still have gone after Ben? Could she have made a difference in his life? Part of her wanted to believe he wouldn’t have been focused on Ben, that somehow she could have protected him by giving herself up had she had known all she did now. 

**_Don’t ever think that._ **

Ben’s voice was much louder in her head than it had been when he spoke aloud. The reticence in his voice was gone, replaced by an unyielding conviction. His lips had formed a determined line and his eyes were focused completely and entirely on hers. 

**_I would never wish what happened to me on anyone else, least of all you. My life, my choices, Snoke, all of it. I would go through all of it again if it meant keeping you safe._ **

Tears filled the corners of her eyes. The idea that he would endure such pain all over again just to keep her safe was overwhelming to her. She had never imagined she would ever feel so cared for, so safe, with anyone. That she would feel the same and they would be so fierce in protecting one another. That no one would ever know them as deeply as they knew each other. 

Rey nearly jumped forward as she went to wrap her arms around his neck, the impact of which knocked him over onto his back. She clung to his neck as if her life depended on it, adjusting herself so she was straddling him. He snaked his arms around her waist, pulling her tighter against him. Their wet clothes seemed to stick together as the rain continued pouring down on them. 

_I hope you know I would do anything to keep you safe._

Her damp hair formed a curtain around their faces as she pulled up to look at his expression. The smile he had on took her breath away. Oh, that damn smile. She loved that smile. 

**_I don’t doubt it. But-_ **

_There are no buts, Solo. I will always protect you just as you protect me. You can never stop me from doing that or convince me you don’t deserve it._

He laughed and Rey swore her heart stopped momentarily. His laugh does something to her, something she can’t even begin to explain. 

**_You are stubborn._ **

_You’re one to talk._

**_What is it that you do to me?_** He questioned as his eyes slowly scanned over her face, a hand moving up to push away a strand of hair that had been clinging to her cheek. He moved it behind her ear, letting his hand linger there. Thunder cracked again above their heads but neither of them were paying much attention to the weather anymore. 

A wide grin spread over her face, her hands finding their way around to the sides of his face. Her thumbs traced over his cheekbones and down his jawline. She swore she could stare at his face for eternity and be satisfied. 

_I could ask you the same thing._

Her eyes traveled down to his lips, those very kissable lips. She couldn’t help herself, nor did she want to. Leaning her head down, she placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

Ben didn’t hesitate before kissing her back. His fingers pushed through her wet hair and wrapped around the back of her neck, bringing her as close as possible. Her hands never leaving his face, trying to pull him impossibly closer. There was a hunger building in her, a desire she had never felt before. She felt his other hand on her hip, pushing slowly upward, his fingers finding their way under her shirt. 

The heat in her cheeks burned intensely as she allowed him to leave his hand on her bare flesh. It had stopped, lingering on her side just below her beasts. His tongue was against her lips and without thinking she opened her mouth, allowing them to taste each other. 

It was intoxicating, her brain in a hazy mess as she tried to process this new sensation while their tongues seemed to battle one another. The soft sounds escaping from their lips as they did so making her heart race faster with each passing second. Her curiosity grew as they continued, wanting to explore more of his mouth. The force was whipping wildly around them, though she had hardly bothered to notice. 

Rey couldn’t describe the taste of him but she enjoyed every second she got to explore it. The thought crossed her mind that she would be the _only one_ to taste him, a part of her relished that. He was all hers. She wanted more of him, all of him. She had never felt such an intense want for something as she was experiencing now. 

There was a shift between her legs, heat gathering low and the voice of reason perked up. Whispering in the back of her mind. _You have no idea what you’re doing._

Snapping out of her trance, she slowly pulled away from him. Pecking his lips once more before she pulled her face completely away. Her mind was still fuzzy from the experience as she stared down at him. The force seemed to calm around them. 

She bit down on her lip, he looked as if he were in a daze. Staring up at her with doe eyes, the flush of his face most likely matching her own. Rey could feel the heat all the way down her chest. Both of them were breathless, her mind tried to come back to focus as the rain pounded down on her back. 

“We should probably get out of the rain.” she stated, though her words were sluggish and so quiet she wasn’t even sure he had heard her. 

Ben blinked a few times before slowly nodding his head. He sat up, Rey still in his lap. He kissed her one more time, his lips lingering lightly before pulling back and getting ready to stand. They stood up together. Gradually, they started on their way back to the Falcon. Rey’s mind replaying their kiss on a loop inside her head. 

_Who could she ask?_ She pondered, wondering who she could go to for advice on this matter that was so new to her. She had never wanted anyone like this before and she had no idea what it all entailed. Rey wasn’t shy about exploring herself but she knew nothing about exploring _him_. Finally, her mind settle on who. 

_Rose._ Rey wondered if she would be open to offering her advice. _One way to find out._

Suddenly, her foot slipped out from underneath her, before Rey could even think to catch herself Ben’s hands were on her waist. Her hands gripped onto his as she tried to regain her footing. A combination of her mind being elsewhere and the rain had resulted in her slipping, nearly falling completely over. Had Ben not caught her, she probably would’ve landed flat on her face.

  
Rey pressed her lips together, slightly embarrassed at having made such a simple error. She turned her head to look at him and an amused look played across his face, his eyebrows raised at her. 

“Thank you.” She muttered. 

He smirked down at her, dropping his hands from her waist. “You’re welcome.” 

When they finally reached the Falcon, Rey was freezing. Her soaking wet clothes amplifying the cold air in the Falcon. She walked over and grabbed a towel, beginning to dry out her hair. Removing her shawl, she tossed it into a pile on the floor while reaching into the crate of clothes to find something else that fit her along with something for Ben to put on. Her eyes followed him as he simply took a seat at the table, still soaking wet. 

Rey sighed grabbing the clothes she thought would fit along with another towel and making her way to him. Placing her towel and their clothes on the table, she offered him the dry towel.

He shook his head at her. 

“Ben, you’re soaked, you should at least dry off your hair. Aren’t you freezing?” she asked as a shiver went down her own spine. 

“I’m alright.” He muttered, seeming to be completely lost in thought. His eyes fixed on the floor. 

She exhaled loudly and took the towel in her hands. Gently reaching over, she started grabbing parts of his hair to dry. His eyes snapped up to hers, he stared up at her wide eyed. 

Rey could feel the heat returning to her cheeks under his gaze. He didn’t try to stop her as she continued to dry different parts of his hair and scalp. Just watched her, eyes never leaving her. 

“Is there something else you want to talk about?” she questioned, a part of her hoping for him to give a little bit of insight on his conversation with his grandfather. 

  
His eyes still followed her movements, her hands delicately tugging on and squeezing the water from his dark curls. “Thank you.” 

Rey cocked an eyebrow. “For drying your hair?” 

“For being patient with me.” His hand reached out as her arm turned, the pad of his thumb soft against her skin. It was surprisingly warm as it slid across the scar she had gotten from their fight in Snoke’s throne room. 

She had unknowingly paused while he traced the scar. That day in the throne room had so many emotions clinging to it, it was almost overwhelming to remember. 

“You’ve been patient with me too.” She muttered. “This is new to us both, remember.” 

Dropping his hand, he titled his head at her. “Sometimes, you’re too understanding.” 

Rey snorted. “What does that mean?” 

He shifted uncomfortably as she pulled back to meet his eyes, her hands pausing with the towel still wrapped in his hair. “Some of the things I've done. They don’t warrant such understanding...or forgiveness.” 

She sighed, already tired of this conversation. “Do we have to talk about this again?” 

“After the things I’ve done, I shouldn’t just get to walk away from it all. To have you with me, every step. To find some form of peace here. I shouldn’t just _get_ those things.” he lamented. 

Reaching through the bond, Rey swore she almost got whiplash from his sudden change in emotions. They had just been outside, their lips together and tongues dancing, content to be together. Blissful, even. The closeness, the heat she felt, she had enjoyed every second. The look on his face when she had pulled away, she had never seen him so at ease. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind she wanted to be here with him. That he deserved to be here, to heal from a lifelong battle he barely survived. 

It saddened her deeply Ben still thought he didn’t deserve to be here. Part of him even thinking he didn’t deserve to be breathing the air he is. Still not believing in all the good he could bring to the galaxy. That he could make up for mistakes made. 

And, more selfishly, at this point she didn’t care what anyone else thought. _She wanted him here_ , she knew he deserved the chance to heal. Rey had never experienced such intense feelings for anyone else in her life. The smallest things, the sound of his voice, the way he looks at her, the ways she knows he knows her better than anyone, all of it making her feel something indescribable. 

When he talks like this, it always brings her mind right back to Exegol. Staring down at his lifeless face. It had been burned into her mind and it was not a memory she ever planned on reliving. 

“Stop thinking like that.” She began. “You _do_ deserve this. You have so much good inside. You’re finally free to be who you truly are.” Rey let the towel wrap around his neck as her hands cup his face. “Please, _please_ stop thinking that way.” 

Ben brought his hands up to cover hers. “Rey, I… You shouldn’t have to give everything up to be here with me. You deserve something more than a life of seclusion or in hiding.”

Rey rolled her eyes at his martyrdom. He had seemed so much more sure of himself while on the darkside. Perhaps, like her, he was scared of an unknown future. To, for the first time, choose a path all their own. 

“We’ve already had this conversation. I _want_ to be here. I want to be here _with you_. Whatever the future holds, I want you with me.” She gently pushed a strand of hair that had fallen in his face to the side. 

_Please, believe me when I say that._

He went silent for a long time. She tried to reach her way inside to catch even a glimpse of what he was thinking. Her eyes never left his, pleading with him to let her see. To help her understand. 

Then she caught a glimpse of something, something she was sure _he didn’t want her to see_. A single thought. 

_He didn’t deserve her._

The thought completely baffled her, her jaw dropping slightly as the thought slowly registered. She knew he thought he had hurt her too much. Sometimes he had hurt her and sometimes he pushed her when she wasn’t ready. But that was not enough to warrant such a thought. 

They had hurt each other plenty since they met. Her fingers traced back over where his scar used to be. Her mind flashing back to the sound of his voice breaking across the word ‘please’ in the throne room. The look he gave her as she shut the Falcon door in his face. Several force bond moments over the last year playing one after the other. 

Then memory of her rage blinding her enough to thrust a saber into his chest. The resulting look of acceptance on his face as she had snapped out of it, tears streaming down her face. Tears threatened the corner of her eyes as these memories flooded her mind. 

_How could you think that?_ She questioned, a lump forming in her throat. 

**_Rey, you are everything that is good. The person I was for a long time, not good._ **

She scoffed at him. _I am not everything good, Ben. That’s ridiculous. You’ve said it yourself, there is light and dark in us all. I’ve done things I wish I could take back as well. I am well aware of your past. Who you used to be. You deserve this second chance, you can make up for the things you’ve done. Live on your terms for once. And I want to be there with you on the journey._

His brows drew together, the corners of his mouth turning down as he did so. **_How can you be so certain? I don’t understand. Why are you so certain that this is what you want? That I…_ **

Rey tried to find the words to explain, to explain how much he meant to her. How much potential she saw in him, in them. That no matter what the future held, she knew it would be alright as long as they were together. As long as they had each other to lean on. She couldn’t imagine a life without him any longer. The second he had given his life for her, those few minutes she had to live without her other half nearly destroyed her. 

Over the course of the year, even when they fought, they grew ever closer. It had scared her at the time, how close they were getting despite being on opposite sides of a war. Chatting in secret for over a year, sometimes talking, sometimes arguing, moments where neither had said a word. 

Ben had been right, she was afraid of turning because of their connection. The only thing that could lure her to the darkness, for her to chose it, was him. The moment he returned to light, the moment he fought for her and with her. She had never felt such relief in her entire life. 

She leaned her head down, placing her forehead against his and his hands found their way to her waist. Rey wanted him to understand, needed him to believe her. For him to feel what she couldn’t put to words. She allowed the walls that guarded her mind to fall, a part of her hoping he would do the same. 

His presence in her mind was considerate, slow and gentle, not wandering. Keeping his mind on what she wanted him to know and going no further. Her heart picked up it’s pace as they met the same conclusion in her head. 

Ben gawked at her, disbelieving what they both now understood. He squeezed her hips, momentarily closing his eyes. 

It felt right. Almost a relief that he knew, that she herself knew. She was grateful for their bond, that she could share so intimately her thoughts and feelings. 

He hesitated, only for a brief moment before allowing the walls inside his head to crumble. Rey admired his restraint, her curiosity driving her to want to wander all throughout his head. But she controlled herself, offering the same consideration to him as he did to her. Only looking where he led her. 

They were gazing into each other's eyes as he allowed her to experience his feelings, her heart swelling as their minds melded together. The force made its presence known, swirling around them again as if to wrap them up in it. 

It all seemed so simple like this. It seemed blatantly obvious in highsight. Rey couldn’t help but smile down sweetly at him, her mind repeating thank you on a loop. The smile he returned sucked the breath from her lungs. 

He was letting her in and she knew it had been hard for him. Yet, Ben did it for her. But now she knew, something part of her had always known. 

He would always try for her. 

Because he loved her. 

And she would always try for him. 

Because she loved him. 

That knowledge brought her an unending level of comfort. 

Before she knew it she was in his lap, feverishly pressed her lips to his. He had no reservations about obliging her, kissing her back with equal passion. 

Breaking away from her lips, he kissed his way along her jaw and down her neck. The gasp she let out as he bit lightly onto the soft of her neck would’ve been embarrassing had he not pulled her closer in response. Her heart was raced in her chest as her hands wandered over his shoulders and back. She barely cared they were still in their sopping wet clothing. He peppered kisses along her collar bone before she tugged on his hair, bringing his lips back to hers. 

While their tongues explored each other, her hips seemed to move on their own as they grinded against him. His proceeding moan inside her mouth was enrapturing. 

Ben gripped onto her hips tightly, pulling back away from her lips. “Rey…” he growled through gritted teeth. 

Their minds were still melded together, she could feel his want for her only growing with each passing second. But she knew what he was thinking, how hard she was making it for him to stop. She could feel him through their clothes. The rational part of her brain whispering he was right. They should take their time with each other, with this. 

As their minds separated and walls returned between them, Rey reminded herself she had no idea what she was doing. She wanted their coming together to be special, she wanted to bring him as much pleasure as she could. She needed to talk to Rose, as soon as possible. 

She placed a few slower, more gentle kisses to his lips before pulling back. The force calmed around them, falling away. They sat there in silence for a moment. Ben’s hand found its way under the end of her shirt to rub circles on the small of her back as she played with his hair. Both allowing their heart rates to slow and regain their breath. She stared down at him, lost in his eyes. 

“Ben.” She whispered. 

“Hm?” He hummed. 

“I love you.” The words fell from her mouth easier than she’d imagined. A sense of relief radiated through her to acknowledge it. To finally understand a way to put to words how she felt. 

A wide, warm smile spread across his face as a quiet chuckle escaped from his lips. It was the same way he had smiled after she’d kissed him the first time. Rey loved his smile. She was pretty sure she would never see anything else that matched its beauty. 

“I love you too.” He breathed before pecking her lips. 

Hearing it said aloud caused goosebumps to erupt across her body. She would be forever grateful the force had brought them together. To be loved like this was all she had ever wanted. To have someone to love in return. It felt _so right_. 

A breeze whipped inside from the storm outside causing her to shiver. “We should probably change.” She muttered. 

Ben bobbed his head, moving to help her off his lap. They grabbed their clothes and went into separate rooms to change. Though she paused before shutting her door, letting her eyes linger on his. He hadn't fully closed it. Watching through the crack she saw a glimpse of his shirtless form. Rey bit her lip before smirking to herself and closing her door. 

After changing, she wandered over and picked up some rations for them to eat. Placing the kits on the table, she returned to look through the cabinets for something to drink that would help to warm them. She hadn’t altered her outfit much, they were nearly identical except for her top. She had on a grey, long sleeved shirt this time. 

Ben came around the corner, lending her a small smile before taking his seat at the table. The grey sweater she had given him seemed to fit his form well. 

“Don’t worry. It’s not bantha.” She remarked as she opened a corner cabinet. There were several packages stacked up in this one. She wasn’t sure she’d ever seen them before. 

“I know. I checked.” He replied, to which she chuckled. 

Rey examined the boxes. _Hot chocolate? What is this?_

She read the instructions, using the little kitchenette to make the drink. Popping a few of the pods into the multiprocessor and instructed it, as the box said, to dry and powder them. After a few moments, the machine buzzed. She added a small amount of water and the sweetener that came with the box then waited for the second chime. 

  
Rey wrinkled her nose when she read the next instructions. _Add milk? Do we still have any?_ Pulling open the fridge, she thanked the force there was still some inside. After pouring the milk inside, she set it to heat slowly. 

Turning around, she noticed Ben was already almost done with his meal. He was just popping some of the leftover fruit in his mouth. She couldn’t help her mind wandering back to his conversation with his grandfather. Rey knew Ben said he would tell her and she wanted to respect his need for time. But her impatience and curiosity were beginning to eat at her. Shouting to ask him again what happened. 

The machine chimed, bringing her out of her thoughts. Sighing, she turned back around. Taking the container out, she poured some for the liquid into the mug. Slowly bringing the mug to her lips, she took her first sip. 

Rey’s eyebrows shot up. It was dark and rich, it’s sweetness coating the inside of her mouth. The warmth it provided seemed to spread throughout her body quickly. She hummed with approval. A grin spread over her face as she took another sip. 

_This is so good! How have I never had this before?_

She took out another mug from the cabinet, filling it up before making her way over towards Ben. 

As she sat down across from him, he raised an amused eyebrow at her as Rey held out the second mug to him. 

Ben paused for a moment, staring down at the swirling liquid inside the mug in her outstretched hand. 

“It’s called hot chocolate.” She stated. “It’s really good.” 

He let a smile tug at the corner of his mouth. “Yeah, I know.” He reached out and took the mug from her, bringing it to sit between both his hands. 

“Do you not like it?” Rey questioned. 

He shook his head. “No, it’s not that. I like it. I… I used to drink it all the time, actually.”

“Oh,” Rey offered a small, sympathetic smile. “With your dad?”

“Well, with everyone, really. Before they sent me away, it became a part of a routine. Whenever my father would come home from his trips, the three of us would sit here and watch The Perre Needmo Newshour on the holonet while we had our hot chocolate. I can’t remember the last time I drank this.” Ben brought the mug to his lips, taking a small slip. 

Rey smiled at the image forming in her head. Leia, Han, and little Ben sitting in these seats, chatting while watching the news. It painted a sweet picture. “That sounds really nice,” She remarked. “What did you say you were watching?” 

“The Perre Needmo Newshour. It was the most popular news channel in Coruscant. My mom always wanted to know what was happening, keep up to date on all current events.” He paused to take another slip of his drink. “Politics were always her game, she really loved being a senator.” 

The remark hung in the air between them in respectful silence. She knew he was still hurting over his mother’s death just as she was. Deciding it was best not to pry too much on it now, her thoughts wandered elsewhere. 

Rey had never gotten to know Leia as a politician but she could definitely see how she made a good one. The way in which she commanded, when she walked into the room you knew who was in charge. When she talked, you listened. 

_Unless you’re Poe._ She thought, rolling her eyes at the thought while taking another satisfying sip. 

Leia always carried herself with grace, despite being a general and no longer a politician. Rey wondered what it would be like to see in her the senate, arguing her point with fierce perseverance. Leia had always been good with her words and never afraid to voice her thoughts. The idea of trying to combat a bunch of politicians on galactic matter made Rey’s head hurt, politics are never straight forward. She’d rather face a threat she could _actually combat_. 

Blinking, she focused her attention back onto Ben. Rey had always wondered about what growing up with a family would’ve been like, hearing about the life he had before everything happened was intriguing. Part of her also content by the fact he still had _some_ happy memories of his family. 

“So, your mom was the one that started the tradition?” she questioned, taking a piece of apple from her kit and popping it into her mouth. 

He sat back in his seat, still holding the mug in his hands that now rested in his lap. Several strands of hair fell across his face as he looked down at it. “Well, Luke and Lando introduced my parents to drinking it. Those two both loved hot chocolate, seemingly more than any other drink. It would actually get annoying when they wouldn’t stop talking about it. Luke would always end up bringing back different types of rarer variations of hot chocolate to store on the Falcon.” 

“Wait.” Rey narrowed her eyes. “ _Luke,_ the grumpy ex Jedi Master, was obsessed with hot chocolate?” 

Ben tilted his head, giving her a slight nod before taking another sip of his drink. “He was. Luke wasn’t always...well, things change.” 

She could tell he still had a hard time talking about his uncle. Understandable, Luke had tried to kill him. Rey didn’t feel a strong anger like for his uncle like he had before his turn, just confusion and sadness emanating from him. Keeping her mug in her right hand, she reached her left across the table. Offering a small smile when he looked up from his drink. 

Reaching up with his right hand, Ben laced their fingers together. 

Her arm accidentally grazed the controls for the Dejarik board, the holograms flashed to life through their kits. 

“Oh, sorry.” Rey placed the mug down on the board, reaching for the control to turn the game off. She paused, her eyes drifting back up to him. “Unless, you wanna play a round or two.”

Ben cocked an eyebrow at her. “I haven’t played in years but we can if you want.” 

“Why not?” She unlaced their fingers and finished her drink. Then proceeding to move her kit and the empty mug in the seat neck to her. “Chewie tried to teach me but he always ended up getting into a competition with Finn and Poe.” 

“Does he still cheat?” Ben questioned. 

Rey let her mouth gape for a moment. “Chewie doesn’t cheat.” 

He raised his eyebrows at her. “Sure, he doesn’t.” he chuckled, popping the last piece of fruit into his mouth before also moving the kit into the seat next to him.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “You go first.”

“Ladies first.” he offered. 

Rey rolled her eyes before selecting where she wanted her players to go. 

They had each taken a few turns by the time thunder clapped above their heads, the storm only seeming to get worse as time progressed. It was nearly night. She smirked as she destroyed one of his pieces. A thought crossed her mind as she watched him lean his arms against the table.

“Ben.” 

“Yes?” His eyes were narrowed, focused on the board. Seemingly carefully constructing his next move. 

She bit her lip while she picked at her fingernails. “Is... it alright if we sleep in the same bed again?”

Looking up from the board, a soft smile spread over his lips. “I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you enjoyed in the comments! 
> 
> Points if you've read some of the other books and know about the hot chocolate thing! lol Yes it exists in Star Wars and yes Luke and Lando loved it. 
> 
> Slight nsfw note, am I the only one who thinks they would fight for top? No? Just me? *Awkward cough* I'll just head out.


	6. Thank you for being you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S FINALLY HERE.  
> So, so, so sorry this took so long. School work and family drama have kicked up quite a bit lately.  
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter.  
> 14,298 words to make up the long break.

***Ben’s P.O.V***

Cracking his eyes open, Ben took a deep breath in. The musty Falcon air was mixing with the lingering soft, sweet aroma of Rey’s lavender scented soap. Sleep still clung to his eyes in a way he had never experienced. Before if he was awake, he was on his feet. Now, his body seemed to be demanding he stay in bed forever, wrapped up in the warmth of this moment. 

He thought about lifting his arm to rub the sleep from his eyes but paused, realizing it was wrapped around Rey’s waist. His eyes drifted down, settling on her face, it was resting lightly in the crook of his arm. She was snuggled into his side, her head between his upper arm and his chest. One hand laying on his abdomen while the other lay against his side. He took a moment, gazing down at her sleeping form in wonderment. 

Ben was sure they hadn’t fallen asleep like this. Somehow, they seemed to have gotten closer to one another in their sleep. His heart seemed to swell the longer he peered down at her, watching the small flare of her nostrils as she breathed in and out. She looked so small in his arms, yet, she seemed to fit against him perfectly. The curves of their bodies fitting together like puzzle pieces made to fit only with each other. 

Never once had he considered what it would be like, to love anyone the way he loved Rey. To reach this level of comfort with anyone. He never would have believed it was an option for him. Let alone to have the person he loved sleeping soundly against his chest. That the sight of such a thing could and does invoke such peace within him. Ben avoided making too big a movement, for fear of waking her and ending the quietude. 

Her soft snoring brought a small smile to his lips and his thumb began to trace small circles against her hip. He had never noticed how many freckles she had. They were sprinkled all over her cheeks and across her nose. Perhaps because they were so light, he would never have been able to see them without being this close to her face. 

Rey also had two small scars he’d never seen. One right above her eyebrow and the other on the side of her nose. He wondered how she had gotten them. Though given what he knew of her life there was no telling how, when or where she got them. 

Ben considered that she may even have more scars, hidden in other places, as he did. Scars littered every part of his body from training, battles, accidents, Snoke, crashes, and an endless list of other things. Her life hadn’t been much easier than his, surviving on her own on that desert planet. It was likely she did have more. A part of him had always liked his scars, they served to remind him he had survived worse things. He knew she had to; her strength still astonished him. 

Rey’s eyes fluttered open and a yawn escaped from her lips as she began to shift against him. Slowly, she seemed to realize how the two of them were laying, her eyes drifting slowly upward until they met his.

He had expected her to pull away in surprise of their closeness, but she did not. Instead, she smiled up at him so brightly he swore even stars themselves couldn’t compare. 

It suddenly hit him. This could be how he woke up every day for the rest of his days. His arms wrapped around the woman he loved; her beaming smile the first sight of each day. This woman who, still to his own disbelief, loved him in return. He couldn’t imagine living any other way again. 

Yet, the voice in his head still whispered he didn’t deserve it. 

Rey’s smile faded and her eyebrows furrowed as she tilted her head. Strands of her hair falling over her shoulder as she leaned up. Her hand slid up his chest to cup his face.

_You do deserve this._

Before he could even begin to form a thought to send back, she placed her thumb over his lips to silence him, as if he were going to speak aloud. 

_But._ She began. _I feel the guilt you harbor for the things you did while lost in darkness._

Rey paused, her eyes scanning over his face. Slowly, she offered another soft smile. 

_You need to know when I say I love you; I do mean all of you. Even in your darkest parts._

Ben tilted his head in confusion, taken aback by her declaration. 

**_Even my darkest parts?_ ** He questioned. 

Her fingers began playing with the strands of hair beside his face and she slowly nodded. 

_I… I know I have not been the best at explaining my feelings on certain things. But as you said yourself, we all have light and darkness within us. I think we must accept both to live in balance. And I…_

She huffed air from her nose, scrunching her lips to one side. He tried to keep himself from smiling, the faces she made when she was thinking would never cease to amuse him. 

_Ben._ Rey started again. _I... I know some of the things you’ve done, as Kylo Ren, were...terrible._

He cringed at the sound of his old name, especially hearing her voice speak it. His mind raced with a million regrets all at once. The feeling was almost overwhelming. The guilt building inside him starting to drown him. 

**_I don’t know if I can ever make up for them._ ** He agonized, his brows pulling together.

Rey shook her head, her fingers untangling from his hair as her thumb brushed gently over his cheek. Her hazel eyes sparkling with determination as she locked her eyes with his. 

_I know you can._

There it was. That burning light of hope shining. The same look she had given him when they touched hands across the stars. Once again in the elevator of the Supremacy and when their bond opened on Exegol. She had so much hope for him, for their future. It was hard not to believe when her words radiated such conviction. 

He would thank the universe until the end of time for bringing them together. 

**_I hope so._ **It was all he could manage to reply, though his arm wrapped tighter around her. 

_You can. You were misguided then._ She stated, twirling a piece of his hair between her fingers. _But I know, even in your darkest moments you never let the dark consume you. You, Ben, were always there. Just sometimes no one could see, and I think that’s when you were at your worst. When you came to hide behind the name Kylo Ren. But I think part of you always knew that wasn’t who you truly were._

Ben’s eyebrows softened as she spoke, her compassion for him continued to baffle him. It felt impossible, her love for him. As if he was still lying dead on Exegol and this was some kind of dream that his brain was producing as it shut down. He squeezed her hip, reassuring himself she was real. He was still alive, and Rey was with him. 

Turning his thoughts to her words, he realized maybe she was right. 

He had worn the mask of Kylo Ren for so long, yet, he could never truly shake the pull to light. Ben thought that made him weak. He thought he didn’t have any other place in the universe. That he was always meant to fall and it was stupid to cling to the light. The fear people seemed to have of him, even his own parents, made him believe he was a monster. The ‘mask’ of Kylo Ren had become some kind of comfort, a confirmation he was what they thought and they were right to fear. 

Despite everything, Ben could still feel the light within him. Sometimes stronger than others. It’s pull becoming strong leading to the days before he had met Rey, only growing stronger afterwards. Maybe, she was right. Ben Solo, his parents' child, the person he was before, was never gone. He was just lost within himself. Caught in the middle of a war he never wanted any part of. 

And Rey was the one to find him. Beneath the mask, behind the persona that never truly fit him. The only person who just saw _him_ . Not as a weapon or a legacy. _Just him_. 

**_Maybe you’re right._ **He whispered inside her mind. 

Rey’s face changed to one of amusement, the corners of her lips playing at forming a smirk as her fingertips moved to trace his jawline. 

_Am I actually making my way through that thick skull of yours?_

Allowing himself to chuckle at the remark, he let a small smile slip. 

**_It’s a possibility._ **

She grinned at him. He couldn’t help but smile wider at her. The pride she took in knowing him better than he ever knew himself boarded on outright adorable. Rey brushed her thumb along his cheek. 

_Know I will help you in whatever ways I can, however you decide to try to make things right._

He knew better than to tell her that she shouldn’t have to help him make up for his mistakes. She wanted to, she had been adamant about it. Despite his objections, part of him was grateful for not having to figure all this out alone anymore. But knowing that she loves him despite the terrible mistakes, seeming to accept even the worst of him, it was already more than he deserved. 

Ben knew she would hear his thoughts; he couldn’t be bothered to hide them from her in this quiet moment. Rey pushed herself up enough to place a tender kiss to his lips.

_If I have to, I will remind you every single day that you are worthy._

Ben gazed at her; he was in complete awe of her. His mind trying to contemplate how it was possible for a beautiful soul like hers to fall in love with one as broken as his. 

**_And I will spend every single day finding ways to show you how remarkable you are._ **

Rey rolled her eyes at him, but the flush of her cheeks told him she appreciated his words. He squeezed her hip, raising his other hand to cup her face. 

**_You are._ **

They shared a moment. Their eyes lost in each other's, their hands cupping each other's faces. In these moments, the world around them often faded away entirely. It was just them. As if the universe was telling them this is how it should be. That it should’ve been this way all along. Them together. 

Rey blinked, the color of her cheek burning brighter as she gently pecked his lips again before pulling back. As the world came back into view, she swung her legs over the edge of the bed. As she stretched her arms above her head, he pushed himself up to a seated position. 

“One day, you’ll believe it.” He remarked, watching her pull her hair into her hands. 

She chuckled, using her fingers to brush through her hair. “Perhaps the same day that you’ll believe me.” 

He knew she had a point, both of them were equally stubborn by nature. But he’d be damned if he let that stop him from trying. 

Ben watched as Rey tried to braid her hair, still clearly half asleep as she yawned multiple times. Her fingers kept dropping strands unintentionally, she had already started over three times. 

He cleared his throat. “I can help you, if you want.”

She paused, slowly turning to face him, her eyebrows raised. “You can braid hair? How do yo-” She stopped herself, smiling before she continued. “Leia.” 

Scratching the back of his neck, he nodded. “She taught me.”

“Well, why not.” Rey let go of her hair, turning her back to him and scooting toward him. 

He turned his body to be in line with hers and picked up her hair, it was soft as velvet between his fingers as he separated out the strands. 

“So, did Leia teach you so you could help her get ready for fancy dinners and such?” she questioned, playing with the bottom of her shirt.

Ben nodded even though he knew she couldn’t see him. His mind is working to pull the weaved pattern from his memory as his fingers wrap strands of hair around one another. “I imagine you’ve seen the complicated ways in which she wore her hair.” 

Rey shrugged, dropping her shirt. He noticed she started absentmindedly picking at her fingernails. “It was always up in some way. Braids of various kinds and buns. Sometimes she wrapped her hair around some weird device that made it stand up off her head. I never understood that.”

He snorted, knowing exactly what she was talking about. The memories of all the convoluted ways senators dressed being pulled to the forefront of his mind. 

“Politicians.” Ben stated. “It’s part of the game to show off. Look bigger and better than those around you. I lost track of the ridiculous types of hairstyles and clothes they would wear.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever understand that life.” she remarked, huffing and tilting her head back. Her hair almost slipped from his fingers, but he was fast enough to catch it. “Too much nonsense. Just say what your people need, I don’t understand why that’s so hard. And what does it matter what you look like if you have your people's best interest in mind?” 

Ben chuckled, shifting his grip on her hair as he had reached the base of her skull. “I can’t tell you I have a direct answer.” He replied. “Other than that, people have _very different_ ideas of what is good for their people and the galaxy. They end up dancing around one another until someone says the most agreeable thing.”

“The most agreeable thing?” Rey laughed, turning her head just enough to see him. “I can’t imagine that gets anything done. Doing what is easy is rarely doing what is needed.” 

He smiled, agreeing with her. “That’s why it takes them so long to get anything done, even the smallest things. I never enjoyed any of it. I couldn’t understand mom’s love for it all either. But she was raised by a senator, surrounded by politics, it must have come naturally to her.” He explained. 

It almost surprised him how easily he could speak about his childhood with her. Each time getting easier than the last. There was still pain when he remembered his parents. A gnawing at the back of his mind of regret. Wonderings of how things could’ve been different. The pulling on his heart at the realization that he missed them deeply. 

Ben knew he would likely never see his father again. He was still questioning whether their talk was real. But he might be able to see his mom again, speak to her. Maybe she would forgive him enough to come to him. He could only hope. 

As he finished the tail end of the braid, he held his hand out for the hair tie. She glanced back at him, a small smile on her lips as she handed the tie to him. He wrapped the end of her hair with it and let the braid fall from his hands. 

Taking a second to look it up and down, the braid was tight down the center of her head. More loosely hanging after leaving the base of her skull but the braiding still tight enough to hold its shape. Ben found he was satisfied with it, better than he’d expected after not doing it for so long. 

Rey turned her body to face him, seeming to be significantly more awake than she was a few minutes ago. 

“Thank you.” She mused as she pulled the braid to one side, examining his work. He simply nodded and she gave him a small smile before her eyebrows pulled in. 

Ben could feel her anxiousness, she was getting ready to ask him something. Rey bit her lip, looking down at the empty space between them on the bed. He had a hunch what she was going to ask, though he hoped he was wrong. 

“So,” she started, “What...did happen with your grandfather? I felt how shaken you were yesterday.”

But of course, it was what he thought she would ask. 

Ben sighed. He still had no intention of speaking of it now. He had no idea what to do with anything that was said. How to take his grandfather’s words. No clue how he felt about any of it. His entire life, everything he had thought he knew was seemingly a lie. There was so much to unravel. 

Slowly, he was trying to take it piece by piece in his mind. Trying to digest it all in little bits and yet, he made very little progress. Even now he had to suppress much of it just to function normally, keep the thoughts from overwhelming him. There really wasn’t anything he could tell her about what happened. He wasn’t sure what she wanted him to say. 

“It was just… a lot to take.” He answered, watching her curious eyes narrow. 

Her lips pulled to one side as the crease between her eyes deepened, seemingly unsatisfied with that response. 

It was the best one he could give her at the moment. 

“Well, what did he say?” Rey probed, seeming to plead with her eyes for him to explain. 

Ben wanted to tell her, wanted to explain it all. But everything that was said carried so much weight. There was too much to explain, none of which he had even processes, let alone come to terms with. If he tried to explain the conversation now, he swore it wouldn’t sound like it made much sense. Maybe it was because it didn’t make sense to him. 

His family hadn’t forsaken him. He had been tricked into thinking his family only cared because he was their legacy. His grandfather was with him his entire life but not in the way he thought. Luke’s fear caused him to attack him but also not in the way he thought. There was so much Ben had missed, much he didn’t know, and much he probably still didn’t. He had to figure it out first, once he did, he would gladly tell her everything. 

In thinking about it, he honestly wasn’t even sure if he remembered the entire conversation. There were so many points where Anakin’s words felt nearly overpowering, as if his brain couldn’t take anymore. His mind still questioned whether it was a good or bad thing that he had never really been alone even though he never knew. If he were to believe it, everything he thought he had to do...he didn’t. It all seemed to be for nothing. 

That was what hurt the most, he realized. Everything he had ever done, _he_ _didn’t have to do._ He allowed himself to be exploited, made into a weapon to be wielded by others. Against his own family. His entire life rendered to nothing. 

Somehow, he needed to figure out how to come to terms with that. 

Ben tried to search for some small piece he could give her, but nothing was small. None of it was simple enough to tell without a long explanation or her questioning further.

Raking his hand through his hair, he gave her the simplest answer he could. “He said too much.” 

Her face fell and he swore he stopped breathing. He hated to disappoint her. 

“I felt that. How overwhelmed you were. I…” Rey faltered, clearly unsure of what she wanted to say. 

“I promised to tell you about it. I will.” He insisted, taking ahold of her hand. “I’m just-”

“Not ready.” She stated, cutting him off. “I understand.” Rey whispered. She lingered for a moment, eyes on their interlocked hands. Giving him a forced half smile, she pulled their hands apart and pushed herself off the bed. Then made her way around the corner. 

**_I don’t think you do._ **He thought to himself as he pushed off the remainder of the blanket from his legs and stood. He paused for a moment, standing there stretching. He wished he had the ability to put it to words for her. Even started to think about showing her their conversation through his memory of it but he wasn’t sure he could take reliving that conversation again so soon. Let alone have her feel what he was experiencing the first time. 

As he stepped around the corner, a kit being shoved to him stopped his movement. Ben looked down to her face, she didn’t say anything. Just looked at him expectantly.

Taking the kit from her hands he watched her move back towards the kitchen. “Thank you.” 

Rey hummed in reply, pouring herself a cup of hot chocolate. “Do you want some?” She questioned without turning to face him. “This one is from Naboo.” 

“Sure.” he replied, taking a seat at the table. He noticed she had placed the Jedi texts on the table, something told him this wouldn’t be a very talkative breakfast. 

And he had been right. They ate in silence as Rey read through the texts, barely sparing a glance at him. Through their bond her disappointment and confusion were apparent.

Ben thought about breaking the silence to try to explain why he wasn’t ready to speak about his conversation with his grandfather. But no matter what words he came up with he was sure it wouldn’t they wouldn’t be sufficient. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing. She wanted to help him but this wasn’t something she could help with. Not yet.

He knew he promised her an explanation. He planned on keeping that promise. His mind flashed back to their conversation in the rain. Rey’s look of concern for him, her eyes brimming with tears for his sake. Thinking she could’ve stopped what happened, somehow. That if she’d known she would’ve willingly given herself up. The thought of her going through what he had made him sick to his stomach. 

Part of him wondered what _would’ve_ happened if they had found each other sooner. If their dyad had opened the connection before Luke had tried to kill him. If Rey had been with him, would any of it have happened in the first place. 

Ben shook his head. **_Really no use in thinking about what ifs, is there?_ **

Glancing up at Rey, he watched her lips as she mouthed the words she was reading. She would only do it every couple of sentences it seemed, her lips pursing and her nose wrinkling every time she read something that gave her pause. Her fingers would start tapping across the opposite page while she was trying to make sense of what she read. The corners of his mouth curved upward, appreciating all the little ticks she had. 

Suddenly, he remembered his TIE Silencer on the beach’s edge. Rey had been reluctant before to speak about certain things, but this had been different. He remembered feeling the flash of regret shoot through her as her eyes landed on the TIE. 

**_She’s still got some things to explain to herself._ **

But, as with other things, now was not the time to ask. 

For the first time, in a long time, he wished he could talk to someone about this. About her. About relationships in general. Many other things. This was all new for him, being with someone like this. Was he supposed to ask why she was bothered or leave her alone? He _knew_ why she was bothered but it wasn’t an issue that could be fixed at this moment. Yet, should he acknowledge he knows she’s disappointed?

Their bond, the blessing it was, opened up additional questions. They could, for the most part, feel each other's emotions. Even when trying to hide them, he knew some seeped through. Was he supposed to pretend he couldn’t sense the confusion edged with annoyance lurking around her mind? 

Ben pushed himself up from his seat, figuring since she wasn’t in a speaking mood it was best to leave her alone for the moment. Maybe some fresh air would help him sort things. 

“I’m going head out for a walk.” He stated, turning to face her. “I need to stretch my legs, get some fresh air.” After taking a pause he realized it might help to hear he wanted to work out his thoughts. “Hopefully it will help me sort some things.” 

Rey looked up from the texts for the first time since she had sat down. She offered a small, genuine smile, which was more than he expected. “Don’t get lost.” She replied. “I still haven’t shown you around yet.” 

“Looking forward to when you do.” he remarked. 

She nodded. “Soon.” Her eyes didn’t return to the texts, as he would’ve thought they would have. They lingered on his face as she seemed to lean toward him. 

For a moment, he hesitated. Given the current mood between them he didn’t want to assume she wanted him too close. Still, he felt he needed to show her he cared. Taking a step toward her, he leaned down, placing a gentle kiss to her forehead. 

As he pulled up Rey’s lips parted, seemingly surprised. Her eyes followed him as he stood up. A smile returned to her face.

Satisfied that she seemed happy with his gesture, he smiled back at her before turning to leave. But Rey caught his hand, a jolt went up his spine at her sudden grip. Turning back around, their eyes locked again. They gazed at one another in silence for a few moments, Ben readjusted his hand so her fingers fell between his as he waited. Patiently.

After a tight squeeze on his hand she spoke. “Take the time you need. To, you know, sort things out.” 

Ben could tell she was trying to be kind. As she always was, he was grateful for it. “Thank you.” He whispered, before bringing her hand up and placing a kiss on the back. He squeezed her hand a final time before letting it drop as he stepped away. He could feel her eyes watching him leave with every step. 

\----

When he exited the Falcon the fresh air that hit his lungs seemed to loosen the tension his body held. Ben hadn’t realized how tense he had been until this moment. Perhaps it was habit, he was rarely not tense. But the voice in the back of his head whispering ‘ **_don’t ruin this_ **’, might have something to do with it. 

As he walked along the cobblestone path, he thought about everything from the last year. His main focus was Rey. How to get her by his side, how they would be together as they both had foreseen. Now that they were finally together, he realized he had no clue how to not mess it up. 

Ben reached the top of an incline where a stone bench sat near the edge of the cliff, seats like this seemed to be scattered around the island. Taking a seat on the bench, he attempted to clear his mind. The cool ocean breeze pulled the hair away from his face as he sat there. The sun was out today, he felt its warmth pour over him the longer he sat there. 

It was nearly an impossible task these days, to effectively clear his mind. Between Rey, his regrets, and the lingering spirits of his family there was rarely a moment his mind wasn’t working overtime. 

Suddenly, an image of his mother’s young face flashed in his mind, sticking there for some unknown reason. Her smile bright as she dressed him for some event, telling him for what was probably the hundredth time to stand up straight. The memory caused his heart to feel as though it was being crushed in his chest. 

Closing his eyes, he thought for a moment what would happen if he called for her. He knew she must be there, with the rest of them. Maybe she didn’t want to see him and that’s why she hadn’t made an appearance.

His mind replayed the feeling of her presence on the Death Star ruins. She had reached out to him in her final moments, still radiating so much hope to him. Maybe, just maybe, she would come. All he had to do was ask. 

So, clinging to that hope, he spoke the words.

“Be with me.” he breathed out. 

He waited. Silently. Nervously. Listening for any reply. His hands gripped the edge of the bench on their side of him. 

A whisper broke through the quiet. 

“My little starfighter.” 

His breathing hitched. 

The sound of her voice reverberated through him, the voice he hadn’t heard in such a long time. The nickname itself pulled from his memory the last time he had been called that. Lando’s voice clear as day echoed inside his head. **_‘Hey there little starfighter’._ **

A lump appeared in his throat and tears welled in his eyes with no hope of stopping them. His heart pounded in his chest. 

Ben had expected that seeing his mother again would be overwhelming. But this. This feeling. It was far beyond anything he could have anticipated. It was profound. Uncontrollable. Most of all, it was devastating. 

He could feel the quiver of his lip as he slowly turned his head to the side. 

There she sat. Calmly, on the bench beside him. Her hands in her lap, a warm smile on her face. The faint blue glow of her aura contrasting the golden light projected by the sun hanging behind her. 

Ben took in a shaky breath. “Mom.” His voice cracked. 

Without a word, she lifted a hand and swiped away some of the falling tears. Unlike with Anakin, he could actually _feel_ her hand there. 

He looked at her in confusion. **_How is that possible?_ **

Her smile widened, as if she knew what he had asked. “In places such as this, strong connections to the force, with enough focus we can touch the physical world. But only temporarily. So, we shouldn’t wait.” Leia opened her arms to her son. 

Without a moment's hesitation, he fell into his mother's arms. He was a kid again. Every fiber of his being wanting to be embraced by his mother. He wrapped his arms around her waist as she allowed his chin to come to rest on her shoulder. 

Leia placed a hand on the back of his head, pushing him closer, her other hand rubbing up and down his back. Her grip on him firm, unwavering.

There was no holding back. He allowed the sobs to escape from his lips as tears streamed heavily down his face. All the emotions he had suppressed for so long coming out in a wild, untamed mess as his mother held him tightly in her arms. His entire body was shaking.

Ben could feel her grip on him tightening the longer they embraced. “I’ve missed you so much.” She whispered. 

“I’ve... missed you... too.” he stuttered out through the sobs. 

Ben drank this moment in. He never thought he would have this opportunity again. To be wrapped in his mother's arms. To _feel_ the love radiating off of her, projecting it to him. He couldn’t remember the last time he had allowed himself to fall apart like this. 

He realized in this moment, she felt _safe_. The feeling was so foreign to him now. Even with Rey, he was always worried about her. About them both. Whether the galaxy would allow them to live freely or would they be thrown into the chaos again. All those worries seemed to finally rest for the moment, his mother’s warmth allowing them to fall from his shoulders. Even knowing it was temporary, he was thankful for it. 

His mother clung to him just as much, continuously pulling him closer. Squeezing him so tightly that he was having trouble breathing. He didn’t mind.

Suddenly, it clicked.

There was no reason to have been so worried about whether she would come, of course she would. She had truly always loved him. It just took him finally purging himself of Palpatine's influence to see it. No more lies to hide to hide the truth from him. 

It was so crystal clear in this moment he couldn’t believe he had ever thought otherwise. 

A fresh batch of guilt shot through him. Somehow knowing that he had been loved all along made the guilt worse. How had he allowed himself to be so blinded?

“I’m...I’m so sorry.” He sputtered out, sniffling. His hands gripped tightly onto her while he still could. 

“I am too. It was never all on you.” She reassured him, her tone soothing him.

He had missed her _so much._ Never could he have imagined how much. 

Ben tried to calm himself, he knew she wouldn’t be able to keep a physical presence for much longer. He managed to regain enough of his composure to pull away from her, his body still vibrating from the onslaught of emotions raging through him. His mother reluctantly allowed him to sit up. 

Leia took a moment to wipe away more of his tears, her hands then delicately pushed the hair away from his eyes. Reaching down, she took his hands in hers. 

“Ben. My hope.” she beamed, causing the creases around her eyes to deepen. “I am so proud of you for finding your way home.” 

His heart swelled at his mother's words. _Proud_ . She was _proud_ of him. Despite everything that had happened, everything he had done, she was _proud_. He couldn’t believe it. 

“Mom…” His voice caught in his throat, the lump in it threatening to engulf him. 

His mother leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. She pulled back, her hands dropping from his face. “I know.” 

**_‘I know’_ ** It echoed throughout his mind, his mother's reprise of his father’s sentiment. He could hear both voices echoing, as if his father was here too. 

Of course, they knew. It seemed they always knew. 

He never stopped loving his parents. 

And despite his choices, they still loved him. 

Ben could barely see his mother through his tear-filled eyes. There was so much to be said. He didn’t even know where to start.

Thankfully, she spoke before him. 

“I believe it is my turn to apologize.” She stated, her form seemingly more transparent now. Her more physical form fading. 

He furrowed his brow. “What?” 

His mother pulled her lips in. “I should have never sent you away.” 

Ben paused. He wanted to argue, tell her it wasn’t her fault. Which, it wasn’t. She had no control over the actions of Palpatine. But, at the same time, he knew that was a turning point for him. When he felt most alone. When Snoke had told him he was sent away because he was unwanted, feared. He respected his mother too much to lie to her. 

So, he offered the best comfort he could. “You thought it was the right thing, mom.” 

Leia waved her hand, crossing between them. “I did. That does not mean it was. Regardless, let us not spend our time together lamenting the past.” She tilted her head at him. “How are you?”

He blinked the tears from his eyes and answered her honestly. “That’s a complicated question.” 

Her face softened, the sympathetic look in her eyes almost caused him to break down again. She nodded. “Well, why don’t we start with why you called to me today.” 

It was a good question. Should have been an easy one. It was because of Rey and the conversation with his grandfather. But now that she was here, now that he knew she would come and that she would listen, there were so many things he wanted to ask her. So many things to speak to her about, past, present, and future. 

But starting with one of the things he originally wanted to speak about was probably best. If fate would allow, this wouldn’t be their last conversation. 

“You told grandfather to speak to me?” he questioned, figuring it was as good a starting place as any. 

Leia nodded. “Absolutely. It’s the least he can do. It was his mistakes that started all this. I told him you needed him. Now more than ever, especially considering he claimed he never left you alone.” 

He allowed a smile to pull on the corners of his mouth. Ben would be lying if he said the idea of his mother commanding the man who was once Darth Vader didn’t amuse him. Her stern voice and quick tongue have always been ready to cut anyone down to size. Even her own father. 

She hadn’t changed a bit since he last saw her, aside from her grey locks and crow’s feet. 

“Did speaking with him help?” She inquired, her eyes watching him very closely. 

He didn’t have an answer to that for her any more than he did for Rey. Part of him wanted to say yes, just for the simple fact it clarified some things. Ironically, however, those clarifications only served to confuse him more. 

Ben sighed, raising his hand to wipe the rest of the tears off his face. His body had finally seemed to stop shaking, though his heart still pounded in his chest. 

He took a deep breath in. “I’m not sure yet.” He breathed out. “But that’s the problem, I suppose.”

“What do you mean?” His mother moved her hand to sit on his leg, though he couldn’t feel it anymore. Her concern was clear in her eyes. 

It was the same issue every time Rey had asked him. He didn’t know how to explain it. How can you describe the feeling of realizing your life up until now was pointless? That everything you did, everything you thought you had to do, was for nothing? That nothing you were ever told was true, that you had allowed yourself to be manipulated. Played right into Palpatine’s hands and disappointed…everyone.

Rey has been the only good thing to come of all that has happened. He had told her while on that cliffside he would go through it all again if it meant keeping her safe. He meant it. As painful as it was, as humiliating it was to know his entire life had been a lie, it would be worth it all every time if Rey was at the end of it. 

Some piece of him wished they had met differently. If his life had gone the way he had wanted, and he became a pilot like his father, perhaps a trip would’ve taken him to Jakku and the bond would’ve done the rest. Or they could’ve found each other while on a recruitment mission with Luke. 

But in the end, if this was the only way to find her, to experience for the first time in his life that feeling of being complete, then it was all worth it. 

“Rey.” he began. “She wants to know...everything. She wants me to explain the conversation. But I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t know how I feel about it or what to do about anything that was said. I think she’s annoyed with me over it.” 

His mother laughed. Actually laughed at him. He furrowed his brows. 

“What’s so funny?” He questioned. 

“Sweetheart.” She began, grinning at him. “You don’t have to be able to explain anything. Nor do you have to find the greater meaning of your grandfather’s words before explaining to Rey what was said. You men always think you have to fix everything first. She just wants you to open up to her, son.” 

Ben was puzzled, he tilted his head at his mother. “I don’t understand the difference. How do I talk about something without understanding the implications?” 

Leia shook her head. “You do not _have to have_ an explanation for everything. Emotions are messy and she can be there for you while you figure it out. All you have to do is tell her what stuck out to you, what you _want to figure out._ She wants to feel like you trust her, that you’ll confide in her. Keeping her at arm's length is probably not the best idea, Ben.”

Ben leaned back, running his hand through his hair. “I didn’t think I was keeping her at arm’s length…” He shook his head. “Mom, I don’t know how to be with someone like this.” 

She smiled. “It’s something that takes lots of practice. Believe me. Your father and I never did get it right.” Standing, she motioned for him to follow. He stood and she guided him to stand in front of her. He had forgotten how short she was. “Practice with me. What stuck out to you from your conversation with your grandfather.” 

He took a breath, trying to remember the first thing that stuck out to him. “Well, there was a point that it sounded like he was blaming himself for what happened to me. That Palpatine wanted me because of him.” 

Leia nodded. “What do you think?” 

Ben started to chew on the inside of his cheek. He didn’t know what he thought. Anakin wasn’t responsible for Palpatine’s actions. Yet, had Anakin never fallen to the darkside Palpatine would’ve had no reason to target him. Then again, Anakin was also manipulated. He made that clear. His grandfather knew what it felt like because he was in Ben’s position once. 

“I... I don’t know if I agree or not.” He stated. “See, this is why I don’t know what to say to her either.” 

His mother chuckled at him. “Sweetheart, this is what I am trying to tell you. You _don’t have to know_. Just tell her the truth. Say that you felt it was important, but you don’t know how you feel about it yet. You still let her in by doing so. She may even help you figure it out. Offer a different perspective.” 

He cocked an eyebrow at her. “What do _you_ think?”

“I think his actions had lasting consequences. But I am not you, nor am I unbiased in this situation.” She replied. 

Ben narrowed his eyes at her. “So, you do blame him?” 

Leia huffed, allowing her eyes to wander from him for the first time. Looking out over the crashing waves. “It’s not that simple. As you well know. A part of me does. But, part of me knows that Palpatine is a manipulator. As he was with you. I will never truly know what my father went through before he turned.” 

Her thoughts sounded similar to his own. There is never a simple answer it seems. Maybe there isn’t one at all. Everyone made choices that led to everything else. Trying to place blame now felt useless.

On the brighter side, he was starting to understand what she meant now. How to talk about something even though it led nowhere. He even felt some of the weight that has been bearing down on his chest lighten. Even talking about some small piece of the conversation, without coming to any kind of answer, seemed to help. Maybe that’s what he had to do, accept the fact that most of it _wouldn’t_ have an answer. Nothing can change what has already happened. 

He would have to try not to dwell so much on how lost he was. Not that all of what had shaken him regraded the past, but it was a good place to start. 

“Thanks, mom.” he stated. “This is actually helping.” 

She turned back to facing him, offering a soft smile. “Good, I’m glad. You should do this with Rey as well.” 

He smiled to her. “I know. I will try. Hopefully, it’ll be enough.”

Leia rolled her eyes. “Son, she loves you. Doesn’t matter exactly what you say, just that you’re honest. She’ll listen and probably offer her opinion. As I did. Communication is very important in relationships. Since this is both of your first…” She paused, narrowing her eyes at him. “This is your first isn’t it? Never had any secret girlfriend or boyfriends, have you?” 

Ben stared blankly at her with his eyebrows slightly raised. “What do you think?” 

She threw her hands up. “Well, forgive me. It’s been a long time and I don’t know everything you’ve done since you left.” Sighing, she continued. “All I was going to say was that you are both new to being in a relationship. There will definitely be some kinks to work out and that’s alright.” 

Hearing the word ‘kink’ brought something completely different to the forefront of his mind. He chewed on the inside of his lips for a moment, contemplating if it was a good idea to ask. 

“What?” she questioned, noticing him staring off into the distance. 

**_What’s the worst that could happen._ **

“Mom, can I ask you something?” 

***Rey’s P.O.V.***

Rey meant what she told him. To take his time, figure things out. But she wouldn’t deny she saw an opportunity to keep him out of the Falcon for a bit. 

After making sure he was gone, she made her way to the cockpit and pulled out the commlink Rose had left for her. Plugging in the commlink to the screen on the side wall, she turned it on. It rang and she waited patiently. 

Suddenly Rose’s voice came through and she appeared on the screen. “Rey?” She said sleepily, raising a hand to rub her eyes. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. Is it night there?” Rey face palmed as she spoke. _Why didn’t you think to check the time difference? Stupid._

“It’s uh, early morning actually.” Rose informed, yawning. “But it’s ok, should be getting up soon anyway. Lots to do. What’s going on?” 

Rey hesitated. “I uh, just wanted to check in.” 

“It’s only been a few days since you left, there’s really not much to report.” Rose tilted her head, narrowing her eyes. “But I get the feeling that’s not really why you called. What’s _actually_ going on?” 

Biting her lip, she pushed her embarrassment aside and forced herself to ask. “Well, Rose...I was just wondering...um…” She grunted in annoyance at herself. “Have you ever had sex?” She finally blurted out.

Rose pulled back a moment before a toothy grin spread over her face. “Rey. Did you call me...for sex advice?” She laughed. “Things are going well with Ben then, I assume?” She wiggled her eyebrow.

Covering her face with her hands to hide the blush, Rey replied through the gap between her hands. “Yes?... I mean nothing like that has happened...yet. Just kissing. I don’t really know anything about the rest of it.”

“And you were hoping I could tell you?” Rose asked. 

Rey nodded, offering a hopeful smile. 

“Of course! I got you.” Rose chuckled. “Where should I start...hm. Well, do you know anything about birth control? That’s first.” 

Rey shook her head. “Not really. I know that condoms are a thing...and heard about some herbal thing…” 

Rose nodded. “Yeah. The herb thing. It’s the most effective. Condoms kind of suck and most guys want to take them off anyway. Ho'Dins formulated the herbal birth control. They say it’s hundred percent effective as long as you take it appropriately. I never had a problem with it. There are several types but there should be the ones for humans in the medkits Lando placed aboard.”

“Hold on.” Rey stood and went to grab her datapad from her box of belongings. Returning to the cockpit, she sat down in the chair next to the screen. “Ok, go on.” 

Rose started to laugh. “Are you writing all this down?” 

Rey bobbed her head. “I don’t want to forget.” 

“Of course not.” Rose shook her head, smiling. “Alright well. What you’re looking for in those medkits is a red and white bag with pull strings. There should be the herbal pills inside. What you want to do is take two of them every two weeks on the same day. That make sense?” 

“So, if I took two today, I would have to wait two standard weeks and then take two more?” Rey clarified. 

Nodding, Rose continued. “Yes. As long as you do that, you should be good on preventing pregnancy. It takes about a day to take effect. After that, if you do want kids, just stop taking them. A day or so later you should be good to conceive after that.” 

“Don’t think that’ll happen for a while.” Rey muttered under her breath as she typed away. “Is that all?” 

“That pretty much covers the basics of birth control.” Rose paused for a moment. “So, am I to assume you’ve… to put it nicely, explored yourself?” 

Rey nodded. “Yeah. I have...explored myself.” 

“So, you think you have a decent idea of what feels good?” Rose asked. 

Shrugging, she tried to hide the heat that had crept up her cheeks again. “I... know some things that work well.” She mumbled. 

Rose laughed. “I’m asking because you’ll have to guide him. Men...need lots of guidance sometimes when it comes to pleasing us. We can be a bit complicated. Especially, the first time. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to instruct him and tell him what you like and don’t. It makes things easier for both of you if you’re clear about what is working and what isn’t.” 

Rey nodded vigorously listening to every word Rose said. Making mental notes alongside the actual notes she was writing. Until suddenly Rose paused. Looking back up at the screen she tilted her head. “What is it?” 

Clearing her throat, Rose gave her a nervous smile. “Well, um, when I was on the Falcon I did _see_ Ben. He’s...he’s a _bigger_ guy.” 

Rey shook her head, furrowing her brows. “I don’t understand?” 

Rose coughed. “Um. Well. Bigger guys…. tend to be _bigger_ in most _other_ places…”

Rey’s eyes widened and her lips parted. “ _Oh._ ”

Chuckling, Rose shifted in her seat, waving her hands in front of her. “Don’t be surprised or put off by it, alright? It may seem intimidating at first, you might even think... ‘how is it going to fit?’ But don’t worry. It will. And you’ll be thankful for the size. I promise.” Rose winked. 

Leaving the pad in her lap, Rey dropped her face into her hands, the heat from her cheeks spreading all the way down her chest. 

“And just to warn you, it will hurt a little. The first time it goes in. But the pain fades quickly, especially if you’re really aroused. Don’t be afraid to make him pace himself either. The first time especially.” Rose continued. 

Nothing in the universe had prepared her for this conversation. 

Yet, she still picked up her pad and continued making her notes.

***Ben’s P.O.V.***

Ben should have stuck to reading. Reading was easy. Clean cut and didn’t leave him blushing. 

If he had just stuck to reading, he would not be sitting here, head in hands, wishing she would stop talking. 

“All I’m saying, sweetheart, is that this will be both of your first times, it might be messy, it’ll be a little awkward. That’s completely normal!”

“Mom, please stop.” He begged. 

Leia huffed. “You asked for some advice, that’s what I’m giving you.” 

Ben groaned. “I just wanted to ask someone, preferably female, who has done this what, well, what are some things to...focus on doing. Not like I have very many other people to ask something like this.” 

“Doesn’t that just warm a mother's heart? ‘Since I don’t have anyone else to ask, I guess I’ll ask you’.” She mocked, pacing back and forth in front of him. The wave crashed against the rocks below, sending water droplets through her ghostly form. 

He rolls his eyes at his mother. “Would you please just...help me out here? Being this close to someone. Having to think about all this from her point of view. It’s new to me. I know myself, obviously. It’s her side of it I want to know more about.”

“Well, all women are different, son. You will need to figure out together what feels good.” Leia took a seat back on the bench with him, folding her hands in her lap. 

“I just…” Ben sighed. “I just wanted some advice on this because I wanted this, if it happens, to be good for her too. I wanted to make sure _I could make her_ feel...good. Reading about it can only inform me so much.”

His mother smiled sweetly at him, tilting her head to the side. “There’s my angel.” She whispered. “I’ve missed this so much. Having normal conversations with my son.” 

Ben stared at his mother for a moment before slowly letting a small smile form on his lips. Despite being slightly uncomfortable in this conversation, he agreed. “I missed you talking with you too, mom. It feels...nice. I almost feel like a normal person for once.” 

She chuckled at him. “Yes, well. If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think any of us led a very normal life. Just not in our DNA it seems.” 

“Think that’s the Skywalker blood?” he questioned, allowing his eyes to drift to look out over the vast sea. Its churning waves seemed to have a calming effect on him. In this moment, he can see this being a place he can make peace with the things he’s done. Get himself into a place to make up for them. Honor his parents' sacrifices. Having his mother close by was helping. 

**_Rey made the right choice bringing us here._ **

“I would like to say yes. But the truth is, I think it’s both the Skywalker and Amidala blood. From what I always heard about Padmé Amidala, she was a force to be reckoned with. She always stood her ground, spoke her mind, and had no fear of jumping into the fray. Strong-willed, independent, and fierce.”

Ben snorted, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck. “I guess I know who you take after.” 

Out of the corner of his eye he saw his mother tilt her head at him and smirk. “Just as I know who you take after.” 

He turned his head to her, the feeling of guilt stabbing his stomach again. 

They had yet to talk about his father. His death. The image of his greatest mistake played again in his mind, bringing tears to his eyes once again. 

“Mom…” He began, but he could already feel his lip quivering. Something about his mother’s presence allowed his emotions to surface themselves far easier than before. He had trained himself, as best he could, not to show such emotion. Yet, his mother, and even Rey, seem to bring them out of him more easily. 

But what was he to say? Was he to say he’s sorry? Sorry doesn’t even begin to cover it. 

He forced himself to try to continue, he had to say something. “Dad…”

Leia cut him off by raising her hand to silence him. She met his eyes. “Your father loved you.”

Something akin to a whimper escaped his lips. He felt like a knife was twisting his insides around. The memory of his father placing his hand gently on his cheek, even after what he had just done, haunted him. He knew it was true. His father still loved him despite everything, even the saber in his chest. 

“He will be with you, as I am, every step you take towards setting things right.” She reassured him, placing her ghostly hand on his leg. He could feel her eyes bearing into him as he turned back to look over the water. 

Ben didn’t even know what to say to that. If he should say anything at all. But if his conversation on the death star with his father was real, she was right. His father wanted him to do better, fight for everything his mother represented for so long. **_‘Your mother’s gone but what she stood for, what she fought for, that’s not gone.’_ **

“I will do everything I can to make up for my mistakes. I swear it.” He told her, turning to look her in the eyes as he spoke. He needed her to believe him. 

“I know you will, my little starfighter.” She placed her hand on his cheek, momentarily forcing herself to the physical world. “You are stronger than you ever realized. Your will could shake the stars.”

The laugh and subsequent smile couldn’t be stopped. It was one of the best things he’s felt in a long time, knowing his mother had such faith in him. Still. He chuckled again. “I think you’re the one with the willpower to shake the stars. I’m not sure if I were in your position, I would’ve kept hope for as long as you did.” 

She smiled. “You can never break a mother’s love, son. I would never give up hope for you. Nor my faith that you would return. Your father didn’t either. Not truly. You’ll see, someday. When you have children of your own. It’s a love, a power, unlike anything else in the galaxy.” 

**_Kids_** _._ The idea of him being a father made his head spin. It wasn’t something he had thought about yet. Nor did he believe in any way he was ready for it. Before that ever happened, he had to make sure he had dealt with most of his demons. That he was in a good place to _be_ a father. They would have to have found a safe place for them to live. So much had to happen before that. But one day, in the future, he could see having children. He knew Rey would make an excellent mother. He just hoped by then, if it did happen, he would make a good father. 

“While we’re on the topic...” Leia started again. “It’s very sweet of you to want to be so considerate of her pleasure. Not all men bother. But I will gladly share some...techniques and suggestions with you, as long as you don’t mind hearing them from your mother.” 

Ben grimaced. “Just...please no visuals of you and dad. Just keep it as general as possible.” 

His mother laughed. “You are a grown man now. A grown man should not be afraid to ask his mother about things like this.” 

He rolled his eyes at her. “I’m not afraid. That is just not a visual I want in my head while Rey and I…”

Leia snorted. “Believe me son, you will not be thinking about anything _but_ her.” 

***Rey’s P.O.V.***

“Thank you so much for this Rose, this was really helpful.” Rey stated, typing down the last of Rose’s advice in her notes.

“Of course, Rey. Anything you need. As long as I get to hear _all_ the details afterwards.” She smirked, wiggling her eyebrows at her.

Rey blushed furiously for the tenth time, she gripped her datapad, bringing it up to cover her face but it was too late. Rose was already laughing at her expense. “Alright. Okay, I will tell you, but I don’t know when this will happen.” she mumbled out from behind her datapad. 

“Whenever it feels right, just go for it. Don’t try to force it. You love each other, believe me it’ll happen naturally.” Rose reassured. “Hope he doesn’t find that datapad though, you’d have some explaining to do.” she noted, laughing again. 

Rey grimaced. Rose was right. She had to find a place to put it where he wouldn’t find it. “Yeah, I’ll be careful.” 

“I’ll let you know when I get things settled in Coruscant and you can come visit. Still thinking about settling on Naboo. You should see it someday, Rey. Naboo is gorgeous. Leia always said her mom was the Queen there once... Oh!” Rose paused then stood, moving out of the frame of the camera.

A few moments later, she returned pushing a large crate into camera view. “What is that?” Rey asked, cocking an eyebrow. 

“That reminded me, Leia left this for you. Rather, I guess she willed this to you. She had laid some things out for you and Poe. From what I understand, these are dresses she wanted you to have. They belonged to her mother.” Rose informed, opening the crate. 

Rey’s mouth gaped as Rose pulled out and held up a beautiful multicolored sheer dress. 

_Leia willed her mother’s dresses to me? Why? I’ve never worn a dress in my life._

“That’s...um, beautiful. I guess I’ll have to get them from you at some point.” She stated, unsure of what else to say. 

“Oh, if Poe visits, he could bring them to you. He wanted to ask you if it was alright to visit. Said something about asking Ben about First Order bases. He’s planning on whipping out the last of them before the resistance dismantles entirely. Would Ben help?” Rose questioned as he placed the dress back inside the crate and closed the lid, taking back her seat in front of the camera. 

Rey paused, taken aback by the possibility of Poe coming all the way out to Ahch-To to get intel from Ben. 

_Why not just call?_ She wasn’t sure if Poe coming here was a good idea. As much as she would like them to get to know one another, and hopefully get along, it might be far too soon for a face to face. 

Plus, a part of her liked having their secluded paradise all to themselves. _Well, aside from the keepers and force ghosts._

Rey cleared her throat. “Um, tell Poe to give me a call first. Not sure if it’s best to come out here now. Maybe Ben can give him the information over comm. I’m sure he’d be happy to help dismantle the First Order.”

Rose nodded. “Alright, will do. I’ll take the dresses and when you come to visit, I’ll give them to you. Gotta run now though, still lots to pack.” 

Rey smiled. “Thank you again Rose, for everything.” 

“Of course. You’re family.” Rose smiled and waved. 

Rey waved back and then Rose disconnected the comm. She was alone again. 

Sighing, she reached up and stretched. Reaching over, she pulled the comm device from the screen input and stood, making her way towards the medical supplies. 

Pulling out a kit and opening it, her eyes scanned over everything. Reaching inside, she moved things around until she found the little red and white baggie Rose had described. Grabbing it, she placed the kit down and walked over to the table. 

She turned back to the page she had written about the Ho’Din’s herbal birth control. “Take every two weeks on the same day…” she muttered aloud. “Two tablets with water…” 

Rey opened the baggie and pulled out two of the round herbal pills. She wrinkled her nose, the herbs smelled terrible. She walked over to the kitchen and filled a glass with water. Popping them into her mouth, she downed the cup of water. 

_Guess that’s done._

She took a moment to lean against the counter, taking in a breath. The whirring from the Falcon and the faint sound of waves crashing was all that kept her from being in complete silence. It made her uneasy for some reason. 

Rey was getting antsy, just sitting around here. Reading the texts was not the most exciting thing. Normally, she would go and train when she felt this way but there wasn’t a course here like at base. Her mind drifted to Ben, as it often did. She would have to ask him about sparring together. He probably needed it as much as she did. 

She wondered if his walk was helping, rather, if he had figured anything out. She knew he had never lied to her, would never lie to her. He would tell her what he talked about with his grandfather. Yet, she couldn’t help but feel shut out. Like he still felt he had to deal with things all on his own. 

Suddenly, she got an idea. Pushing herself forward, she made her way to Falcon ramp. 

She leaned down the ramp, Ben was nowhere in sight. Reaching out through the bond, she could sense he was still a decent distance away from the Falcon.

_Now or never._

“I know you’re here somewhere. Out there in the force, lingering around. I know you can hear me.” She stated. “Show yourself to me. You know who I’m talking about.” 

For a moment, she felt no change in the force energy around her. She was growing irritated as she waited. Just before she called out again, she felt the shift in energy. 

“I assume you’re speaking of me.” A man spoke behind her. 

Rey turned. She had only caught a glimpse of him before, now he stood plainly in front of her. His curled, chestnut locks stopped at his shoulders and a scar ran alongside his right eye. He had similarities to Ben. Through comparing them more closely, Ben definitely looked more like his father than his grandfather. 

“Anakin Skywalker.” She stated, pursing her lips and crossing her arms. 

“That would be me, Rey Palpatine.” he replied, smirking. 

She cringed at the sound of her full name said aloud. “ _Please_ don’t call me that.” 

Anakin paused for a moment, the smirk falling from his lips before giving her an understanding nod. “Rey of Jakku?”

Rey shrugged, rubbing her upper arms. “I suppose that’s better than Palpatine.” 

He took a step toward her. “Listen, Rey. If it makes you feel any better, you are nothing like him. The Emperor, he...there was no light or compassion in him. You have quite a bit of both.” 

Anakin’s reassuring tone surprised her. She knew nothing about him, yet, he seemed to speak as if he knew her. Suddenly, she felt as if her privacy had been invaded. She took a step back from him. 

“What did you say to him?” She questioned, trying to change the subject as soon as possible. It was why she called to him anyway. 

“Excuse me?” Anakin questioned; his eyebrow cocked. 

“To Ben. What did you say to him?” She pressed, her eyes baring into him. 

Anakin shook his head, almost laughing as he waved his arms in front of him. “Oh, no. No way am I getting involved in this. Ask him.” 

_As if I haven’t done that._

Rey rolled her eyes. “He won’t tell me.” 

“I’m sure he has his reasons.” Anakin replied, his eyes beginning to wander around the Falcon.

She let out an exasperated sigh. “Pretty sure he just thinks he has to sort it out all on his own. Neither of us is alone anymore. I want him to believe that.” 

He offered her a sympathetic smile. “I’m sure he does.”

“It doesn’t seem like it. Not with this at least.” Rey huffed, leaning her shoulder against the wall. 

“Despite your best intentions, sometimes there are things we must sort out on our own. Ben’s entire life has changed in a matter of a few days. As has yours. But there is something you fail to realize.” Anakin stated, taking a few steps towards her.

_This should be good._

“Oh? And what exactly is that?” she asked. 

Anakin’s expression became sullen. His brows drawn in as the corners of lips turned down. He eyed her. “Your life, as unfortunate as it was, was still _yours_ . Ben’s life, it was never just _his,_ as it should have been. He is just now realizing the extent to which The Emperor went to control his life. Can you say that you know what it feels like to realize everything you fought for was a lie?” 

Rey leaned back, her shoulder leaving the wall. She took a few steps back from Anakin. She wasn’t sure what he had expected him to say but it wasn’t that. 

Admittedly, she hadn’t thought about it in that way. She had assumed it was _easy_ to accept it because now, he knew that he was loved. But she failed to think of the implications of that truth for everything he had done before. Ben had been manipulated. Misguided by Palpatine’s dark whispers. Made to believe he was alone and unloved when _he wasn’t_. He did regrettable things because he thought he had no other option. But now, he’s realizing he was wrong. 

“Oh... I didn’t...realize...” She didn’t even know how to put it to words. “But he can’t think that that changes anything, can he? He was manipulated. It’s not his fault the darkside came after him. He couldn’t have known then that it was a lie.” 

“I agree. Dwelling the past won’t change it. Yet, we all have our regrets.” Anakin sighed heavily, his brows drawing in, beginning to pace back and forth in front of her.

Silence engulfed them for the moment, both of them falling into their thoughts. 

Rey had always wanted a family, wanted to be loved. When she found a family, in Ben and in Leia, she truly believed she was loved for who she was. Despite being hesitant at first, she allowed herself to love and be loved in return. 

In the Sith throne room, she hadn’t spent five minutes with the man that was her grandfather before he had invaded her mind. He tried to make her feel alone and afraid, as he seems to do with everyone, and he had succeeded. Despite knowing he was wrong, her mind seemed to accept his words as fact. Her hand moving against her will. Were it not for Ben’s presence in her mind, knowing he came back for her, she would’ve given in completely. 

Ben had endured a lifetime of that. Of course, he needs time to accept it. To believe again in the love of others. She would have to remind him. 

Rey hadn’t realized how tightly he had been gripping her arms until the moment she pulled herself from her thoughts. She had squeezed the muscle so hard it was sore. 

She looked at Anakin, he seemed completely lost in thought as she had been. A part of her wondered what he went through, what made him turn into Darth Vader in the first place. Whether that was more him or Palpatine’s influence. If what he went through was truly similar to Ben’s experience, or worse. 

“What made you turn?” She asked, her voice quiet. 

Anakin slowly turned his head to face her, keeping his pacing up. “That’s a complicated question.” He sighed. “It started because I wanted to save Padmé. After I lost her, I had nothing to anchor me to the light anymore. But even before that, I always felt I needed to be more powerful than I was. Palpatine fed into that feeling every chance he got.”

Rey bobbed her head, her thumb and index finger beginning to rub the ends of her hair between her them. 

_The fall is never simple, is it?_

She thought of the dresses Rose had showed her earlier, how she said they’d belong to Leia’s mother. _Padmé._

“Padmé, is that your wife?” Rey questioned, taking a few steps towards him. She watched his facial expression carefully. 

“Yes. I love her very much. I will always love her.” Anakin stated, she could hear the pain that still lingered in his voice. 

She knew the feeling, she thought of Ben. The image of him motionless on the throne room floor was burned into her memory. It haunted her still, ever so often appearing in her mind. As she talked with Anakin, she was beginning to miss him standing by her side even though she knew he wasn’t far from her. She felt the sudden urge to wrap her arms around him.

It was crazy to think about how quickly he had become someone she felt she couldn’t live without. 

“What were you trying to save her from?” Rey asked, watching him pause his pacing.

Anakin took a moment before replying. He looked almost defeated. As if he had just lost her all over again. 

“I had a vision. It showed me that she would die in childbirth.” Anakin closed his eyes. “But in my attempts to save her, I brought the vision to life. She did die in childbirth. Yet, I believe it was me who killed her.” 

Rey scrunched her eyebrows together, tilting her head to the side, crossing her arms. “What do you mean?” 

Anakin looked as if she had punched him in the stomach. After all this time, he still carried such pain and regret. She felt for him. Two things Palpatine seemed to be very good at, manipulation and exploiting weaknesses. If he used Padmé against Anakin and he killed her, no wonder he fell. 

“I hurt her.” He choked out, backing away from Rey. “I think that’s why she died after the twins were born. I took too much from her.” 

Rey tilted her head. _I wonder what you did._ She didn’t want to press further on the topic, he seemed in enough pain. 

“Why didn’t you go to your kids?” She questioned, taking a seat at the table and crossing her legs. 

Anakin cleared his throat, taking a seat across from her. “I didn’t know they were alive. I didn’t even know it was twins.” 

Rey rubbed her temple. “They were hidden from you? And wait, your wife didn’t tell you about having twins?” 

“I never gave her the chance.” Anakin looked miserable, still haunted by what had happened. “It was smart. To hide them from me. Obi Wan knew it. I was too far gone by then.”

Rey gave him a sympathetic look. “But what if they could’ve saved you? Wouldn’t they have given you something to fight for?” 

Anakin shook his head. “I don’t know what I would have done to them. Whether or not they would’ve saved me, I can’t answer. And without Padmé…. It was most likely too late. I was missing all my limbs and in that cursed suit when they were born. At the emperor's side.” 

Rey rubbed the side of her face and sighed. “This family is complicated.” 

“This family.” He repeats. “Are you including yourself there?” 

The question took her aback. “I…” She didn’t know how to answer. 

Rey saw Leia and Ben as family. Leia had trained her and over the last year they had formed a tight bond. She loved her like a mother. Ben, her literal other half, she loved him. They were her family. Yet, she sat before the Skywalker patriarch and she didn’t know how to answer him. 

Anakin smirked, allowing the sadness to fall from his eyes. “Rey, I was simply asking because, if you hadn’t noticed, this family is a bit of a mess.” 

“That’s an understatement.” A feminine voice echoed throughout the Falcon. 

Rey looked all around for the owner of the voice and could find no one. 

“She’s not appearing to you.” Anakin explained. “But she definitely wanted you to hear her.” He shot a glance to his right. “Are you going to introduce yourself?” 

Suddenly, another force ghost shimmered into existence next to him. A Togruta. 

“I was going to wait for your grandkid, I’d love to meet him.” The women chuckled. 

“The last thing I need is you telling him stories, Snips.” Anakin replied, bumping her shoulder as she pushed into the seat next to him. 

“I think it would be appropriate, he should know who you were.” She countered, bumping his shoulder back. “From what I understand, he’s very much like Anakin Skywalker.”

“Um…” Rey interrupted as her eyes darted back and forth between the two of them. “Who are you?” 

The Togruta bowed her head. “My name is Ahsoka Tano. It’s nice to meet you, Rey of Jakku.”

“Snips was my Padawan when I was a young Jedi Knight.” Anakin supplied. 

“That was a long time ago, Sky Guy. You know, I am no Jedi.” Ahsoka interrupted. 

Rey tilted her head, completely distracted now from her purpose of calling Anakin here. “Wait, if you’re not a Jedi, how are you appearing to me?” 

Ahsoka chuckled. “The for8ce is the force, Rey. Light and darkness. Balance. As you and Ben have brought and represent. Any force user may learn this power.”

A fear gripped Rey’s heart. “Does that mean…” She couldn’t finish the sentence, not even wanting to speak it into the void of existence. Her heart started to pound in her chest. 

Anakin shook his head rapidly and waved his hands in front of him. “No, what you are thinking is not possible. To gain this ability, you must give yourself fully to the force. Light and dark, as Ahsoka said. He has no light to give. It would be impossible for him. No true Sith can.” 

Rey let out the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. “Good.” She shook her head. “Good.” She repeated. 

That fear, it was always lingering in the back of her mind. _What if?_ But she had to let it go. She couldn’t let that fear guide her life. He was gone. He had to be. 

“I didn’t mean to scare you, Rey. I apologize.” Ahsoka assured. 

Breathing out, she nodded. “No, it’s alright. I just...all still very fresh.” 

“I understand. I’ve faced quite a bit of my own, rather emotional, battles.” Ahsoka remarked, eyeing Anakin. 

He grimaced. “Must you remind me _every day_ , Snips.” 

“Of course. It’s fun.” She shrugged, smirking. “You messed up pretty badly, _Sky Guy._ ” 

Anakin rolled his eyes and groaned at her. 

He paused for a moment, looking towards the Falcon entrance. “Ben is coming.” He stated. “We should go.” 

Ahsoka looked at him cockeyed. “I would like to meet him.” 

“You’ll have plenty of opportunity. I believe _they_ need to speak to one another.” Anakin replied, motioning towards Rey. 

Sighing, Ahsoka conceded. Nodding to him. She turned to Rey and smiled. “Rey, please feel free to call upon me whenever you need. I believe we would make good friends.” 

Rey bobbed her head, giving her a smile in return, and the two of them disappeared. 

Though not fast enough for Ben not to catch a glimpse of them. 

As he came around the corner, he raised a curious eyebrow. “Who was that?” 

Rey paused; she didn’t want to tell him the truth. She didn’t want to have to explain _why_ his grandfather was here. “Um...Luke.” she stated, looking away from him. 

The voice in her head was already screaming at her she was being a hypocrite. She should just tell him the truth. How could she expect him to be open with her if she wasn’t going to do the same with him?

He took a seat across from her, where Anakin and Ahsoka once sat. He eyed her for a moment before speaking. “You don’t have to feel bad about speaking to Luke.” He assured her. 

Rey threw her head back. She couldn’t do it. He would never lie to her. She would not lie to him. That was never how she wanted things to become between them. 

“It was Anakin.” She blurted. “I’m sorry I said it was Luke. I just… I wasn’t sure how you would react to me speaking with him.” 

Ben fell silent for a moment. She tilted her head back down and he was staring at her, frowning. It wasn’t anger she sensed through the bond, more curiosity. Which she was grateful for. He was far more understanding sometimes than she felt was deserved. 

“Oh.” He finally spoke. “What did he say to you?” He voice was quiet and low. Much like the night in her hut. 

“We mostly talked about his fall.” Rey informed him, leaning forward. “Your grandmother.”

Ben nodded, moving his jaw around without opening his mouth. Something he tended to do when he was preparing himself to say something. 

_Maybe that walk did help._

“I talked to my mom.” He stated, his voice barely above a whisper. 

Her mouth fell open and she scooted her way around the table until she was next to him. She reached for his hand, which he gladly took. 

“How did that go?” She questioned, making sure her tone of voice was as gentle as she could make it. 

Ben smiled. Actually smiled. It filled her heart with joy and she smiled back at him. “It was...painful at first. But, good. It was...really nice to talk to her again…” He trailed off. She could see the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. 

Rey adjusted herself next to him, sliding down in the seat enough to lay her head against his shoulder. “I’m happy you two finally spoke.”

“Me too.” He said, reaching his free hand over to hug her closer to him. “She helped me more than I thought possible in the short time we spoke.” 

“Oh?” She placed her other hand on top of their interlocked ones, running her fingers over the back of his hand. 

He nodded, finally letting his head rest against the top of hers. “I think I’m ready to talk about the conversation with my grandfather. I just...don’t think I can give you any answers.” 

“Only if you’re really ready.” She sighed. “I’m sorry if I’ve been impatient. I just. I want you to believe you aren’t alone anymore.” 

She could feel him smile. He turned and placed a kiss on the top of her head before returning it to rest on it. “I know.” he squeezed her hand. “Neither are you. I’m sorry if you felt I was keeping you at arm's length with this. It wasn’t my intention.” 

“I know.” She let a soft smile settle on her face. She would never grow tired of being this close to him. He felt...good. He felt like home. It seemed to click in that moment that it didn’t matter where they ended up. Her home wasn’t a place, it was a person. Her other half. As long as they remained together, she would be content anywhere. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked her, after a silence moment passed between them. 

“If you’re ready, I will always listen. But maybe it’ll be easier if you talk about it a little at a time. Whatever you feel comfortable talking about now.” She replied, taking a deep breath in through her nose. 

There was always a scent on him that was just _him_ . Rey couldn’t even name it. It was just... _Ben_. Whatever it was, she enjoyed it. It was a comfort as she relaxed fully against him. 

She felt him nod against her. “I think my grandfather blames himself, at least in part, for what happened to me.”

“What did he say that makes you think that?” She asked, quietly. Contented by their closeness, the force was humming around them. As it seemed to do regularly now. 

“He made it very clear Palpatine targeted me because of him. Because Anakin was Vader, I suppose.” He informed her, as he picked his head up and leaned down to pull her legs up and into his lap. 

Rey couldn’t stop the stupid little giggle that escaped from her lips as he did so. He wanted her closer and she relished it. She leaned up off his shoulder and adjusted her body, she was now sitting horizontally across him. 

She smiled at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “What do you think?” she asked, as they peered into each other's eyes. 

He shrugged, slinking his arms around her waist. “I think there’s no answer to that question. I think a great many things led to everything that has happened.” 

“I agree.” She slid one hand away from the back of his neck and to his face. Her thumb traced his jawline. “I don’t think any of it can be defined by a single action.” 

Rey didn’t think she would ever get tired of looking at his face. Finding new little details every time she did. She noticed this time, a small freckle hidden in the curve of his nostril. 

“That’s slowly the conclusion I've started to come to.” He stated, his eyes drifting down to her lips. 

She smirked, leaning forward and kissing him. Slowly, gently, but passionately. After a few moments, they broke apart. Rey leaned for forehead against his. “Thank you for sharing. Whenever you’re ready to talk about more, I’m ready to listen.” 

He chuckled and flashed her that heart stopping smile of his. “Thank you for being you.” 

Rey leaned up and shook her head. “Well, thank _you_ for being _you,_ too.” 

He rolled his eyes at her and laughed. She loved the sound of his laugh more and more the more often she heard it. Her hands slid down his chest, she could feel his muscles through his sweater. She pictured him training in the First Order base, he must’ve done it often. She would be lying if she said the thought was an attractive one.

It also reminded her; she had meant to ask him about training together. 

“So,” She began. “Tomorrow. What do you think about sparring?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think of this chapter! Thank you for your patience. 
> 
> Also, I know Ahsoka probably isn't dead but I'm going off of what the movie had given me to work with so here we are. Love her, had to bring her in.

**Author's Note:**

> I will try to update this when I can. Please, let me know what you think in the comments.


End file.
